AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

But if you read the next couple of pages you would be more informed

I did read them and these extra details that supported your viewpoint were only posted when you didn't get unanimous agreement with your opening post.

Which what a drip feed is.

Fibbke are you one of those parents who sits on their phone not watching their kids ha no! Last time i was in soft play was 10 years ago and phones werent as much of a thing. Mums used to speak to each other!

Did you ask the parent yourself then? Like 'excuse me can you ask your child to let my DD down the slide'?

No. I couldn’t see where their parents were at that stage and was more worried about reassuring my daughter and getting her out.

I really hate the way boys are vilified on MN.

I was with you op until your comment about it mostly being boys. As a mother of just boys, it makes me so mad that my sons are lumped in with the few who are badly behaved.

My sons have had their fair share of run ins with both girls and boys in soft plays. My autistic son was once bullied out of a soft play by two girls who just wouldn't leave him alone, cornering him whenever they could and throwing balls at him, their parents were the ones sitting with their heads down and noses in their phones oblivious to it all. I had to tell the girls a few times to leave him alone, and finally the parents who just shrugged.

IMO it's mainly a parenting issue. Both myself and my sister parent completely different. My DC have rules and consequences, my sister never says no to hers, and they cry when they can't get their own way, even at the age of 14. She has all girls.

Which what a drip feed is.

Then sorry. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s still what happened.

Ime the parents of naughty boys arent the ones you want to be talking to at soft play

Mountain and mole hill spring to mind.
Jeez

Looking at your phone fine. Barely looking up from it while you have no idea what your children is up to not fine, which is usually the case. Yes those odd parents actually bothering to keep an eye on they children, how irresponsible they are. They should be more like the can't be arsed parent who sit glued to their phone the whole time. Your child, your responsibility, regardless of where you are.

You're just very dramatic. Kids sometimes go a bit wild in these places. Some times the parents are knackered and having a quick moment on their phone while their child is playing.

Really, if you're getting this wound up about slide etiquette, you're going to find parenting incredibly difficult going forward.

As a mother of just boys, it makes me so mad that my sons are lumped in with the few who are badly behaved.

No, they’re not.

It’s a simple logic thing. Because I am saying nearly all the children I have seen being naughty in this place are boys, am I saying nearly all boys are naughty?

No.

“It’s nearly always boys”
No it isn’t. I have a boy and he has been taught to wait his turn, take his turn and move on.
It always children who’s parents don’t bother to parent.

Op - if this bothered you so much, as I can see it does, did you confront they parents and tell them what little shits their boys were? Or did you pretend everything was fine, nodded when they apologised then come on mumsnet to make sweeping generalisations about boys based on your own experience (unless you’ve done some worldwide poll on boys VS girls?)

FWIW - my son isn’t like you’ve described, it’s stupid if you to make such a sweeping generalisation about boys - there are girls in his class that are absolutely fucking appalling in terms of behaviour.

Gone are those days fibbke

Op - if this bothered you so much, as I can see it does, did you confront they parents and tell them what little shits their boys were?

I didn’t use that language, but I told them straight what their boys were doing and that they had really frightened my child.

I don't ever see what the problem is with telling other people's kids not to do something. Yes it's the parents job to parent but in the then and now just tell the kids not to do it.
You'll always get parents staring at their phones and not watching their child's every move and you'll always get boisterous and bossy kids so just deal with it yourself.

I wouldn't watch my child get cornered on a slide and start crying just because I thought it wasn't my place.
'Right, you move and let her come down and then it's your turn to go'.

There no point getting in a huff about it, I do it all the time and I'm the least assertive person.

I agree with you OP. But it's not only boys fault that they behave like that, it's poor parenting. It's their mentality that boys will be boys so let them behave in whatever manner they want. Those people are idiots. Yes boys will be boys and girls will be girls, so what? That does not mean that they should behave badly and rudely without any regard to other people. And if a child is so little to understand social rules and norms then the parent should step in to teach them those rules not just let them be and other kids suffer because of them.

Boys are generally more likely to be let off with worse behaviour than girls though. As it’s not lady like or nice girls don’t do X/Y/Z is installed from an early age. Where are people still saying that, I was born in the 50s and remember it being said then but I haven't heard it since the 60s I think. I've got sons and daughters and grandsons and granddaughters and I never hear it anywhere I go.

I absolutely hate soft play. It tends to be the parents who don’t really know what to do with their kids so oh, take ‘em to soft play, let them run around hurting other kids while I play on my phone and leave them totally unsupervised.
I refuse to go now, I prefer to take DS&DD to the park / the woods / anywhere else.
My shy little boy has learned assertiveness just by being at nursery, in a nurturing and safe environment, and now has much more confidence. Soft play wouldn’t “toughen him up” in a way I would like - he’d either cry, or start behaving like the feral little shits in there.

Bloody hell the OP saying "it always seems to be boys" is in relation to the soft play she visits, not every boy ever born ffs. Nit picking at its finest
fwiw OP yanbu, parents teach their boys different to their girls (most not all btw) it drives me fucking bonkers.
As a female who has 3 younger brothers, they get away with alot more than I ever could as a kid! They're spoilt rotten shits and I actually struggle to believe we have had the same upbringing.

Oh and the PPs who let their kids climb up slides and think it's ok, it's not, most soft plays actually have signs to say don't let your child climb up the slide, it's a rule for a reason - you may aswell let them run infront of a swing being used with that mentality.

YABU for being sexist.

That said I don't leave my son unattended at soft play in case he starts messing around so I do think parents can help.

I am with you OP.

There are ofcourse a great number of parents who teach their children proper behavior, both boys and girls.

However, I find that on average more parents will let their boys get away with bad behavior than they do girls. Quite a number of people even find the wild and disrespectful behavior of boys "cute" and encourage it.

Only on MN is every poster the perfect parent with the most wonderfully mannered children, but all the other parents are lazy and crap with feral little shits

I hit the impression right from the off that the comment wasnt that "boys are naturally naughty" but that "boys are disciplined less"

OP I'm with you

It isn't only boys. I got bullied and obstructed as a kid by both girls AND boys, being one of the clumsy kids (and shy to boot - why is it that some people seem to hate this as a characteristic? Not everyone is an extrovert, and besides, who would listen to the extroverts, if everyone fell into that category?) As a kid it didn't help that I'm tiny and had no co-ordination as well as an eye condition. Oh, and a congenital dislike of team sports activities, particularly stupid games like hockey. I didn't mind team activities, just not sports where people could "accidentally" thump you and make your life a misery and get away with it, thanks. And apart from the swings, the playground was just like a team sport activity with no rules and no referees, in my experience.

On the "it's always boys, though", my younger sister has boys and I'm pretty sure she and her partner stopped them behaving like that when they were little, in fact I remember them as being very insistent that everyone who wanted to had a go in the paddling pool or on the Wii or whatever. They've grown up into fair-minded, kind adolescents.

My life improved somewhat when I was a bit older and could basically employ my innate sarcasm and extremely sharp tongue when necessary to deflect attention so I could get what I wanted or needed. Other friends used comedy and joking about to the same effect.

Basically, there are bullies everywhere. You see it all the time - on the motorway; in shops; on TV; in the playground, at Westminster. If you're not big enough to (metaphorically) thump them back, overpower them with your body language, or they just don't take any notice of you anyway, you need to find other ways to deal with them just to survive.

To be absolutely fair, the boys concerned here may not realise they were making it difficult for others. This is where mum needed to step in; good job this wasn't an accident.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if parenting skills, responsibility, the art of compromise, sharing, communication skills, and assertiveness, not aggression, were taught in schools instead of some of the rubbish they have to learn to pass exams?