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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 08/07/2019 15:05

The answer is obviously you move into their house in the UK while they are in their holiday home. There may be no pool or ocean but you could veg out in the garden and your DP could periodically spray you all with the hosepipe. Order the sort of food you were hoping to eat for a supermarket delivery and chill out Grin

Seriously, they must be idiots not to realise that it's inappropriate of them to arrange to be there at the same time and doubly so taking a bedroom each.

I would either cancel or find alternative accommodation.

TheHoundsofLove · 08/07/2019 15:08

I think the least damaging course of action for all involved relationships would be to either all stay somewhere else or none of you go. I say that as someone who lives abroad and so quite often has people staying for a week at a time. Tbh, a week with inlaws can really push relationships to the limit as it is (even when all conditions are perfect and there's enough space) - add in squabbling children and lack of sleep and I think it will be like a pressure cooker!

bluebeck · 08/07/2019 15:30

OP, I get that the location of PILS house may be rural and outing, but telling us which airport you fly into wouldn't be!!!

You don't have to go to the town/village where their property is do you? In fact I would be travelling a couple of hours in the opposite direction.

No way would I go in this situation, even with tents/whatever. It will be a shit non holiday. Sad

badg3r · 08/07/2019 16:10

Yes I think your DH needs to be telling them that you would not have arranged the holiday if they had been there too since there is not enough space. Being cramped will be too stressful. And that since they had not been there in three years or expressed an interest in going then it had not crossed your mind that it might be an issue.

Then he needs to say you are looking at alternatives or getting your money back for the flights since you no longer have suitable accommodation.

Also agree with PP. surely as long as you are within a two hour or so drive of the airport it is ok, there must be a fairly wide radius you can explore for alternatives!

anxiousbean · 08/07/2019 16:17

I wouldn't separate your family because of their thoughtlessness.

I would all stay at home or all stay somewhere else. I think if you don't go with the baby, they have no incentive to behave better next time.

Or the tent in the garden idea is fine - but you must 100% insist that you DH does not go off with his dad for even an hour.

dontdoxmeeither · 08/07/2019 16:35

How unbelievably selfish. I wouldn't be going at all I'm afraid. I just wouldn't enjoy it and would probably be able to light a barbecue cue with the resentment I'd be seething.

Plus, if they "don't see the issue" then withdrawing might highlight just how undoable it is.

Tentomidnight · 08/07/2019 16:35

OP, if you go, who will do the cooking and cleaning?
With DH and FIL out and MIL elderly, I’m guessing you?
Cancel.

sonjadog · 08/07/2019 17:26

Presumably you are flying into somewhere and then travelling to this village? Why not look at booking somewhere elsewhere that uses the same airport? You don’t have to stay in this village and surrounding area, surely?

SaintWillibald · 08/07/2019 17:58

Is there no way that the in-laws could share a room for the week that you are there? Not ideal but slightly better.

Also, will they expect you to do all of the cooking and busy work whilst you’re there, as if in payment for your your stay?

CoraPirbright · 08/07/2019 18:07

I am outraged at their selfish and thoughtless behaviour! They are retired!! They could literally go any time they wanted to but they have booked to go when you are there....a week which you requested a year ago........I am absolutely speechless. And very very sorry OP.

CadburysTastesVileNow · 08/07/2019 18:15

Do not go OP. You will be doing most of the childcare and cooking, whether you are in a separate flat with the baby or not, but with the added stress of a 30 minute drive. You will have a better time at home.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/07/2019 20:27

I would be looking for accommodation for all of you in the total opposite direction from the airport. That is If you can find something affordable. How incredibly rude of them.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 20:34

My own mom just said its their house, so what can u say and I do see her point. But ask or share a room to make the numbers work.
I've washed my hands of it, I've told dp my three ultimatums eg we need three rooms not two so the pil need to share or I won't be coming and also, I'm. Not childcare for a week nor a chef nor a cleaner.

OP posts:
bluebeck · 08/07/2019 20:40

Good for you!

Thing is, he might tell you it's all sorted when really it isn't....When you get there ILS will say x happened so they really cannot share....

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/07/2019 20:44

Just saying you've washed your hands of it is not enough OP - it is far too easy atm for them to revert to their original plans once you're there. You will have no comeback from that and will be stuck.

PLEASE book the AirBnB. I can almost guarantee you'll regret not having done so. In fact, it would almost be comical if you could book it and not tell anyone. The looks on their faces when you say "Oh, I see all the kids are meant to be in one room. I did say before that that doesn't work for me; thankfully I booked alternative accommodation for me and Dbaby! Fuckity bye" and leave would be PRICELESS.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 20:47

Ha I'm on the only driver, so if that's the case I will go anywhere with a credit card n sort it with bby.
It's not happening as its unreasonable and not fair on kids, dp or me.
I have pnd which I'm getting treatment for at moment and I don't need the stress. I'm opting out, I told dp such and he agrees I don't need the stress and I quote 'will sort it, don't worry'!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 08/07/2019 20:51

Idk if you mentioned the pnd before. Deffo don’t stay with the in laws in that case. Do they know you’re unwell?

carlywurly · 08/07/2019 20:51

Oh god op, what a nightmare. I read your op and thought - tent! Put the 2 who get on best in a tent in the garden and the other one in the smallest bedroom.

There's no such thing as a free holiday is there? Sad we avoid a similar setup for similar reasons

cstaff · 08/07/2019 20:57

So basically your in-laws wanted a joint holiday, hence not charging you for the house. That way they figured that you would have no come back on them joining you. Stick to your conditions above and use the fact that you are the driver to your advantage.

HiJuice · 08/07/2019 20:57

Nightmare.

You need one room and baby another room. That leaves the 3 children who need 2 rooms between them. 2 tents might work. But it doesn't solve the daytime issues. I would hate this. Your DP needs to sort it out.

Rosemary46 · 08/07/2019 21:09

It’s your partner’s job to look after the three older children - they are his not yours. You are not a nanny or a housekeeper.

VenusClapTrap · 08/07/2019 21:15

Tent or tents for the older children is the answer. They’ll love it.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/07/2019 21:20

You need a holiday.

Not a 'visit with difficult family'. Or 'that holiday we'll be laughing about for years (or you'd have to cry)'. Not a 'well, it was interesting ' experience.

You need a relaxing, warm, fun, lovely, break.

They said you could have use of their house. They've reneged on that offer. Time for your DP to find somewhere else for all of you.

sandyfoot · 08/07/2019 21:21

I'm with the tent idea rather than the alternative accommodation idea. Better to all stay in one place for the sake of DSC as well as rest of you. You sound like a very reasonable person OP. Good luck, hope your PILs see sense and back off...

BluebellCockleshell123 · 08/07/2019 21:23

I absolutely would not go under these circumstances. There must be an option to rent somewhere reasonably priced for you all within a couple of hours drive of the airport. It doesn't need to be near the PILS...the further away the better! And anywhere would be better than being cramped into 2 bedrooms with a bad atmosphere.

I think you'll find that that if you don't book somewhere else then you'll arrive at their house and you won't have many choices - it'll be 2 bedrooms, your DH will be escaping with his dad to do his hobby and you will be the cook, the cleaner and the carer.