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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
candycane222 · 08/07/2019 13:08

And as PPS have said, if you go, then there is a big danger all the childcare will fall to you and DH will bog off with his dad.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 13:10

The little one isn't excited as he doesn't know the days of the week really or have any idea. It's a shame though . I wouldn't stop dp and older kids going if they want to as that would be very unfair.
Just annoying as I needed the break. I work full time so not a chance in hell is baby coming in with us the week before we were going away, I would be a zombie at work else.
I don't care if they think I'm dramatic I'm quite capable of being firm, I just don't need to normally as its easier just to smile and get on with things.

OP posts:
CruellaFeinberg · 08/07/2019 13:10

@Butterymuffin

Have you got travel insurance that would allow you to get the flight money back?

I dont think travel insurance will pay out in these circumstances

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 13:12

No they wouldn't but if only I. Didn't go we would loose very little tbh, as bbay is free as under 2.

OP posts:
TheRedBarrows · 08/07/2019 13:15

Book a separate place for you and the baby, or you stay at home with the baby.

Dp needs to explain to ILs that it is not a holiday if you have to sleep wit the baby.

And if you do go, in a separate place, or they relent on sharing a room, you never not once look after all the kids while Dp disappears off with his Dad. Not even for an hour. Make Dp swear - and if he looks as if he is going to capitulate to his Dad, instantly make a plan to go off on your own with the baby and stick to it.

I can see how this has happened, and the ILs probably think, oh, chance to spend time with them, it's our holiday home, they are in it, we can all be in it together, etc.

Jux · 08/07/2019 13:17

Send the older children. Your ILs think they won't be a problem so they won't mind. Then you and dh and baby can have quiet time at home alone. You'll lose the money for your flights but it's a small price to pay.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 13:19

No they can't look after children they are not capable and dps exw loathes her ex mil. She would flat refuse to allow them to travel if me and dp were not going as well. Tbh I wouldn't allow my ds either so I see her point.

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 08/07/2019 13:24

Based on the information you've posted @spanglyprincess1, about how your DH goes out for up to 14 hours at a time in order to avoid spending time with his mother on holiday, has no one else spotted a 'flaw' in the suggestion that the OP stays home with the baby and the DH and kids go away on the holiday? What is going to happen to the kids while your DH is out for up to 14 hours per day???

If you would give us the general location OP of where you were going to, we might be able to find other suitable locations for you but I have noticed that you're either not seeing this in the posts that others have suggested or you have seen the offers that people have posted saying they will help you try to find an alternative holiday and that you're ignoring it for some reason.

Spotsandstars · 08/07/2019 13:24

Nope I wouldn't go. How else will these people realise how unfair they are being? I would say something like 'oh well in that case there isn't enough room for all of us so will have to tell the kids we can't go' then cancel your plans. It's not a holiday otherwise just a hot cramped sleepover in a country you don't know with no escape from each other.

BillieEilish · 08/07/2019 13:24

manipulative and controlling.

Absolutely no chance your DH said it would/might be a good idea? They thn booked? He sounds totally controlled by them.

I would not go. that is much worse than staying at home. how stressful.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 08/07/2019 13:25

I'd be telling 'D'H that he'd better keep those bastards far away from me for the foreseeable future.
That if he wants to see them he takes the kids and pisses off. Because if he brings them I'd rip them apart.

candycane222 · 08/07/2019 13:25

Would exw not allow dp to take them without you?? Not clear but if so it makes you plan to ahve a paddling pool holidy with baby a bit tricky?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 13:26

Sorry that I can't say the location it's very rural and specific so would be outing. I honestly appreciate the offers of help and have found a small place for me. It's the 6 of us that are hard to rehome as it's peak school hols season.
But I appreciate the mn offers of help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 13:27

Sorry that read badly either me or dp would need to be there as well as pil. Pil and kids alone for any period of time even school runs is a total no go.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 08/07/2019 13:32

Well then there is no point in considering your Dh go with the older kids as he'll be tied to them for the week and most likely tied to his mother which won't work. I think you just need to forfeit the cost of the flights and make sure never to ask them for use of their holiday home again. They are beyond selfish and positively stupid if they think that 8 of you can squeeze into the house and all get on famously for the week. Tell dp to tell them today that it's not feasible.

amiapropermum · 08/07/2019 13:32

If they are going for a month and you arrive in the middle it's now their holiday that you are joining - their schedules, preferences etc. I just don't think I could go.

EdtheBear · 08/07/2019 13:33

Op you don't need to go to the same area / resort.

I'd look for anywhere else within a 4 hr drive of the airport. Preferable in the opposite direction from the airport as your ILs.

martinidry · 08/07/2019 13:33

I would hand my partner the baby, a selection of bottles and formula tomorrow morning and tell him that he'd better get used to ff ready for his holiday with his parents.

And, my week away to another European country would already be booked when I did it. He's the problem, he's the parent of all the children, so he can resolve the problems and parent his children.
Easy.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 13:34

I know it's sad. I just wanted to eat lazy food drink coffee and read (unlikley with a one year old anyway but I can dream)

OP posts:
coconutpie · 08/07/2019 13:36

@martinidry is that a joke? Are you seriously suggesting that the solution to this problem is that the OP stops bf her baby? That is the dumbest thing I've read on here.

coconutpie · 08/07/2019 13:37

OP, I would not go. I would need to make a stand on this one and just cancel the entire thing - all of you, not just you and baby. Can you reschedule the travel arrangements to say mid term instead since the summer holidays are totally booked out?

BillieEilish · 08/07/2019 13:37

I maintain DH kowtowed to them, without your knowledge, to keep the peace.

BillieEilish · 08/07/2019 13:39

Yes, you have to make a stand, otherwise all future arrangements will be you at the bottom of the pile.

candycane222 · 08/07/2019 13:39

OK got you spangly.

What a shame. But in future you won't be beholden to these selfish and (deliberately?) obtuse people, and you will have lots more fun holidays that you have designed between you, for you.

Millie2018 · 08/07/2019 13:39

The only realistic option here is to say this will not work and if they are going to be there you cannot. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but if you and baby stay somewhere else, you look like the one with the problem. Give them one last chance to do the decent thing. If they don’t, then cancel.
You need to tell them this isnt what you agreed. You also need to speak to DH. It isn’t fair. They have ruined your holiday.