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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Motoko · 11/07/2019 15:08

In the garden, at home, is perfectly fine. In the garden of a house in a foreign country, that might not have very secure boundaries, and maybe a swimming pool, not so fine.

Plus, as a pp mentioned, you'd have to lug it all on a plane, either reducing how much other luggage you can take, or costing extra money.

The children's mum might also not want her children sleeping in a tent there.

Whackitupto200 · 11/07/2019 16:41

There's nothing wrong with a tent in the garden for the kids. DD and her friends used to love it! I think the first time we let a load of them camp in the garden they were 7 or 8. (My parents would pitch a tent almost every summer from when my bros and I were much younger than that, but things were different back then I suppose.)

The tent idea only works if the PILs already have a handy four man tent, plus sleeping mats and bags, at their villa.

Otherwise OP will need to buy all the stuff. Have you seen how expensive four man tents are? Plus sleeping mats and sleeping bags?? For the price of buying all that gear, the OP and her family could go on another holiday. OP would need to bring the tent, plus 4 x mats and sleeping bags on the plane. Four man tents are huge - will they even have space in their hire car with all their other luggage when they get to the other end?

Otherwise they have to buy one when they get there, which means wasting a day of their holiday on a pointless and expensive shopping trip that wouldn’t even need to happen if the PILs weren’t inconsiderate dicks.

I think we can kill the tent idea now. Really.

Weenurse · 12/07/2019 09:29

How does DH think things will work?

TremblingFanjo · 14/07/2019 11:47

Is it all sorted now, OP?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/07/2019 12:59

No idea I'm still out with a female friend... But I hope so

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 14/07/2019 21:11

I hope it got sorted op...

devilcakes · 14/07/2019 22:14

How did it go? Did your dp step up?

MummyToBe89 · 15/07/2019 13:46

Please tell me your DP has put a stop to this!!

The thought of you going through all this stress, whilst battling PND, is horrendous! Please put us out of our misery and tell us your In Laws totally agree and will let you get them an air bnb, or at least share a room!

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 15/07/2019 14:22

He forgot so is doing it Thursday when he goes over. I suspect the answer is were not going tbh
Fine. I have wine and a padding pool plus nature centre for my ds but shame for older ones.

OP posts:
Rosemary46 · 15/07/2019 14:34

He forgot ? Hmm Hmm

I suspect you ARE going and you will be expected to suck it up.

Guardsman18 · 15/07/2019 14:43

How on earth did he forget? I remembered that it was going to be mentioned and sorted out on Sunday and I'm not going!!

Motoko · 15/07/2019 14:46

Bollocks did he "forget"! He's just stalling, because he doesn't want to have this conversation.

The only way it will happen, is of you have it with the ILs.

MummyToBe89 · 15/07/2019 15:05

OP he’s a wimp of a man! Tell him to phone them today or you’ll do it yourself and it’ll be much better coming from him!!

How can he forget something which is causing you so much upset!

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2019 15:15

Oh Spangly love. You know he didn't forget, right? He's just much more happy with upsetting you than them.

Sashkin · 15/07/2019 15:37

Of course he didn't "forget".

From PIL's point of view, they get a room each and see their grandchildren, and have somebody on hand to drive them around and cook and clean for them.

From DH's POV, he gets a golfing holiday with his DF, the brownie points of his DM having a holiday with her grandchildren, and somebody to cook and clean and look after his children so he doesn't need to worry about what DM is up to with them.

From DC's POV, they get a holiday. DC do not have the foresight and self-reflection to care whether they are going to be squabbling or not (they will care at the time, but won't think about that beforehand).

The only person who is going to be fucked over by this is you. You will be completely fucked over, and have a really shit week. The children squabbling will be "your fault" - you'll be looking after them all week, and MIL will not understand why you can't control them, and get huffy with you for letting them misbehave and spoiling her holiday. You won't see your DH for dust.

You need to put your foot down - nobody else will, because nobody else has any motivation to.

Happynow001 · 15/07/2019 16:13

I agree with Sashkin.

OP - you don't really believe he "forgot" do you? He's being a wimp and prevaricating until it's too late so you have to go along, however unhappily, with his/his parents' plans and you end up with the short end of the stick.

Please - make your own plans for yourself and your baby.
^
Either travel over but stay at some distance to everyone so you don't end up being a chauffeur, babysitter plus chief cook and bottle washer or, better yet, let them all go without you and stay behind with the baby.^
I'd honestly rather stay home with a padding pool and the ice cream van/zoo trips.

^Enjoy the piece, quiet and calm to do things in your own time, at your own inclination and your own pace.
^
I know his dad will drag dp out and I am not being left with his mother and 4 children (3 of whom are not mine) for the majority of a holiday.^
^
You sounded so confident and positive in your earlier posts ^ but sound so resigned now...^

Are you trying to come to terms with the dawning realisation that you will do whatever everyone else wants, and you follow on behind?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 15/07/2019 16:24

Spoke to soon. He spoke to fil who said will talk to mil about them two sharing a room. Fil doesn't think it will be an issue.
Tbh fil isn't the issue anyway.
So... That's as far as we got. He's talk dsc n ds to see them Thursday after school, fingers crossed

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 15/07/2019 17:05

How high is the possibility that even though they say they will share a room, when you get there MIL will have already setup in a separate room and refuse to budge? I would want to hear agreement from the horses mouth (not via dh via FIL) before we go so there are no misunderstandings.

CoraPirbright · 15/07/2019 17:26

Fil doesn't think it will be an issue.

Hmm. But what they say & what will happen when you turn up at the villa are two entirely different things.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 15/07/2019 17:41

Surely if you say you’ll look for other accommodation or won’t go then they’ll not come!? Seems unbelievably selfish on their part. Your dh really needs to stand up for his family here!

PrincessMargaret · 15/07/2019 17:48

Can't he just ring them NOW and explain it's not going to work? Don't see why he has to wait til he sees them in person.

PanamaPattie · 15/07/2019 17:51

Sashkin has nailed it.

7yo7yo · 15/07/2019 17:57

Op why don’t you just keep your flights and look at air bnb?
Eg if your flying into faro airport look at something in albufeira
Palma airport look at areas that would be nice.
Villas can be reasonably priced hopefully with a pool and you might get a decent bargain.

LemonTreeLemon · 15/07/2019 18:16

The truth of the matter is that the PIL have booked their flights and are planning on being there a month so they're definitely not going to cancel.

It's also their house so they're not going to agree to moving out for the week you're there.

So your options are

  1. cancel completely
  2. let DP go on his own with the older kids.
  3. you all go

Options for you all going are
A) book an Airbnb for you all
B) book an Airbnb just for you & baby
C) get in laws to share a room and insist DP doesn't go out and leave you - even for a minute.

callmeadoctor · 15/07/2019 18:21

Not much of a holiday now though for you OP Sad

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