Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 09/07/2019 10:11

I am interested to see how DH fixes this

popehilarious · 09/07/2019 10:15

They are selfish twats. It won't be a holiday for you. Please put the money towards a fun staycation or something!

The fact they are so thoughtless about the rooms indicates they'll be thoughtless while there. They will expect you to do everything around their timescales, to their plan, as it's their house and now their holiday that you happen to be joining.
No way would I be going.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 09/07/2019 10:26

Cancel OP ...cancel for all of you...this is ruined now what ever way you look at it...the kids being displaced and cramped...no relaxation for you with in laws around...and you splitting from your husband to stay somewhere else will ruin a family holiday altogether...if this was me I would cancel for everyone,cut my losses and stress levels and get the plastic out and re book anywhere ...anywhere at all where you dh and kids can be left alone in peace as a family to enjoy your break...their actions are selfish and foolish and wrong do not be beholden to them...have your holiday and pay it back on the plastic over time ..it will be worth it ...your kids will not be happy when mummy drives in a car with baby away from them on an evening its a daft suggestion that one...just cancel...

TheHoundsofLove · 09/07/2019 10:44

Since you've already got flights and presumably a car booked, I would be looking for somewhere else to stay. There must be somewhere suitable! Depending on your flight times, even up to about a 4 hour drive from the airport would be easier/more relaxing than your current option.

WatchingTVagain · 09/07/2019 10:53

Also how many bathrooms does the house have as that could be another issue. Have you booked flights that can be changed even for a fee? Is it possible to rearrange flights to a different week (after they've left). There's no way I would be going and I would be getting DH to explain in very short words to his parents exactly why!

LakieLady · 09/07/2019 11:09

I also agree that DH promise won’t be worth a bean once he’s there

I would want it in writing and signed in blood! And at the slightest hint of him so much as popping to the shop with FIL, I would brandish the document and forbid him to breach the agreement.

Your MH must come first, OP. This should be an opportunity for you to recoup and recover. Just reading about it is pissing me off, god knows what the prospect is doing to you. Flowers

Book somewhere else for all of you, please.

EdtheBear · 09/07/2019 11:19

Children those ages no I wouldn't be happy with them in a tent together either.

I think I'd ask ILs directly which room are they sleeping in. And making it crystal clear that its not appropriate for 11 yo to be sharing with child of opposite sex.

You are in a total quandary it's easy for people to say cancel but it's not easy to tell children their holiday is cancelled.

I hope you do manage some chill out time but it once bitten twice shy. You know not to accept offers of ILs property again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2019 11:21

Your dp can sleep in a tent with the children then. 😊 he’s not tackling the situation properly. If he were he would be telling his parents they are reneging on the deal. Or just saying hang the cost, we will air bnb. Or booking a uk holiday etc. As is he’s cajoling and begging his parents to consider sharing a room.

Figgygal · 09/07/2019 11:28

Their house or not they are taking the piss gatecrashimh your holiday is just aggressive and shit

sandyfoot · 09/07/2019 11:44

And making it crystal clear that its not appropriate for 11 yo to be sharing with child of opposite sex.

Really? Am I reading this right? Do people honestly think it's not appropriate for brothers and sisters to share a bedroom on holiday? I get the lack of sleep thing and lovely to avoid it but inappropriate?! WTAF?

sandyfoot · 09/07/2019 11:51

Haven't figured out this Mumsnet thing. I was referring to EdTheBear's comment below

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 09/07/2019 11:54

I don't think it's inappropriate at all! They are full siblings. I think they will fight like a bag of cats if put in one room, from expirence! It will be hideous and middle two don't get on well.
Bbay wakes twice a night and screams, so I don't want to put baby with children or he will wake them or them him.
I don't want baby in with me. For smae reason, he's super sensative to me Being around and cries for me

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 09/07/2019 11:55

I don’t think you should cancel because as you’ve said, you need a holiday and have been looking forward to it. But you should definitely book somewhere else for you and baby to be in peace Smile

lmusic87 · 09/07/2019 12:03

What have the inlaws said OP?

Chocolatehat · 09/07/2019 12:04

Book a place nearby for all 6 of you. Don’t exclude yourself from your own family holiday.
Have you thought about contacting them yourself and being very forthright? Tell them that unless they share a room you cannot go. Put the ball in their court.

livefornaps · 09/07/2019 12:06

At 11 , i would have torn my brothers' throats out if we'd all.had to share - i guess in one room there aren't even seperate beds for them.all?

What are you going to do?

EdtheBear · 09/07/2019 12:28

It depends on the children, if the 11 yo is a girl she may well be having periods. So no it's not really appropriate.

And the kids sharing rooms is not what the op signed up too. Just another thing to remind the ILs off when she talks to them.

I'd be making sure and using every excuse and reason I can come up with to ensure the ILs share a room and free up an extra room for the children.

MerdedeBrexit · 09/07/2019 12:28

It's all very well for people to tell the OP to book a place for all her family separately, but I'm guessing at least part of the attraction of the in-laws' villa is that it was going to be free, and with flights booked well in advance, they would have been reasonably cheap, too.
FWIW, OP, I'd see if I could change my flights to other dates, or just send your husband and the step-children and relax with easy food and coffee and your baby at home.

Chunkers · 09/07/2019 12:43

Has your DP told the children they will have to share? Perhaps their reaction to this may change his perspective.

Even if the IL’s share a room, their presence will greatly change the dynamic of the holiday and you will be stuck between appreciating their ‘hospitality’ and enjoying the randomness of what your family would choose to do any given day.

My vote is for finding an alternative place to stay, not necessarily near them, but wherever you can find within a reasonable radius of the airport.

Good luck!

MumUndone · 09/07/2019 13:33

This is giving me the rage. What utterly selfish, unthinking twonks your in-laws are being.

sandyfoot · 09/07/2019 13:35

OP has already said it would be too expensive to find alternative accommodation for 6 people! Understandably so. I would be raging if it was me, even if there were enough bedrooms. Dynamic of holiday totally changed and PILs sound like tricky customers.

Good luck OP, really hope your DP makes his folks see reason

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 09/07/2019 14:05

Thanks everyone, at least I'm not being mental thinking it's completely not okay.

OP posts:
Laiste · 09/07/2019 14:15

OP did you say up thread that your parents have a holiday home?

Honestly if i were you i'd let DH go to this one with the kids and sort a holiday together with him at your parents place later in the summer if you can.

@QueenEnid Shock at your inlaws turning up like that. And Angry at your DH not letting on about it. As we speak i'm a bit afraid that i'm sleepwalking into a very similar situation which will commence at the end of August. Right down to DH keeping his mouth shut .... Keep an eye out for me on AIBU Grin

justasking111 · 09/07/2019 14:16

So your in laws cannot even bunk in together on holiday. I would use that as the excuse, not enough space for all of you. Be honest say you were not expecting them to be there and bow out.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 09/07/2019 14:19

I honestly do not think the tent idea is acceptable. I would not have been happy with that at 11 and I wonder what would happen when they mention it to their mother.