To tell people it’s often worth persevering with breastfeeding

[BarberBabyBubbles]

Obviously not if baby at risk or mum at risk in any way and bf not helping. Or if mum just doesn’t want to etc etc.

But for my own part, I really really struggled with bf DD1. Just the usual really - sore nipples, cluster feeding for hours, blocked ducts, she lost a normal amount of weight at first but it worried me as I was new to it.

But after about 2-3 months it was very easy and very convenient FOR ME. Yes there were benefits to the baby but my life was also a lot easier. My mum suggested I stick with it because it would be beneficial in the long term and she was right.

I feel like bf gets a bad press. I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round). I do wonder if people could see the benefits after the tricky bit is over they might stick at it a bit more?

The support I know is sadly not really there but also I think it’s a shame some people stop when in the “normally difficult” period.

*anyone should

@Sandybval . Exactly. When I finally got the courage to complain - 3 years later, the said that they would of course support mixed feeding now . As if giving birth and feeding babies was some new fangled medical procedure that they didn't really understand. This was nearly 10 years ago they said this to me. Sounds like little has changed.

@Nishky I absolutely acknowledge that there are cases where a woman can’t bf but actually I would say it’s not as common on here as people think. I was one convinced that I couldn’t.

Also, as a pp said, this thread is about encouraging those who want To breastfeed but are struggling. I think it’s very important to make that distinction.

snuggybuggy yes there are clearly some reasons why bf rates are lower but I personally feel that in my situation the medics were saving my life - I lost 3.5 litres of blood and had sepsis (on top of having inverted nipples) so whilst I was in intensive care my baby had to be fed. I'm sure if they could have avoided separating us they would have. I am all for BF and support anyone who can - but it isn't always possible.

You see I find all the stats on BF pointless. They are usually done on a global scale as are the benefits.

Many women and babies who survive in the uk would be dead in many other countries round the world. Trauma during birth often leads women unable to produce milk/baby to bf. So I always question that so few women in the uk cannot bf. Out of our NCTgroup if 7. One didn’t want to try (oh how they were shamed by the teacher) 1 bf her v tiny baby, the other 5 spent weeks trying with specialists helping,talk of drugs to get the milk flowing, hand expressing etc through v severe maternal illnessess.

7 years later we all have lovely, healthy intelligent kids. Choice of feeding method is such a small part of who a child is going to be. In the UK there’s very little infant mortality so many other things are more important in shaping the adult. I would suggest the money and effort put into bf by hospitals would be far better spent ensuring the mental health of the mums, ensuring all children of school age have access to nutritious food throughout their school life.

“I appreciate that but unfortunately many of the responses seem to suggest that women who "couldn't" actually could but chose not to - I really don't accept that is always the case.”

I am very sorry you feel like that. Certainly that is not whatI am trying to say. What I am trying to say is that many women are led to believe that they can’t bf, but with proper support and education they could. And they they could make a choice about whether they wanted to from a position of strength. Some women couldn’t, whatever support they got. But so very many women give up (and feel sad and guilty about it-giving up is absolutely fine if you want to) when with proper information they may have been able to carry on. It’s all about proper, informed choices.

lifeover I totally agree.

It is worth remembering we have the lowest rates of breast feeding in the world.

If we don't ask what is particular about UK culture and healthcare that has led to that we're missing a massive trick in supporting the 80% of women who say they stopped BF before they wanted to.

@Alexkate2468 thanks for your contributions to this thread

@Kentishgal your experience sounds very tough. In your situation formula is more like life saving medicine to me. I’m not talking about people persevering in that sort of situation.

Some of the overnight posts - wow. I don’t feel engaging will be helpful as I’ve same several times I don’t care how people feed their babies and I think most people on this thread and IRL are not judgemental.

I created the thread as a lot of mums start to bf, want to bf but stop as there is a lack of understanding / wrong expectations about the first few weeks of bf. And sadly as bf rates are very long (especially after the first few months) there are very few people are there to say don’t worry, this is normal, I got through, it’s great for me because..,, If that mum wants to hear that. Which granted, we can’t generalise about and that’s just an individual thing - it’d help some and piss off some.

Also created the thread as I’m concerned about low bf rates in the UK.

Also created the thread as I have friends who wish that with their first they had got better information and stuck it out. Some who are very upset by it.

Sounds like my NCT Groups and Midwives are extreme rairities. Not one drop of judgement from any of them, just superior of choices.

But the thing is, people (like me) who have serious post natal health problems are considered not to have tried hard enough, or to have failed. Especially when given bald stats about poor breastfeeding rates in the UK. It is assumed that we are a tiny number and don't deserve careful language.

*low not long!

“But the thing is, people (like me) who have serious post natal health problems are considered not to have tried hard enough, or to have failed.“
Not by me.

@Lifeover I agree with a lot of that. But if you want to bf you still want to bf. And my point was it is not just the health benefits to baby why I’m glad I did bf...it was also x, y, z. Reduced waste, cheaper, feeding lying down, not being a problem running out when I’m long journeys etc etc

This thread was supposed to be one about encouraging those who can breast feed but just don’t have all the facts to make an informed choice. I don’t believe it was ever the intention of op to force or guilt those who can’t

This absolutely!! A thread aimed at women who would really like to breastfeed, who are struggling because they’re at the 6 week clusterfeed hell and are considering stopping because they don’t know it will get better!
Then it becomes a huge pile on from women who either couldn’t BF or CHOSE formula saying that allbreastfeeding women are smug bitches and how dare we tell you what you should do with your own breasts... followed by basically emotional blackmail to try and shut down the conversation! I’m sorry you had bad experiences, I really really am... but that doesn’t make it ok to try and STOP women discussing breastfeeding! If you find it triggering, may I respectfully suggest you do not open the thread.

@ethelfleda yes agreed

I suspect quite a few of us take the same view - bf is great, mothers should be given as much support as possible (and from what I've read, clearly some aren't getting that) but ultimately it won't always be possible and so thank you to modern medicine / science. Oh and stop judging each other because it doesn't help anyone. I'm having an ELCS in 2 days and I promise if I can breastfeed this time I will give it my best shot 😉!

@ethelfleda I agree, I am heartbroken about not persevering with BFing, because I trusted the advice given without (stupidly) looking into it myself- although in honesty I didn't have the physical or mental strength to at the time. These discussions are important as I don't want other women to feel like I do, and it's not about being unable to BF, or not wanting to; it's about wanting to but not getting the support/advice.

@Kentishgal how exciting! Good luck with DC2 (just in general not just about bf!! )

And yes I think (hope) that’s what most of us think!

My eldest needed that lifesaving medicine for a week or so. We were later able to establish exclusive BF. So I'm glad it's there. I also think it could have been handled better and the transition supported.

That doesn't prevent me from saying that support is woeful, women need better information and we've got a crashing cultural problem that's, I suspect in good part due to buttoned up Britishness around women's bodies doing what they're supposed to rater than having a purely decorative or sexual function.

It's totally possible to occupy both positions simultaneously. People generally advocate for BF support because they actually care about women and babies.

Thank you babybarberbubbles! Fingers crossed (on both counts!)

@Sandybval yes exactly. You sound just like my friend who was given crap advice and is trying to come to terms with it.

“Oh and stop judging each other because it doesn't help anyone.“

Yep- and also please people, stop assuming that anything positive anyone says about bf is a judgement on ff. It isn’t. And the assumption makes conversation very difficult.

Lifeover.... whereas my nct group of 7:

1 Never bf at all, never wanted to and was clear about this

1 half heartedly tried to latch a few times in hospital, said babies wasn't bothered and switched to the formula brought with them to the hospital. Baby no more interested in that than bf, never a big eater!

1 bf until 11m (me) - lots of family support including mum driving me to bf clinic on day 4!

1 - started, no probs but baby had reflux and mum found it a pain expressing to add medication in. She later hugely regretted stopping.

3 - started and had no major problems with latch, supply etc. All had purchased perfect prep machines, bottles etc before birth, so it wasn't really a surprise that they lasted between 2 & 8 weeks combi feeding. All had mums and Mils who had bottle fed who wanted to give baby a bottle, and had expectations that it was quite normal to leave baby with grandma overnight from time to time from early on.

All complained from early on that their baby wasn't satisfied and needed formula top ups, but if you give top ups from the outset which all did, you will have supply problems!