To be worried about friend- are these behaviours ok?

[ValleyofCrows]

My friend has been acting strangely (IMO) over the past few months.

Her personality has remained the same but she has started behaving differently. When I have commented she either becomes defensive or brushes it off.

Some of the things are

1. When she wants a cold drink (can of pop) she takes it out of the fridge and puts it in the freezer for exactly 15 minutes (uses a timer) so it’s the right temperature.

1. Buys plastic containers and transfers food items from original packaging into tubs / containers which she will then label herself like ‘nuts’, biscuits, rice etc. Everything has to be facing the correct way so the label can be read as soon as the cupboard is opened.

1. Sets the table for breakfast the night before.

1. Won’t ever drive in to a parking space, always reversing despite that sometimes being more tricky.

1. Started carrying spare plastic bags in her hand bag in case she ‘needs’ them

1. Buys food for the whole family, but some items are ‘forbidden’ for everyone else e.g mini Aeros were not allowed to be eaten by anyone and hidden at the back of one of the cupboards and her daughter found them and ate some and was then accused of being a ‘thief’.

1. Everything is totally spotless and organised a certain way - books are arranged a certain way on the shelves so the tops create a an ‘even’ line of symmetry.

1. Started sewing bits of Velcro on the edges of pillow cases to keep them ‘shut’ when she sleeps on them.

There are probably lots of other things- is this normal?

I don't think any of those things are odd.

Some are quite practical!

Why are you concerned - is there something else going on? History of issues?

Are you hoping that someone is going to say that your friend has OCD op? Some of your points seem a bit obsessive but some not so much. Ultimately though, other than mention to her that you've noticed some unusual behaviours that she may want to discuss with her GP, what are you looking for here?

It does sound a bit unusual - has she mentioned anything about how she feels about it? I can understand the coke thing - I set a timer when I do stuff like that to stop me from forgetting it and it exploding and I decant a lot of stuff into kilner jars because they look nice and we have allergies in the family so I prefer to have stuff properly sealed. The other stuff does sound a bit more compulsive than practical though.

It might be she just likes things a certain way, likes to control the cleanliness of her house etc.
I think it would be an issue if she became fixated on these behaviours, and became agitated/stressed if she couldn’t complete them, essentially if they become compulsions and control her life then that would be cause for concern.

So she’s become house proud and you think she has OCD? It doesn’t work like that, OCD is an anxiety disorder and would result in a change of personality. The compulsive actions form from a habit you develop that soothes the anxiety and it becomes repetitive by nature. Sewing Velcro and having all the books lined up in a specific order doesn’t indicate a worry. Repeatedly lining those books up until it is absolutely perfect, even if it takes 3 hours, is an issue.

For what it’s worth I buy only myself a treat and none of the kids are allowed it. If they take without asking while knowing it’s something they’re not allowed that is stealing.

Lots of those are very sensible and lots of people do them, like transferring things to containers and reversing into parking spaces; I think the Velcro on the pillowcases is genius and I might try it myself!

I was concerned because she never did any of these things before

Nothing strange about any of these things! I find it strange that you're so invested in this though

I think the mist worrying factors is not what she is doing, but that these behaviours are new.

1. maybe she has discovered she likes it best thus way, can she drink in-frozen drinks also?
2. maybe so,done has given her this idea. My dm transfers her flour and cereal,to,plastic tubs.
3. my dm does,this
4. I prefer to reverse in, as its then easier to,drive straight out
5. don’t most people,now have a spare plastic bag in their handbag? I never used to do this, but since the 5p bag rule, I now do,this
6. I also save certain food, although wouldn’t accuse anyone being a thief
7. is this new behaviour?
8. never heard of this before. Maybe she read it somewhere.

Perhaps she’s been looking at Pinterest or reading house keeping magazines. Lots of stuff in there like you’ve said your friend does

Maybe she’s just trying to get her life more organised. Unless she’s spending hours doing and redoing these things, and going back and checking them then it doesn’t sound like it’s an issue.

Oh god, I don’t know why I bother. I was just concerned because they are out of character not because I’m ‘over invested’ or implying she has ‘OCD’

Just interested in opinions not to be criticised

None of that sounds weird. I do the packet thing because I hate trying to reseal stuff like sugar and flour and pasta. My mum always set the breakfast table the night before and everything had to be spotless - she still 'jokes' she has OCD. She doesn't. She just likes neatness and order. It's fine. If anything her constant joking about her 'OCD' makes me more annoyed than her commitment to perfection.

Also, the timing the drink in the freezer thing is a great idea because if she forgets, the drink is wrecked.

Some of that does sound weird to me.

Velcro on pillow cases? Timing to the minute how long a can is in the fridge??

The rest in isolation seem ok but you know your friend better than we do, and I’m guessing it’s a growing concern.

Why not ask her?

I'm going against the flow. If my friend suddenly started doing all these new things at once, I'd be concerned.

It's one thing to already have these habits. Another to suddenly have these controlling things crop up.

Saraclara - exactly, she’s never done any of these things so that’s why I was concerned

I agree that some of these behaviours are quite unique, but could it be as simple as she's started following a new blog that's given her lots of new ideas?

Why wouldn’t you ask your friend about it? Perhaps she has a very ‘rationale’ reason for each of these things.

Thing is, written in a list like that those behaviours seem like the behaviours and habits of an organised person. That's all. Nothing worrying, I do 6 of them and I'm not even all that organised.

But we don't know your friend; you do. If you're very concerned and she's brushing you off there's not a lot you can do except tell her you're there for her if/when she ever needs some support.

I do some of things, wished I done some (Velcro idea is genius!!), and am preparing to do some of those things (I’m slowly collecting my containers for flour etc). I do have generalised anxiety disorder, however this has zilch to do with it- I’m just trying to be organised!!

Some people do this kind of stuff, but it not ok is she’s suddenly started doing them.
Is her husband like that, has he got her behaving like him .
Is she under any stress you know about.

I thought all mums bought 'forbidden' chocolate and hid it! I have a stash of jellybeans somewhere!

Nothing is odd about any of that stuff, as a pp has said it sounds like she's read a blog. Of course plastic containers would need to face the way that you could read the label when you open the cupboard

Was she previously very disorganised?

I think all of them together, and suddenly, are very odd.

Has she been reading "life hack" shit on the internet?

I wonder if she's been looking at Mrs hinch my friend has started doing all this but it's because of that bloody woman