To be worried about friend- are these behaviours ok?

[ValleyofCrows]

My friend has been acting strangely (IMO) over the past few months.

Her personality has remained the same but she has started behaving differently. When I have commented she either becomes defensive or brushes it off.

Some of the things are

1. When she wants a cold drink (can of pop) she takes it out of the fridge and puts it in the freezer for exactly 15 minutes (uses a timer) so it’s the right temperature.

1. Buys plastic containers and transfers food items from original packaging into tubs / containers which she will then label herself like ‘nuts’, biscuits, rice etc. Everything has to be facing the correct way so the label can be read as soon as the cupboard is opened.

1. Sets the table for breakfast the night before.

1. Won’t ever drive in to a parking space, always reversing despite that sometimes being more tricky.

1. Started carrying spare plastic bags in her hand bag in case she ‘needs’ them

1. Buys food for the whole family, but some items are ‘forbidden’ for everyone else e.g mini Aeros were not allowed to be eaten by anyone and hidden at the back of one of the cupboards and her daughter found them and ate some and was then accused of being a ‘thief’.

1. Everything is totally spotless and organised a certain way - books are arranged a certain way on the shelves so the tops create a an ‘even’ line of symmetry.

1. Started sewing bits of Velcro on the edges of pillow cases to keep them ‘shut’ when she sleeps on them.

There are probably lots of other things- is this normal?

I thought you were writing about me until I read number 7.

I do this because it's practical for me to get organised for tomorrow while the kids are sleeping.

I've exploded many a can in my freezer before so I time for 10 mins so I don't forget it's in there.

I need to know what I'm looking at, no point in shoving it all in the cupboard to rummage through. Storage containers make the stuff I've bought last longer. Who wants stale biscuits. I can stack them and it's a space saver.

School run, young baby, older child, husband works away. Table is always set the night before, cereal box on table, bowls and spoons out. Eldest will get milk jug out the fridge.

Sorry typo, last sentence of penultimate paragraph should say "which comes from a place of love".

Odd if she started doing it out of nowhere with no explanation and is defensive. Strange behaviour imo...I may attempt some of this stuff but justify it, as pp said I can admit I have picked up some Pinterest life hacks and some bits from mrs hinch

. I do all of these things apart from the Velcro on pillowcases. Probably because my Mum did. I also have a basic spreadsheet for Christmas planning and holiday packing because most things are the same most years but can be customised. One person's weird is another person's organised

Velcro on pillow cases is genius - I hate them gaping open, scrunching up and causing lines on my face that don’t fade until lunch time!

None of that sounds weird to me, even if it is new. She’s found little ways of being more organised, found a way she prefers to store stuff, little hacks etc.

I think the CHANGE in behaviour is telling. The behaviours themselves are a bit OTT but individually not crazy stuff.

It’s a worry, I agree.

OP I can understand why your worried

Has your friend faced any problems recently?Anything traumatic that has happened to her or someone she cares for?

Stress or a shock can make people worry about anything unknown going on around them,some times it can cause a person to develop an unhealthy need to have everything just so(perfect)because it's they're way of trying to put some order back in they're life when something bad has happened and it's made them feel out of control.

It becomes a problem when it starts to dictate the way they live and the way they interact with the people they're closest to.

I hope that makes sense(I've only read the first page and saw you were getting a hard time)and it does sound like there is an issue for your friend,are you able to talk to her DP/or another close family member or friend and just let them know that your a bit worried about her,others may be worried as well and knowing that they're not the only one that has noticed the changes may help them reach out to your friend.

TBH I do understand your concerns...Is she anxious for any reason? Just keep your eye on the ball !! Glad that you have noticed..you are a good friend!!

Yes you sound weirdly over invested.

I'm sure I could make an 'odd list' for all of my close friends if I bothered to. Thing is, I don't bother.

I could make my own list. I reckon anything sounds weird when you write it down. Here we go:

1. I always have breakfast at the same time, once I've got to work and turned my computer on.

2. I change my sheets once a week

3. if I have leftovers I put them into an Tupperware container.

4. When I run out of something I wrote it on my list on the side of the fridge.

5. I get cross if any of my family use the last of something and don't write it on my list.

OMG. WEIRDO ALERT. @MUMSNET WHAT CAN BE WRONG WITH ME?

6. would worry me. I have a friend who was anorexic as a teenager, and one of the things her mother used to do was accuse her of stealing food.

Someone "not really using the internet" in this day and age is odder than all the other things tbh!

You beat me to it @Namestheyareachangin!

I am amazed that you think that carrying a spare plastic with you is odd- that is literally the point of the plastic bag charge! She probably saw Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall at that rubbish dump in Malaysia and vowed to change her ways.

These behaviours do seem mildly OCD, and such behaviours can often be triggered by stress or other things. Maybe it is her way of coping with a stressful period or situation, having some order over the things she CAN control.

Until recently, I was a reasonably unorganised person. But then I discovered Marie Kondo and now everything in my house is beautifully boxed, labelled and displayed. I usually decant things like cereals, rice etc. into other containers and remove standard labels like BREF! as they offend my eyes. I carry spare bags as that’s normal practice nowadays. I simply like being organised and saving myself time and headspace - and I’ve found it’s a lovely way to live.

I definitely think it's a bit odd if she's suddenly started doing all these things and is being super pedantic. However whether or not it's actually a problem is another issue altogether. Does it impact her quality of life or that of people around her? Does she become anxious if she can't do things exactly as she wants? If not, then although it might be a bit weird, it is probably not a problem. If these behaviours are causing issues in her life, then perhaps she needs to speak to someone. She won't benefit from that though unless she is ready/willing/feels safe (I.e. doesn't feel judged).

@Ivegotthree
How have you and your children even survived this long??
😱Shock,gasp and clutch them pearls girl!
Lolololol....You sound like a great Mama❤

If it's only been a few months she's probably just found some of those home organisational blogs or Instagram pages. I have a friend who changes based on things she reads on Facebook! So far she has been organised housewife, vegan, up-cycler, naturopath, skater mum, gin collecter, photographer, sugar free etc etc

None of this is weird. EVERYONE develops new habits and ways of doing things all the time, usually when things turn out to be practical/useful/enjoyable in some way.

I would be really annoyed if a friend watched me so closely that they not only noticed tiny things that I do but made a whole list of them and tried to turn them into a reason to be concerned. I would feel uncomfortable being around that friend in future as I would feel like my every move was being analyzed. If it were actual concerning behaviours then I would understand, but these are average and normal things that most people do.

She's simplifying her life. And the actions she's put into place will probably make her feel happier, organized and in control.
I've done similar as I was feeling anxious about certain things and it worked.
She's probably not spoken about her decision as it's not terribly interesting but enhances her life.
Good on her!

I used to sneer at Tupperware but swear by it now. Who wants multiple open packets in the cupboard? Plastic containers...or better...glass ones, keep your food fresh.

I imagine the timer isn't so she can get her drinks to the correct temperature but so she doesnt forget it and leave a can of pop in the freezer.

Going against the grain but I think a lot of this is weird if it's all started out of the blue at the same time.

If you mean that being orderly, tidy and organised is an issue then yes she’s probably guilty.

You are probably seriously getting on her nerves implying there is a problem. I’d stop going on about it if I were you.

Any one who doesn’t organise their books in alphabetical order by author, and in chronological order is weird surely. .
All of us have these foibles I think what we see as organised and tidy others see as ott and vice versa.
I wouldn’t worry too much.

She sounds like your average batshit mumsnet poster to me.