To be embarrassed by husband’s rudeness

[Justsorude]

My husband likes to think of himself as a person with good character, kind thoughtful etc. However he has demonstrated several times a lack of fairly normal social manners which makes me cringe.

Today we were in a different town 12 or so miles away from where we live. We stopped to buy a drink on the way back to the car a 5-10 mins walk away.. However on getting back to the car he had lost his wallet. He ran back and asked in the shop but no luck and he didn’t see it on the road.

He was gutted all the way home. It had all his cards including debit and credit, his drivers license, winning lottery ticket but luckily only £10 in cash (DH is well off)
The first thing he did was cancel the cards.
I was upstairs when 15 minutes later there was a knock at the door. The chap at the door asked if this was the address. Yes says DH, are you DH name, Yes says DH, have you lost something, Yes says DH. Chap hands over the wallet which DH checks and it has everything in. DH takes the wallet asks where it was found, which the guy gives a fairly detailed explaination of location ( essentially on the pavement) DH says “thanks” and shuts the door.
I yell down “give him the tenner”. DH comes up and says “how annoying I’ve just cancelled the cards” in a slightly entitled way.. I tell him he has to try and give him the money. DH gets out the tenner opens the door and says he’s gone. He didn’t even try to go after him.
I’m really cross as this stranger has driven 20 minutes to return the wallet and DH just gave him a rather cool thank you.
DH says he wasn’t thinking straight whichh is his answer every time. We have no idea who he is. We have no idea how out of the way he had to drive at his own expense. AIBU to think DH had enough time to at least thank the stranger properly or give him the tenner or take a number to buy him a bottle/case of beer. Its just what you do surely?
I’m really cross with his lack of manners, more so because he considers them important.

Wouldn’t cross my mind to give them anything

I would make sure I was giving a very genuine thank you though

I would expect immense gratitude from him. What a lovely person to drive to return it. Would your husband do the same for someone else?

I don’t think it’s totally normal social manners to give him the money. I would be embarrassed and say no if someone tried to give me money for returning a wallet. But I agree your husband was rude not to thank him properly.

YANBU - If someone had taken the time out to come to my address to return something I have lost, they would definitely be getting a big reward from me.

I wouldn't think to offer money in this situation and I am far from rude. I even thank people when they are in the wrong.

This sounds exactly like something my DH would do... I was quite ill recently (though not contageous), and a family member who lives about half an hour away brought some flowers round for me. He didn't even invite them in for a cup of tea. I was mortified! He's always doing things like that... And yes he too says that he just "didn't think". I do think that I can be quite the other extreme though, I often get told that I'm overly polite. I suppose everyone has different standards don't they

Yanbu I'd be mortified at that.

YANBU, I would have been mortified if DP didn't say a proper thank you. I'm with you on the tenner thing too, although some people may find that too much.

Someone ran after us once when I was a kid on a family holiday as my dad had dropped his wallet. He was so grateful and gave them 20 euros, so I learned to always do the same if that happened to me. But then I once went out with someone who was stunned when I said thank you to the bus driver when getting off. He said bus drivers get paid to do that job so why am I saying thank you? Wasn't a particularly arsey guy but I was horrified at his lack of manners.

He said thank you
Yabu

I think it is quite rude. Especially because the person travelled all that way and they really didn’t have to. Yes he should’ve given him a reward in my opinion. I’m surprised people are saying they wouldn’t think to give him the tenner. How mean spirited!

I would have given him the tenner, definitely, as I would have been very grateful. I get that may not be everyone's first thought though.

YANBU i would have been embarrassed too. Even if he didn't give him the tenner (i would) you would show your gratitude, not just "Thanks"

YANBU

Someone brought my purse home to me this morning- I didn't even know I'd lost it. I thanked them profusely but it didn't cross my mind to give them money.

That was really rude behaviour from your husband. It costs nothing to say thank you and mean it. I also would have offered a few bob reward.

I think he should have offered the tenner as it was in the wallet the bloke had driven at least 12 odd miles to return. We have no idea how out of the way our town is from wherever he was going on to.. I would hate to think someone was out of pocket for doing a nice thing.

It has also saved DH the cost of a new drivers license as well as phone calls/time to all the other cards A.A. membership, gym, etc.
I feel less bad if most of you wouldn’t have given him the tenner ( although the guy must have known it was in there so I hope he feels the same).

YANBU I agree it’s nice to offer. Fair enough most people will say no but say it’s a teenager or someone unemployed who went well out of their way (using petrol or perhaps travelling by public transport) its good to make sure they’re compensated.

That aside I think saying thanks and just shutting the door is rude too and I think I’d try to convey something a bit more heartfelt!

I would be ashamed of my husband if he did that. I think it just seems even worse as the guy who returned the wallet went out of his way to do something kind and you wish your husband had shown himself to be as decent a person. It's also sad to think the guy might think twice about doing it again after your husbands ingratitude and I'm not talking about the fact he didn't given him a reward.

I hope your husband was really nice when he said, "Thank you", if he was, no problem. The chances are the man wouldn't have taken £10 anyway. It all happened so quickly I imagine your husband was taken completely by surprise and not thinking straight (as he always says :-). However, no harm done.

If you're on Social Media put a nice shout out on the local sales pages or community pages to the fantastic stranger who found your husband's wallet today on XXX street.
If the stranger gets to know about it you can always properly thank him and apologise for your husband's rudeness.

Ouch.

I can only imagine what that kind person is telling people right now. I doubt he wanted a reward, but seriously, some real and heartfelt gratitude would have been nice. Like you, OP, I'd be horrified.

You've all missed the point spectacularly! How much did he win on the ticket?!

DH sounds like a peach. Is he always like this? Could be he was pissed off having cancelled the cards, and then they turned up.

The finder could have used cards to buy lots online or wherever by tap and go.

I think I would be having words with him about his ungracious behaviour TBH. And if he continued I'd be thinking strategies! I could not live with an entitled rude arse like that. Ok to have a bad day, but coninuously?

And I would have offerred the finder the tenner of course. It's the best way to thank someone who is honest. They may decline, but that's not the point.

If I returned a wallet I really wouldn't expect a cash reward, I'd turn it down and I expect so would most people. As long as there was profuse gratitude from your husband, I don't think he did anything wrong.

In his shoes, I'd probably say something like, "thanks so much, I really appreciate you being good enough to return it. It's really kind of you to have driven out of your way".

I'd be mortified too. At least offer to cover the fella's fuel costs!!!!