To be embarrassed by husband’s rudeness

[Justsorude]

My husband likes to think of himself as a person with good character, kind thoughtful etc. However he has demonstrated several times a lack of fairly normal social manners which makes me cringe.

Today we were in a different town 12 or so miles away from where we live. We stopped to buy a drink on the way back to the car a 5-10 mins walk away.. However on getting back to the car he had lost his wallet. He ran back and asked in the shop but no luck and he didn’t see it on the road.

He was gutted all the way home. It had all his cards including debit and credit, his drivers license, winning lottery ticket but luckily only £10 in cash (DH is well off)
The first thing he did was cancel the cards.
I was upstairs when 15 minutes later there was a knock at the door. The chap at the door asked if this was the address. Yes says DH, are you DH name, Yes says DH, have you lost something, Yes says DH. Chap hands over the wallet which DH checks and it has everything in. DH takes the wallet asks where it was found, which the guy gives a fairly detailed explaination of location ( essentially on the pavement) DH says “thanks” and shuts the door.
I yell down “give him the tenner”. DH comes up and says “how annoying I’ve just cancelled the cards” in a slightly entitled way.. I tell him he has to try and give him the money. DH gets out the tenner opens the door and says he’s gone. He didn’t even try to go after him.
I’m really cross as this stranger has driven 20 minutes to return the wallet and DH just gave him a rather cool thank you.
DH says he wasn’t thinking straight whichh is his answer every time. We have no idea who he is. We have no idea how out of the way he had to drive at his own expense. AIBU to think DH had enough time to at least thank the stranger properly or give him the tenner or take a number to buy him a bottle/case of beer. Its just what you do surely?
I’m really cross with his lack of manners, more so because he considers them important.

Yanbu- at least a heartfelt thank you is needed & I'd have offered money & pushed them to give it to a charity if they were reluctant, or given a small token of thanks of some sort-vino etc. Also especially if he's travelled more than a couple of miles & presumably you have a nice house if well off so fairly obvious that you're not struggling for the tenner!

It's true though-often men are just too lazy to think!

Some people are more effusive than others. Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.

@reanimated Attention seeking martyrs. Really - or maybe it was just a good person doing a good thing. Some people on here are so harsh ffs.

I'd be embarrassed too Justsorudei f my dh did that.
The person had driven miles out of his way to return the wallet and your dh was ungrateful.
That's what makes people say "Sod it" next time they find something.
Hopefully you will find out who returned it and give them something.

We usually have wine in the house so if there was only a tenner cash available I would have given that and a bottle of wine. As you say, some one has been very honest which doesn't always happen and has gone out of their way to return his property. A bit of courtesy and a small gift is hardly excessive.

I agree he was rude. I don't think I'd have thought to offer the tenner unless it was a much younger person, but I would definitely have run in the house for a bottle of wine or something to give as a thank you. And I would have given profuse thanks for his honesty and effort.

Also DH would have been required to cancel his cards anyway, as the wallet had been out of his possession and someone could have taken the card details to use later.

He sounds incredibly rude and self-absorbed. Polite only on his terms, when it suits him. And, as if this man was delivering a paid-for service but inconveniently late.

The money is neither here nor there. Many people would offer, others not. But real gratitude and humility was required.

Well he might have been an attention seeking martyr but he did DH a massive favour regardless!

It was the lack of appreciation for the effort the man had made to return it or of trouble it saved by having it back . It was literally a thank you. Polite eough if you had dropped something in a queue and the person behind you picked it up.

I'd be embarrassed too, not specifically about the money but lack of genuine thanks. A few months ago a couple knocked on my door with my mobile phone having noticed it in the gutter alongside my car (it must have dropped out of my pocket). I thanked them profusely and gave them £10 to buy a bottle of wine and they seemed surprised but pleased and I was a bit embarrassed afterwards in case a tenner seemed a bit stingy but it was all I had in my purse at the time.

Experience from the other side, last year I found a stolen laptop and tablet hid in my front garden. Long story short, the police were able to reunite with the owner (and link to the thief!) and I got a phone call from the police as the people were very happy and grateful to get them back and asked the police to pass on their thanks. I was just so pleased to know they had been reunited and didn't expect anything else.

Is he ungrateful in general? Does he think life owes him? Does he really appreciate you? Does he expect you to facilitate his life without thanks?

Yes def put it out on social media......I would be ashamed of my hubby also.....I would at least reimburse the petrol cost....a tenner at least

Your DH was bloody rude. He should've been kissing his feet.

I left my handbag hooked onto a supermarket trolley after paying and returning trolley. Someone took it into the supermarket. I drove back very fast when I realised and Customer Services had it and told me the woman was still in the shop.

I paid for her shopping. I was so grateful.

Glad your DH has got the wallet back, but please note it is Driving Licence in this country, not Drivers License.

I'd be embarrassed too about him not saying a proper thank you. I recently dropped my purse with £50 in it (this was all I had) and the woman who found it tracked me down on Facebook to say she'd found it and would drop it off at my house for me. I was so grateful I thanked her multiple times and bought her a box of chocolates. That was all I could afford as I'm poor and that money was all I had but I had to do something to show how thankful I was.

I found a purse in a toilet cubicle in Asda that had at least £200 in it. I gave it to customers services and they called out the woman’s name.

Turns out she was a pensioner and she couldn’t have been more grateful. She insisted on giving me a tenner because I was heavily pregnant and I could use them for nappies

Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.

Reanimated. What a mean attitude you have. I can only assume you’re speaking about yourself here.

My DH is exactly like this and it drives me crazy. He thinks I am over the top for doing things like buying a few beers for the volunteers who run the kids football teams and cubs groups. I think he is just rude and unthinking and it embarrasses me

attention-seeking martyrs oh Lordy is that going down in my Little book as one of the best Mumsnet quotes ever.
Jeeesuuus. No police stations anymore, bloke picks up wallet, being honest thinks “oh I’ll just nip over there with it, it’s not that far.
Gets a cursory ‘thanks’ and the door shut in his face. Next time chances are he will leave the wallet on the pavement for the next chancer who picks it up, flogs the driving licence and anything in it of any value and uses the cc for contactless as many times they dare.
The attention-seeking martyr.
You really can’t win.
You’re right OP. Your husband is cringing my rude.

I have handed 4 mobiles in at police stations theyve asked if my contact details could be passed on to the owners if found and I agreed all times, police informed me on all 4 phones that they were returned, I never once have received a thank you text even for it. One of them was posted all over social media when missing as it had precious photos of a loved one on it, still no thanks passed my way. Some people, it seems, are just completely thoughtless!
I wouldve been embaressed too tbh if my dh had done that, he sounds a bit of an entitled arse

Cringingly rude

YANBU

A bit of cash would've been nice and/or a big thank you or a cup of tea

It would have been nice to offer to cover the bloke’s petrol money. Otherwise, if someone just offered me a tenner for returning a wallet, I’d be a bit bloody insulted.

However he has demonstrated several times a lack of fairly normal social manners which makes me cringe.

Don’t we all at some time or another? 🤷‍♀️

I think more effusive thanks were in order, but I’m sure the bloke wouldn’t have accepted the tenner anyway so that part doesn’t seem a big deal to me.

Agree with pps that offering him a tenner would have been a bit crass. However, a heartfelt thank you and an offer to cover his petrol wouldn't have been a little more appropriate.

A casual 'thank you' and then just shutting the door is a bit off.