To be embarrassed by husband’s rudeness

[Justsorude]

My husband likes to think of himself as a person with good character, kind thoughtful etc. However he has demonstrated several times a lack of fairly normal social manners which makes me cringe.

Today we were in a different town 12 or so miles away from where we live. We stopped to buy a drink on the way back to the car a 5-10 mins walk away.. However on getting back to the car he had lost his wallet. He ran back and asked in the shop but no luck and he didn’t see it on the road.

He was gutted all the way home. It had all his cards including debit and credit, his drivers license, winning lottery ticket but luckily only £10 in cash (DH is well off)
The first thing he did was cancel the cards.
I was upstairs when 15 minutes later there was a knock at the door. The chap at the door asked if this was the address. Yes says DH, are you DH name, Yes says DH, have you lost something, Yes says DH. Chap hands over the wallet which DH checks and it has everything in. DH takes the wallet asks where it was found, which the guy gives a fairly detailed explaination of location ( essentially on the pavement) DH says “thanks” and shuts the door.
I yell down “give him the tenner”. DH comes up and says “how annoying I’ve just cancelled the cards” in a slightly entitled way.. I tell him he has to try and give him the money. DH gets out the tenner opens the door and says he’s gone. He didn’t even try to go after him.
I’m really cross as this stranger has driven 20 minutes to return the wallet and DH just gave him a rather cool thank you.
DH says he wasn’t thinking straight whichh is his answer every time. We have no idea who he is. We have no idea how out of the way he had to drive at his own expense. AIBU to think DH had enough time to at least thank the stranger properly or give him the tenner or take a number to buy him a bottle/case of beer. Its just what you do surely?
I’m really cross with his lack of manners, more so because he considers them important.

He was incredibly graceless not to have thanked the man properly.

I’m not sure I would have offered money if I’m honest, I might have ran into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine though and would have said a huge thank you.

YANBU I was in the USA once and left my handbag on a bench in a bar. It contained over $300. I went back to the bar, not expecting for a second for it to be there, but yes a group of 5 teenagers had found it and handed it in. I gave them $100 and they were so shocked and grateful. I was still up $200 as I had mentally kissed that money goodbye.

It was worth the $100 to maintain a bit of faith in humanity.

Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.

Reanimated - would you stick this note on all your belongings please, so we all know to ignore if we ever find anything of yours.

@LEELULUMPKIN

That's the spirit!

I don't really understand the reluctance of people to at least OFFER a tenner or whatever in thanks.

But there we are. I would offer it no question, and if person declined that's fine, at least they know you are grateful. Not everyone has bottles of wine indoors every day of the week, but most of us have a fiver or some more in our purse.

Honestly. Why the reluctance?

YANBU. I would certainly have offered the cash, given he drove 20 mins to reunite the wallet with its owner (and 20 mins back, possibly unless you were on his way wherever her was going). He might not have taken it, but I would still have offered, and been very grateful.

I might have had a moan later on about cancelling my cards minutes before they returned too mind.

Just an example, last year we were on a weekend break in France. Had a lovely meal outside as you do.

The couple beside us left a backpack on the floor and left. I handed it in to the owner. Ten minutes later (they were obv regulars there and were contacted), the owner said our meal was paid for and here are two digestifs on the house. The backpack man had lots of important documents in there.

That gesture was very much appreciated. The owner could not believe we handed it in. So there we are.

YANBU.

The person returned it because they they thought it was the right thing to do. Your DH hardly gave them any thanks at all (if he just said “thanks” then closed the door on them)
I’m sure they didn’t expect a reward (my DH found a wallet and went and posted it through the door of the address on the drivers wallet, he just wanted to return it not get anything-virtue has its own reward) but the fact they may have driven miles out of their way and didn’t even get an offer of petrol money is a bit crap.

I would of been mortified, of course he should of given him the £10. This person went out of his way! Poor show.

How do people know that he drove out of his way? He may live round the corner and was going home anyway.

Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.
Wasn't expecting that!

If I saw someone drop a wallet/purse I'd return it to them only expecting a Thank You

If I found a wallet/purse (and I have done in the past) I'd take it to Customer Services or Police Station, if there was one and get them to open, document the contents and contact the owner . ( The owner of one purse phoned me to say Thank You , that was enough )

I saw a man drop a substantial roll of notes in Petrol Station, I gave it back (there was a lot of CCTV around so I couldn't have got away with pocketing it )

I have sine this twice, well nice my Dh went to the door as he dint like the look of the neighbourhood. One was jolly grateful, one was more concerned with berating their child. Didnt really bother me

So, @ReanimatedSGB, would you say the same if you’d lost something precious and somebody bothered to return it to you? What a crass comment.

Yes I think he should of give him the tenner as a good Will gesture and he sounds rude.

Iv lost my purse before and someone took it back to the address on my driving license and my parents give the person £20 from my purse.

RebootYourEngine Quite. The point is that a DH didn’t make any comment on the fact that this guy was dropping it to the door. Most people would have said “ oh so kind of you, hope it didn’t put you out too much” or something. Or at least commented on how helpful he had been.

We didn’t have any wine in as we’d finished the bottle last night. I think offering the money in the wallet ( which he would have seen) seemed appropriate as it wasn’t loads and was to hand.

Ok I’m happy I’m not being overly dramatic. Thanks all. I’ve posted in on both towns Facebook community pages.

Yeah sorry - your dh was rude.

YANBU. My dh (and me) would definitely have offered to cover at least fuel but more I would have offered the tenner and said 'Get yourself a drink or whatever'. God some people on here are mean-spirited,

Wow! He was rude!

I don't necessarily think it's expected to be rewarded but at the very least should have been profuse thanks and invited in for a cuppa.

Dd lost her phone (I know! Don't get me started) on the bus a couple years back and a lovely local lady found it, used Facebook local pages (they're very well used here) to find the owner and even arranged to meet dd in town for dd to get it off her. She refused to accept the £20 I gave dd to give her, so we had flowers delivered to her instead and also thanked her publicly on Facebook.

Do you have good local Facebook pages where you are op? Dh could use them to track down the Good Samaritan to thank them properly. - glad to see you've done this BUT dh should have! It was his wallet!

I had a thread running recently on the lack of manners now, seems to be getting worse.

Does he do other rude stuff? I'd be embarrassed by this. However if my otherwise polite partner did it I'd let it go. This sounds like other things are annoying you about his manners though.

Yep he was rude. And only bothered that he had to cancel his cards or whatever.

Definitely rude. Just a 'thanks'???

But not really a thing to dwell on, your DH probably just did not think. He was being selfish but not in a major way, just a rude way.

"If I returned a wallet I really wouldn't expect a cash reward"

You'd spend your own petrol money though? I wouldn't. In the old days, I would have gone to my local police stations. Now, local police stations are closed down and they don't deal with lost property so I'm not sure what I'd do. I don't think I should be expected to spend my own money on it though.

Your husband doesn't sound like a very nice person. He was incredibly rude and mean-spirited. And he definitely should have offered a monetary reward. The person who found the wallet must have gone away wondering why he'd bothered returning it.

You are definitely NBU, I would have been mortified if my husband had not given him the tenner and thanked him profusely (but think it is highly unlikely that he wouldn't have tbh). Actually, it's less the tenner, more the lack of acknowledgement of what a kind thing it was for him to go out of his way to return it that would bother me.