To be embarrassed by husband’s rudeness

[Justsorude]

My husband likes to think of himself as a person with good character, kind thoughtful etc. However he has demonstrated several times a lack of fairly normal social manners which makes me cringe.

Today we were in a different town 12 or so miles away from where we live. We stopped to buy a drink on the way back to the car a 5-10 mins walk away.. However on getting back to the car he had lost his wallet. He ran back and asked in the shop but no luck and he didn’t see it on the road.

He was gutted all the way home. It had all his cards including debit and credit, his drivers license, winning lottery ticket but luckily only £10 in cash (DH is well off)
The first thing he did was cancel the cards.
I was upstairs when 15 minutes later there was a knock at the door. The chap at the door asked if this was the address. Yes says DH, are you DH name, Yes says DH, have you lost something, Yes says DH. Chap hands over the wallet which DH checks and it has everything in. DH takes the wallet asks where it was found, which the guy gives a fairly detailed explaination of location ( essentially on the pavement) DH says “thanks” and shuts the door.
I yell down “give him the tenner”. DH comes up and says “how annoying I’ve just cancelled the cards” in a slightly entitled way.. I tell him he has to try and give him the money. DH gets out the tenner opens the door and says he’s gone. He didn’t even try to go after him.
I’m really cross as this stranger has driven 20 minutes to return the wallet and DH just gave him a rather cool thank you.
DH says he wasn’t thinking straight whichh is his answer every time. We have no idea who he is. We have no idea how out of the way he had to drive at his own expense. AIBU to think DH had enough time to at least thank the stranger properly or give him the tenner or take a number to buy him a bottle/case of beer. Its just what you do surely?
I’m really cross with his lack of manners, more so because he considers them important.

Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs

This says it all about the person who posted this.

I've returned things before now. I do it because I would like someone to have their stuff back and also hope the same would be done for me if I was in the same position.

Luckily there are some very kind caring people out there and not everyone has this horrible view.

Exactly what rousette said.

tolerable I love a 2am drunk post!
I don’t expect him to be me - 99% of people on MN also seem to think thanking someone profusely is the correct action. Hopefully you are right though and he will “evolve”.
He’s working today with some of his friends and I just know he’s going to tell the story of how lucky he was to get his wallet back. Like he lives a charmed life.Just a shame he didn’t mention how lucky he had been to the kind soul who returned it.

@Justsorude

How do you tweet it- well you need to sign up to Twitter in the first place. if you aren't already and have no followers, it's waste of time. if you have any friends who use twitter and have loads of followers. they could tweet for you.

On the personal security side, your DH is an idiot for keeping his driving licence in his wallet along with his credit cards. This gives someone access to his address, name and - if you know how to read driving licences- his date of birth which is there (but the numbers are reversed and inverted.)

I have never ever carried my licence with me as it's a vital piece of ID which if lost, gives away too much information to anyone with criminal intent.

If anyone needs to show a DL they have 24 hours after being asked to provide it by police.

My husband is rude. Thinks he's really funny and everyone loves being around him. In fact I cringe during every social situation and when I confront him he says I'm attacking his personality!! But to be fair, my husband probably would have given the tenner without me needing to tell him.

YABU

I wouldn't expect a reward for doing a good deed

Some people are more effusive than others. Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.

Fuckng hell are you OPs DH?

YANBU OP

Not everyone has bottles of wine indoors every day of the week, but most of us have a fiver or some more in our purse.
Nope. Always have wine, never cash!

I wouldn't have accepted the tenner but I would have appreciated the gesture. I might have accepted wine or beer or something.

Yabu.

Your husband thanked him.

I would not expect a reward. However, I would expect to be thanked fairly profusely. Especially if I drove across town and took the trouble to find someone to return a wallet.

My DD lost her mobile on a train. Long story short... someone found it and rang her. This person went out their way to package it up and posted it recorded delivery to my DD's work and she (DD) not only paid the postage (obviously) but added a thank you reward. Lovely person to go to this trouble to return a phone.

Being kind to your fellow man is what makes the world go round. As opposed to I'm alright Jack, cynical nasty attitudes.

All those saying they would not accept a reward, I found an iPhone one day, it displayed the emergency number so I called it to say I had it. The number was the fathers and it was his DS phone, he came round offered £20 which I refused saying "I've got DC know w these things happen" he would not accept no, I said donate it to a charity, he said no you can do that if you wish but I am insistent as you've saved me a fortune, he would not accept my refusal. I ended up taking the money.

Glad your DH has got the wallet back, but please note it is Driving Licence in this country, not Drivers License. @MilkTrayLimeBarrel I think @ReanimatedSGB* put the most outrageous comment, yours is the most inane, go get a life and stop trawling Internet forums for grammatical errors.*

@justsorude You really need to educate your DH about carrying driving licence ID with his personal details (incl date of birth) and credit cards in the same wallet. he was so lucky and honest person found the wallet. Not so much for his credit cards, but identity left in the longer term.

@plasterboots- it's spelling error [license] not a grammatical one. I found it rather irritating to read it, as I often proof read writing, but kept my gob shut.

JinglinghellsBells Valid point but he wouldn’t have got his wallet back without his address bring in there.
It would be very unlucky to have someone commit a major fraud from a lost wallet I think. Surely fraudsters do research online for DOB ‘s and addresses now. Money taken or cards used (as you can get away without a pin) would be more likely as little risk.

Thanks for the Twitter tutorial. I don’t use it so it’s a non starter. A day later life moves on I guess.

candlefloozy"My husband is rude........I cringe during every social occasion ......"

That's hard. Why are you still with him ?

Candlefloozy my DP is like that . He thinks he is funny but comes across as arrogant and quite rude sometimes. His sister, who I really like generally, prides herself on being very direct but I cringe sometimes at the way she speaks to waiters and shop assistants.

Surely fraudsters do research online for DOB ‘s and addresses now. Money taken or cards used (as you can get away without a pin) would be more likely as little risk.

Yes and no- you;re talking about mass hacking online, this is about taking care of your ID in a different way.

it's not just about CC fraud, it's about stealing someone's ID. (That's also why we should all shred any paperwork showing names and addresses rather than throwing in the recycling box.)

Internet hackers steal zillions of data online and can use it for fraud BUT he's also laying himself right open to a casual criminal. Losing your DV is almost but not as bad as losing a passport in terms of ID, if it gets into the wrong hands. (You have to report the loss to the police for obvious reasons.)

No one should give out - either accidentally or purposely- their name, address and ID unless legally required. You should never add your date of birth to any online transactions, mailing lists, loyalty cards/ offers for the same reason ( the data can be hacked.) It's government advice that you should not give your DOB online unless it's a legal requirement of something.

@JinglinghellsBells whatever it was a bore off inane comment to read. I couldn't keep my gob shut.

@plasterboots- it's spelling error [license] not a grammatical one.  I found it rather irritating to read it, as I often proof read writing, but kept my gob shut.

@JinglinghellsBells she also corrected drivers to driving, what does that count as? Grammar or spelling?

@JinglinghellsBells

You really need to educate your DH about carrying driving licence ID with his personal details (incl date of birth) and credit cards in the same wallet. he was so lucky and honest person found the wallet. Not so much for his credit cards, but identity left in the longer term.

Whilst I do see your point, most people do actually carry a credit card (or 2 or more) in the purse that they have their driving licence in.

@abitfedup

Whilst I do see your point, most people do actually carry a credit card (or 2 or more) in the purse that they have their driving licence in
.
How do you know? Done a national survey?

I don't and never have for reasons explained.
If you need to show a DL to the police for a reason you have 24 hrs to appear with it in person at the nearest police station.

I don't see why anyone has a need to carry it all the time. Would you carry a passport with you the same?

BTW my DL is a paper one, which I got over 40 years ago, so it's never used as ID as it's not got a photograph.

Yanbu op.

Some people are rude. I see the people on this thread saying "Yanbu, he said thanks". Well there's a "cool" thanks as you described it and a genuine, appreciative kind of thanks that you would expect.
Some people are really selfish and entitled.

Go onto Twitter and Facebook, put something like, "To the kind chap who found my husband's wallet in [insert name of town] and returned it to our home, thank you so much. My husband was so shocked he failed to thank you properly, I have donated £X to our local hospice as a token of our thanks."

That should make everyone feel better.

That's lovely OldBean2

Even one of my kids (aged about 11 at the the time) gave another child some euros when they found his wallet when we were on holiday. It is honestly the first thing that would occur to me to do in this situation.