To be embarrassed by husband’s rudeness

[Justsorude]

My husband likes to think of himself as a person with good character, kind thoughtful etc. However he has demonstrated several times a lack of fairly normal social manners which makes me cringe.

Today we were in a different town 12 or so miles away from where we live. We stopped to buy a drink on the way back to the car a 5-10 mins walk away.. However on getting back to the car he had lost his wallet. He ran back and asked in the shop but no luck and he didn’t see it on the road.

He was gutted all the way home. It had all his cards including debit and credit, his drivers license, winning lottery ticket but luckily only £10 in cash (DH is well off)
The first thing he did was cancel the cards.
I was upstairs when 15 minutes later there was a knock at the door. The chap at the door asked if this was the address. Yes says DH, are you DH name, Yes says DH, have you lost something, Yes says DH. Chap hands over the wallet which DH checks and it has everything in. DH takes the wallet asks where it was found, which the guy gives a fairly detailed explaination of location ( essentially on the pavement) DH says “thanks” and shuts the door.
I yell down “give him the tenner”. DH comes up and says “how annoying I’ve just cancelled the cards” in a slightly entitled way.. I tell him he has to try and give him the money. DH gets out the tenner opens the door and says he’s gone. He didn’t even try to go after him.
I’m really cross as this stranger has driven 20 minutes to return the wallet and DH just gave him a rather cool thank you.
DH says he wasn’t thinking straight whichh is his answer every time. We have no idea who he is. We have no idea how out of the way he had to drive at his own expense. AIBU to think DH had enough time to at least thank the stranger properly or give him the tenner or take a number to buy him a bottle/case of beer. Its just what you do surely?
I’m really cross with his lack of manners, more so because he considers them important.

@Justsorude

I think it's very rude. Your DH should have been MUCH more courteous. I would have offered the guy a tenner. I am surprised so many posters are saying they would not have offered anything at ALL.

If I took something back to someone (that I found) then I wouldn't expect anything (and wouldn't accept anything.) However, if someone came to MY house with a lost item of mine, I would absolutely offer a reward.

I have lost my purse THREE times in the past 2 years (dopey cow!) I took it into a shop without my handbag, as I only wanted 2 or 3 items and didn't need my handbag. I left it one time on the till, one time in the loo, and another time, I dropped it on the floor on the way out of the store...!!! All three times it was returned. (To customer services!)

Each time it happened, I had not much money in the purse, but I had my house key in it one time, and 2 credit cards, and also my drivers licence, debit card, and about £15 of stamps, and maybe £10 to £35.

Also membership cards for the sports centre, gym, and some other things that would be a ballache to replace. I was so grateful and happy that someone had handed it in it each time, but disappointed that I couldn't thank them, as they'd gone by the time I got to customer services.

@ReanimatedSGB

Some people are more effusive than others. Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.

Are you OK today? I mean that genuinely. This is not the first thread tonight where you have posted something like this. How in the name of holy hell can you call someone an ATTENTION SEEKING MARTYR for being kind enough to return someone's lost property?

You HAVE to be posting these posts for 'shock value' because no way in hell can any rational person seriously think this.

I found someone’s purse in a phone box. I traced her by a business card, and left a msg saying which police station I left it at. The police acted like i was a mug.
She sent me £50 and a lovely card.

Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.

@ReanimatedSGB
No money was due but most people would have been OTT with their thanks and maybe offered him a cuppa or fuel money.

More to the point @Justsorude Does your DH keep his address in his wallet? That means someone finding it has his name address and cards nos. Really silly to keep all of those in one place as possible credit card fraud.

@Justsorude

Try Twitter, Facebook , local newspapers and local radio stations to get your thanks out.

I think a big thanks is enough. I would return a wallet and wouldn't expect anything but thanks, in fact I'd feel cheap and embarrassed if someone offered me money. Not the worst crime OP yabu!

I wouldn’t expect any money but a genuinely meant nice thank you. My friends and I were on a girls weekend recently and found a phone. We rang it the owner answered and ordered us rather rudely to bring the phone to her on the other side of town . We said we would have it into the tourist information centre and she was pretty sniffy! We were all abit outraged tbh and wished we had just left her phone on the bench to be nicked

I assume he got the address from his drivers licence. I think it’s dead easy to use credit cards without it. You could have spent £30 a pop contactless without any effort.

How do I Twitter it?

I don't think he has to offer money, but a very genuine thank you is appreciated.

I found a phone once, answered it when the owner rung...met him at the place close to where he lived (id imagine) and offered me a mouthful of his beer....I declined...it was mid day! x

I once drunkenly left my purse in a taxi, and the driver phoned me the next day - he got my work number from my business card. He said he’d drop it in, so I left a big box of chocolates and a Christmas card with reception for him. (I had already cancelled the cards, and the money that had been in the purse was gone, but it was still so lovely to get it back.)

On the flip-side, I worked in a library as a student and found ten £50 notes tucked inside a book someone returned. This was the late 90s, so a huge amount of money. We were able to track the person via the checked book’s barcode, and tannoy them. I genuinely couldn’t believe they didn’t drop in a box of cakes or something later.

Some people would do things like drive out of their way to return lost property because they are attention-seeking martyrs.

I think this appears in the dictionary under the word "jaundiced view of life" and also under "miserable"

I dropped my phone in the road once whilst cycling (which was bloody stupid admittedly). And when a man went out of his way to give it back to me, I offered him £10 or £20 (can’t remember) and he accepted. It honestly saved me a fortune it was an iPhone.
Anyway, YANBU - sounds like your H is not the most charming.

I don’t understand the ‘wasn’t thinking straight’ excuse. He had literally just lost the wallet, had just been cancelling his cards, and was clearly thinking about the loss — someone arrives at the door, fifteen minutes after the DH got home from losing the wallet, and hands it back. It’s not as if it was days or even hours later, or he was in the middle of doing something else entirely, got flustered and didn’t thank the returner properly...?

On the theme of thanking, I took two big bags of my DS’ baby and toddler toys to our local Barnardo’s shop this afternoon. I explained to the lady at the counter that I had checked with another volunteer earlier in the week what sort of stuff they wanted, I had bagged up all the ones with multiple pieces separately and that I had checked to make sure all the electronic ones had working batteries. She just pointed at a door at the back of the shop and said “can you put them over there please?, didn’t even crack a smile or say thank you. The shop was empty at the time. I know it’s all about the giving and knowing that they will raise money for charity, but I felt that a simple thank you would have been in order, left me feeling quite deflated.

I definitely understand your annoyance OP.

Someone did your, I suspect boorish, husband a very kind favour.

It required and deserved a heartfelt thank you.

You're mortified for him, and yourself, because you're married to him.

Nothing less attractive in a man than having to point out the bloody obvious.

When I dropped my phone the lady took it to her house so I drove to collect it with a box of chocolates

If someone offered me a tenner for returning a lost item, I'd be mortified and refuse it.

However, there is no excuse for genuine gratitude not being verbally expressed.

Wrt 'not thinking straight'...
It should be second nature to effusively thank a person who returns your lost wallet, and it should also require no thinking whatsoever to offer them money for their trouble and as an expression of your gratitude. The fact that a more heartfelt thank you didn't roll off his lips suggests he was either very badly brought up or has a problematic sense of entitlement.

@ReanimatedSGB Attention seeking martyr? Are you serious?

Wow. We really have reached the lowest lows of humanity....

I expect if said person had chosen not to return it, you'd be calling him a thief/lazy sod etc so there's no winning is there? No doing right in your eyes

@RumpoleoftheBaileys yeah I'm surprised about how many people would offer a tenner. If I returned a wallet and someone offered me a note from it I would probably look down at what I was wearing that day and worry that they thought I looked like I needed the money!

But if it was accompanied by a profuse thank you and a 'please let me at least reimburse your petrol' or something I guess that would be nice.

OP, don't stress too much. It was his behaviour, not yours. If he's not generally a rude bastard then I'd put it down to the stress of the day.

It’s also really odd that his gut reaction wasn’t “oh my goodness I thought that was fine for good, I’d just cancelled my cards, how amazing that you’ve found it and brought it back!”

Sounds to me like he was really beating himself up over losing it (hence the questioning about the exact location) and lost the plot somewhat.

“Gone for good”, not fine.

Rude ignorant people always say they didn't mean it

I lost my wallet on the train once (about 20 years ago). Got home & before I had time to start cancelling any cards someone had found it, looked up my name in the telephone book & rang me. I drove over there & gave him a 4 pack of beer for doing the decent thing.

Your husband is a twat.

wow!! so..you expect him to be you! wow!! aye.you are being unreasonable.id go as far as being impossible really. Im really not being a cnut- ideally perfect,nice,pleasant words could be comorbid of impeccable manners. maybe your dh is still evolving