You don't just chill with a young baby ?

[dontfollowmeimlosttoo]

Was asked by a relative
Person : what you up to tonight ? Just chilling?

Seriously do people think babies are easy . What am I gonna be doing other than feeding changing bathing , keeping baby alive and to bed. Baby is 3 months old.

Got me thinking are other people out there with young babies still having evenings and doing stuff , maybe Iv got it wrong 🤷‍♀️

I have a 3 week old and every evening is spent chilling - in between the feeds of course. He has his bath in the morning and I get bottles sterilised as early as possible so that I can just sit down in the evenings and do as little as possible

My dd was at her easiest at 4 months.
The newborn unsettled evenings had calmed down but she wasn’t on the move (obviously) and resisting bedtime.
I miss those times.

I personally don't like to only ever ask new parents or engaged people or pregnant women the same boring questions that I assume EVERYONE is asking them.

So I ask questions about what they're up to, when we might see each other next, the news, whatever.

I don't think "right, they have a baby, they only stay in now and think/talk/worry about the baby".

Whilst I agree there is no chilling with having a baby!

I would assume you're friend meant are you just staying at home. Rather than "relaxing"

I spend a considerable amount of time chilling with my young baby, even more with my first.

Though I don't chill out every evening as sometimes I go out for dinner (with baby in a sling), or have friends round for dinner etc. Fitdt child (so no toddler with bedtime), we went out to loads of parties, bbq's on the beach etc, and we had quite a good social life. Baby just slept in a sling just as well (or badly) as they would at home.

All mine slept through from before 4 months so I did use to chill on a night.

I think a lot of people just use "chilling at home" to mean not going out, no matter how stressful your life at home may be. I think you're going to find parenting unnecessarily tough if you're this sensitive about totally innocuous remarks.

I think it would be also pretty rude to just assume that a new mother is totally housebound and has no life other than caring for the baby...

When I think of chilling, I think staying home vs going out. It doesn't imply having a baby is easy, it just means you're not doing anything particular. Just staying at home, doing the things you do when you're at home.

DS -I would be on the constant routine of change, feed, sleep (possibly in crib, possibly on me) repeat. He slept through by the age of 2 or so (I've blanked it from memory).
DD -by that age she was begining to sleep through fairly unaided so my evenings were freer.

I'm glad I had them that way round -the opposite is harder.

Agog at all the PPs who managed “chilling” with their 3/4 month old babies who “slept through” or “went down at 7pm”.....!?????

Seriously - OP - you are not alone.
My DC1 didn’t sleep reliably until 21 months and at 4 months spent most evenings screaming with colic and cluster feeding. I was hugely sleep deprived and constantly (stressed) feeding / trying to get a Velcro baby to sleep without being attached to me. So, no, I never “chilled” with my small baby.

At that time I would have punched anyone who’d suggested I was just having chill time whilst looking after my baby.

Now DC are 8 and 5 I get a lot more “chilling” time

Ha, I've a 7 & 5 year old and I feel far less chilled these days than I ever was when they were babies! 😁

Endless cycle of homework, school uniform, reading, food prep and on and on and on and on...

And now schools out and they're at summer camp its an endless round of packed lunches and making sure they've got suncream, or their hats, or their swim stuff, and that they're safe and not being bullied, or being a bully and then they come home and I have to try and feed them food they will more than likely reject even though they loved it 3 days ago, then they'll bicker over whether they watch Wild Kratts or Power Rangers in Netflix, and this will continue until they get into bed (moaning all the way), and then I'll sit down and wait for one of them to inevitably get out of bed and interrupt Stranger Things 3 that DH and I are trying to binge watch this weekend.

So yes, for me, life has become far less chilled as they get older! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Dear god no. Wait til they start crawling and climbing - 'just chilling' really doesn't exist then!

OMG!! I never chilled with mine it was horrendous- I longed for my old life - I felt anxious & miserable & knackered & everything seemed impossible. And mine were good kids really. It got better but I certainly don’t think I ever chilled. When they slept I ran round like a lunatic trying to do all the jobs that needed doing. It was far, far easier to bugger off back to work. At least some kind soul would make me a cup of tea & I could eat a sandwich in peace!

Some babies are easy though. My cousin didn't get the fuss and stress and sleep deprivation that everyone was talking about. She thought people were exaggerating. Then she had her second, which was a completely different baby....

I think having my first newborn was the most chilled part of my parenting life he slept 7-7 so my evenings were heavenly. I realise I was very lucky. Baby no2 was NOT heavenly.

As the mother of what was a very refluxy/colicky baby, I would not use the word "chilling" to describe anything I was up to in the first few months of her life. But then some people are lucky and have more settled babies... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm with you on this. My experience was nothing like 'chilling' 😁 I remember the early days - first few months when it just felt pretty constant and unpredictable. Even if they fell asleep in the evening, you'd never know if it would be for 3 hours or 10 mins.

I remember vividly when my first began finding a regular bedtime (7 ish) and suddenly we had our evenings back! Hang in there and I bet you'll find the same.

YABU. I think you're taking it a bit personally DS was sleeping through at 4 months. When DS was up to about eight weeks he'd sleep anywhere at long as he was on a person, I took him to the cinema (baby friendly screening) , to a friend's house and spent a lot of time chilling (I can't get away with actually saying that, it sounds like I'm taking the piss). We had a few weeks of witching hours and he's now a very very active seven month old, crawling and not far off walking, so less chilling now until he's in bed. We certainly stay home in the evenings a lot more than we go out!

Sorry but I definitely chill with my baby!

I haven’t read the entire thread but I would be ok with someone saying this. I have a 9 month old who’s almost waking so I’m constantly busy but I’d still likely say I was chilling if staying in because we do manage to have a glass of wine and watch some tv/listen to music/podcast most nights.

I’ve also been very fortunate with childcare (nanny) which has enabled me to go out once a week.

We definitely chilled tonight! DD (almost 5 months) was asleep by 6:45, we made nachos and then watched a film, and now I'm about to listen to a podcast before going to sleep. It's pretty much what what we would have done pre-baby, although I might have gone to bed a tad later then!

Fully aware that one day this will almost certainly change and we will no longer have our evenings! But for now we chill in the evenings whenever possible and take advantage of this time!

For the first few months, there was lots of time to chill when she was feeding. I read whole books while on sofa while she fed - I hadn't read so many books in months! Now there's less time to do that as she feeds in 10 mins and is done, alas!

I was quite relaxed on mat leave. There was the initial learning to bf, 2 hospital stays and illness but aside from those it was feed and sleep lots and binge watch TV. You could also bring baby everywhere. I also had some date nights and evenings out then and my only worry then was pumping milk..
It was so chilled i was pregnant again when he was 5 months...
I think your relatives question is innocent so don't take offence

Now i dont have any evening nor weekend with dh ever. Nobody wants to babysit our kids and we are too tired anyway

For the love of god OP DO NOT TAKE YOUR BABY TO RESTAURANTS IN THE EVENING

Baby’s are small people. Would you ban any other groups of the population from going to restaurants in the evening? How about older people - some might be dithery or get confused and repeat things over and over thus ruining your night out.

What about teens - some can be a bit grunty and talk loudly about Billy Eilish, instagram and keep taking selfies and pictures of their friends/meals/drinks - that could get seriously irritating. They shouldn’t ever be in a restaurant after 7.30pm

What about people with disabilities - they should stay clear of restaurants for sure of an evening and not ruin everyone else’s enjoyment with their selfish extra need requirements.

Anyone who goes out to eat in the evening should be made to sign a declaration on reaching their destination that they are very quiet, won’t take up extra space, will leave if their voice rises about 10 decibels.

Anyone who goes out to eat in the evening should be made to sign a declaration on reaching their destination that they are very quiet, won’t take up extra space, will leave if their voice rises about 10 decibels

If I’m in the restaurant, absolutely!