Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

You don't just chill with a young baby ?

170 replies

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 06/07/2019 15:05

Was asked by a relative
Person : what you up to tonight ? Just chilling?

Seriously do people think babies are easy . What am I gonna be doing other than feeding changing bathing , keeping baby alive and to bed. Baby is 3 months old.

Got me thinking are other people out there with young babies still having evenings and doing stuff , maybe Iv got it wrong 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Fatted · 06/07/2019 16:39

I was like you OP with my first. I had no idea how people could carry on as normal with a baby. I was a big anxious mess after having him though. By the time I had my second I did kind of realise life carries on as normal. I would just spend evenings reading or watching telly while he slept on me or after the pair of them went to bed.

stayathomer · 06/07/2019 16:40

You're probably so tired y o u jumped on it but I get what he means, thrre is the odd nice time in the evening when you finally just have the baby in your lap and are chilling!!!

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly · 06/07/2019 16:41

magnificently unsympathetic replies on this thread

Grin
BernardBlacksWineIcelolly · 06/07/2019 16:41

and some very kind and sympathetic replies too tbf

Teateaandmoretea · 06/07/2019 16:44

magnificently unsympathetic replies on this thread

Why? The OP can parent how she likes and I'm sure she's a great mum but it was isn't the case that everyone with a 4mo is doing the same.

SemperIdem · 06/07/2019 16:46

Yanbu because obviously, it isn’t currently your experience that you can chill.

I think it really depends on what temperament the baby has (and that doesn’t mean they will be the same when they’re older either). I was quite lucky with my daughter,once I got into the swing of things as a first timer, she was an “easy” baby. Fully anticipate a no sleep soldier who likes slapping and biting if I ever have a second!

MissB83 · 06/07/2019 16:46

Haha. That bit was super relaxing compared to once he became mobile! Definitely more chilled than when you have a toddler climbing on you.

Glitterfisher · 06/07/2019 16:48

In the first 2 weeks we did very little chilling but within the 1st 3 months we went out the odd time on our own, took the baby in the evenings a couple of times when he was really small then from about 8 weeks he went to bed at 7ish. Definitely didn't sleep through but it did give us a few hours to chill. My mum babysat as did my SIL and MIL.

DS1 was not an easy baby at all but we definitely had chill time so I don't think it's a very unreasonable comment.

mossmurray · 06/07/2019 16:48

Meeting friends/family in the evening isn't that strange if you have a baby, I did it and trust me, it was far easier than when they become toddlers, so I'm unsure why you've taken anything other than this being an genuine question.

stayathomer · 06/07/2019 16:50

Definitely more chilled than when you have a toddler climbing on you.

Shudder ...

Sandybval · 06/07/2019 16:50

I think by chilling a lot of people mean nothing in particular out of the ordinary, I doubt they meant anything more than that. I guess it depends what kind of routine you are in, I tend to do as much as I can during the day so can relax a bit in the evening (hopefully).

Bourbonbiccy · 06/07/2019 16:51

I think as people have said it really does depend on the baby. Our son had colic, so anywhere between 5.30 and 7.30 was not chill, it was anticipating or dealing with a colicky baby.

After the colic, it was a lot more relaxed, but I wouldn't have said chilled.

I think they were just meaning you were not going out.

happybunny007 · 06/07/2019 17:05

‘Keeping them alive’ isn’t an actual activity though is it?

chocpop · 06/07/2019 17:13

Of course this thread is full of humblebrags. Surely if your evenings are so chilled out you could give OP some tips to how you achieved that, rather than coming in to make someone feel more shit than they already do.

OP, it gets easier. My DD is nearly 6 months, but luckily she is a decent enough sleeper so from 7pm, that's when I get my "chill" time. Except, it really isn't chill time. It's usually me being absolutely exhausted from the day and too tired to move but having to tidy, clean, wash bottles and get the dishwasher and washing machine on the go, all of that stuff. Love Island is my treat! My baby only naps for 30mins at a time during the day so getting anything done is nearly impossible- by the time I've made food and ate it, she's awake again! It also doesn't help that she's almost confidently crawling so I can't leave her unsupervised.

OP, give it a few more months and your baby's bedtime will be earlier, they'll start to sleep more consistently and you won't be so anxious about it. I know it's really tough, my DD at that age was still not sleeping earlier than 10pm and we never really got any time to ourselves.

Tonight if I was you, if someone else can take the lead on the baby stuff, run yourself a nice bath and get a good book on the go. It's important to take opportunities for you to look after yourself, too. It'll get easier!

(Also for those whining on about toddlers being worse, OP didn't ask about toddlers. She asked about newborn/young babies. Stop projecting onto the thread).

Rickandportly · 06/07/2019 17:15

One of my babies was so easy that he was asleep by 8pm In a cot from 6 weeks old.

The other was a living nightmare who screamed with colic every evening until 12 weeks and wouldn’t sleep unless one
Of us was practically laying on top of her until she was 3.

butteryellow · 06/07/2019 17:18

First kid, no chilling, once he was a few months old he did come out with us though (he was actually better out, more things for him to look at). In fact we didn't chill till he was 3 and we started being able to get him in bed and staying there from 7:30.. and that's how we got DS2.

Who was night and day. Easiest of easy babies, slept a load, had big feeds that left him full and happy. We once left his brother with MIL and went to the pub when he was only a couple of months old - he just slept next to me on the bench and the waitress nearly jumped out of her skin when towards the end I reached down, and like a magician, pulled a baby seemingly out of my bag (propped up so he couldn't roll off the bench)

HerSymphonyAndSong · 06/07/2019 17:23

“Babies are completely portable, and that's pretty much the only time you can go out fairly easily until they are teenagers. You might prefer to stay home, not everyone does.
No need to try to make them sleep for an hour if they are not ready until 9pm, I don't understand this british obsession to have kids in bed by 6pm.”

So many assumptions... Confused
a friend whose baby had colic screamed from 5pm to 10pm for months on end, whatever they did, they weren’t trying to get him to bed at 6pm . No hanging out in the pub looking like chilled out parents for them.

Celebelly · 06/07/2019 17:31

The problem is, there's not really much in the way of tips because it just depends on your baby's temperament. We haven't done anything special, she's just a placid baby who is happy to sit in her little chair, lie on her mat, etc. She sat through three hours at the cinema for Avengers without a peep, she will sit amusing herself while I do chores. I'd love to take credit for it but it's nothing we've done!

Perhaps one tip is that my DP does the bulk of the housework still so I don't have to do any housework in evenings Grin

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 06/07/2019 17:34

@Zoobluebabypink yes if you call cluster feeding , bathing, trying to calm baby crying etc chilling then yes :) my pre baby self would not think that was chilling

OP posts:
User8888888 · 06/07/2019 17:35

Thing is you can’t have it all. My babies have been great sleepers but very, very routine led which means far less flexibility. I certainly couldn’t have popped out to the pub of an evening as they would have combusted. A lot of it is luck and personality unfortunately. I think you can help things along with good sleep habits but if you have a harder baby there often isn’t a lot you can do.

b0bb1n · 06/07/2019 17:36

I have a 3 month old and I can't remember what it feels like to chill out. Love hearing about everyone I know with a 3 / 4 month old who goes bed at a certain time and sleeps through the night though! Sad

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 06/07/2019 17:37

@rwalker no just being light hearted as in feeding changing looking after baby making sure their needs are met keeping them alive

OP posts:
IntoValhalla · 06/07/2019 17:40

Both of my babies slept with me from the day they were born, so at “bedtime”, (usually around 8:30pm by the time they were 4 months old), I’d take them up to my bed, snuggle up with them, breastfeed whenever they wanted and just watch tv and eat chocolate Blush
I did start to miss having the option of doing something else with my evenings though!!

Sugarplumfairyfartface · 06/07/2019 17:47

What is wrong with asking that? He prob already knew u wouldn't be doing much its a nice way of putting it if you ask me. Also I would argue it is chilling with baby tbh. I uses to love just watching my babies as I fed them and their facial expressions etc and even uses to marvel at their little hands and feet the noises they made when changing nappies u need to take it all in and enjoy what you made they are little miracles after all

Strokethefurrywall · 06/07/2019 17:51

I spent my entire maternity leave "chilling".

What do you expect him to say? If you're home watching TV, on mn, then that's "chilling" no?

Assuming you don't have a high needs baby, once they've been fed and bathed, there's very little else to do except chill.

But why not go out? Early evening dinner at a local family friendly pub, baby in a stroller or sling, couple drinks, walk home.
Dinner at a restaurant, baby settled in car seat.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread