AIBU about positing child's school report on Facebook?

[Glitterlikeawinner]

Just that really! A mum from DS class has posted pictures of the full report on Facebook, bragging about child's amazing abilities and essentially how she is such a good parent to have a child exceeding expectations for her age. I get it, shes proud but not half a kick in the teeth for all the other parents in the class who's children have struggled for one reason or another, but still so proud of their children, rightly so.

My DDs were young pre social media: I used to photocopy their reports to send to grandparents ( one set abroad, one the other end of the country ) which might have been a bit OTT in retrospect but they did seem to appreciate it, along with photos.

I came across a secondary school report for me recently - position in class and a very small comment for each subject. I loved for PE ‘“a useful back” ( I assume they were talking about hockey) and for Geography
“ making satisfactory progress ? “ ( I interpret this as ‘I have utterly no idea who this girl is ‘ )

I have just finished my 30 reports. In English Marhs and Science it is basically a list of what they can now do, what they have achieved so yes some will be similar as they have done the same curriculum.

The teacher's comments section I do behaviour, any talent in any subject, how they work in a group and their friendship situation. I may end with a comment along the lines of how I have enjoyed having them in my class and a wish for the new school year.

That's it!

Of the people I have known for a long time, most of the children who were reputedly really bright at the beginning of school didn’t amount to much in life. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go ott about telling other people how brilliant your children are, i am probably a bit paranoid in thinking it’s bad luck but it certainly doesn’t encourage the kind of growth mentality that people need to be sufessful.

It's awful when parents do that. I do post something about my DCs reports as I will say how proud I am of them but that doesn't give away any information about what their achievements or lack of are.

At 6, its a little cringe worthy. If they're still posting school reports in 10 years time, their child will be mortified.

I’ve posted that this year, along with a note that I know it’s smug, but don’t give a flying fuck. My son has ASD and struggled massively last year with an horrendous, cruel teacher and his report led to a formal complaint. You’re damn right I’m going to shout his success this year from the rooftops!

Absolutely everything ends up on social media these days: pregnancy scan photos, school reports...

Why can't some things be private?

Yanbu.

When you do this sort of thing, I think you’re setting your child up to fail. They’re are many years at school, the ones that do well at the beginning might struggle at secondary school and uni.

@stayingaliveisawayoflife - Do you write the same thing in each child's report regardless of whether it's true or not, so you always say you've enjoyed having them in your class when you actually thought "thank goodness the ordeal of child X every day is over!"

I have thought the same as PP, every primary child's report is generally positive, as far as possible anyway. Aren't they?

When I've had feedback to make me proud of my children, I tell, er, well I tell them... Not the rest of the internet (which they're not on yet)

When I was on FB, you could share set it so only certain people saw certain photos etc so the 'It's for family' things is BS.
Shopfront does not reflect the backroom!

No I don't! I write a variety of things but try to frame them positively if it is the last statement. For example ....,.. has worked hard to improve their behaviour this year and I hope this continues next year. Or maybe ...... has learnt how to address adults and peers more positively and if they continue this will improve further next year.

I want it to be positive but honest which is not always easy.

I think it's odd to post on Facebook, mainly as no one probably is that fussed, but also is nothing sacred? I wouldn't think it wrong just in case it upsets others though, it's okay to be proud of your child without suggesting others aren't as good.

She's obviously so proud and so she should be. Why can't she share it with her friends and family? People post their wedding photos and don't think twice about making their single friends feel bad, post holiday snaps without worrying about their friends can't afford holidays, post pictures of their children without worrying that some of their friends might be unable to have children, etc. If other people see and get jealous then it's not really her fault as anyone can get jealous about anything and social media is basically just people bragging so if people are badly affected by jealousy then it might be best for them to not have it?

It's not something I would choose to post about, but it's not unreasonable to share they're proud of the report.

A photo of the report is a bit smug and unnecessary in my opinion.

There is a line between understandable pride in something and self-absorbed smug boasting. That parent sounds like they were on the wrong side of the line.

It honestly make me think that the parent has achieved very little themselves so need the 'prop' of their child's achievements to feel good. I think that's sad

I agree and the examples I’ve seen in real life reflect this.

I know people like this... Any certificate, letter, report, medal etc...is posted on FB. There is nothing wrong with bring proud but there is a line that is often crossed into boasting

It honestly make me think that the parent has achieved very little themselves so need the 'prop' of their child's achievements to feel good. I think that's sad

^^ This is so true. The person I know who is most guilty of this webt to a very posh private school on a scholarship and had lots of expectations heaped on her. She's ended up with a very low paid job which doesn't require much in the way of qualifications. I suspect this is the reason she keeps boasting about every little thing her child does.

It's a disrespectful and awful thing to do to the teacher, let alone the child. Reports are confidential. I'd be mortified if the reports I wrote were posted publicly online.

Pride comes before a fall.....

I hate these posts. For the first time I did post an extract from one of my DC's reports this year because it was the most wonderful school report euphemism/barbed comment I'd ever seen and it made me howl. Re my son in Reception:

'DS prefers open-ended and non-directed activities and, when engaged in a task of his choosing, has an excellent level of concentration'.

I wouldn’t care. I only have friends on Facebook so I’m either interested and agree with type of thing they post, or if I don’t I like them enough to scroll on by without being snide about them on MN 🤷‍♀️

It's boasting plain and simple. It's not the fact she's proud of her child's achievements that is wrong - it's the fact that she's showing off about it on social media. To feel a sense of pride about it privately within the family is totally fine. It reflects badly on the parent but also unwittingly causes misery to others who read it and worry about their own parenting / child's performance. However I don't agree it's a kick in the teeth for other children - their own progress, however big or small, is just as valuable and worthy of pride. I hope that the post hasn't caused you distress OP - if it has try and see it for what is is - a parent trying to boost / reinforce their own self esteem.

Isn’t this what Facebook is all about? I no longer go on FB as it’s just a tool for smug bragging about everything and anything. Made me feel kind of inadequate sometimes, although I guess that’s my problem, no-one else’s.

I rarely post on FB and only have real friends on there. I really try not to overshare and wouldn't dream of posting photos of reports etc (my DC would disown me!)

However I weakened a few weeks back and posted the news that DD had been offered a place at drama school. Couldn't hold it in, was so pleased and proud as it was the result of a lot of bloody hard work and riding out some pretty heartbreaking setbacks to get there. Wanted to let friends who cared about her know and to thank the leader of her drama group who got her started. I'm so worried that it could have come across as smug though.

At least DD has forgiven me, though - just!