To seriously consider leaving “D”P because his hygiene is atrocious?

[Zeldamarioandkong]

Just that really.
He hasn’t showered for 8 days. 8. No depression, just a lazy shit of a man. Has to be reminded daily to brush his teeth, if I don’t tell him, it doesn’t get done. He works in an office so I highly doubt it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Sick to bloody death of living with a man child. We have 1 DC and have been together 10+ years, luckily we aren’t married. I can’t live the rest of my life with a disgusting hobbit who doesn’t respect me or himself enough to wash daily.
I’m a very clean person, like to keep a tidy home and look/smell nice. This disgusting behaviour really does trigger me and makes me feel physically sick. And no, I’m not having sex with him. Couldn’t think of anything worse at the moment, with this heat I dread to think of the state his ‘area’ is in
Pissed off and fed up. What should I do? Should I try and make it work and hope he changes, or cut my losses and make arrangements to leave him.

It's not 10 times more than another woman would put up with - it's a million times more.

Honestly, he sounds absolutely disgusting.

Go on a serious job search, OP.

Do you have a spare room, my friend a single father rented his small bedroom for free in return for night time childcare he worked nights, his child is now 15 and the lady still lives there rent free, it is a win win situation.

Btw he will not change things, but YOU can. Goodluck

What is good about him, really?

This:

What AnyFucker said. That man has no respect for you. He really doesn't care. So why are you still there? If only because of childcare then that's not fair to either of you.
Instead of spending time worrying about how to solve the showering issue (which is a tip of the iceberg) - think about what you have to do to be able to leave him. You're still so young, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who thinks he needs to give 0 fucks to keep you?

Apathy (related to changes in dopamine it is conjectured) can be a side effect of long term SSRI use, is he on that for his anxiety?. Did he have therapy for his anxiety too or was he just medicated for it? Horrible situation for you. You've been rescuing him for a long time and it's going to destroy you if things don't change it sounds like. He needs to get to the GP and have a medication review though and the prescriber needs to undertand the level of his apathy and what a risk it is to him (as he sounds quite likely to be on the road of losing another job and easily at risk for getting into gambling again).
Meanwhile perhaps read up around codependency for yourself?

Chickenwing if you're not showering daily then you need to wash thoroughly -face, pits and bits daily which is what people did in the 70's ,we didn't just abstain from keeping clean because a Sunday night bath was the norm.

I feel queasy just thinking about having sex with someone with that level of self-care.

Get off MN and get this loser out of your life. PLEASE.

My dhs feet stink but has has a bath every day-i wont touch his socks and have told him so he does his own washing

Its more than the hygiene though isn it op hes generally lazy-did he want children initially

Why on earth would you put up with this for years? Yuck.

I wouldn't tolerate it for a week. Raise your standards and stop enabling him.

He sounds like an absolute loser.

Even if he did change now, the absolute disrespect, the way he speaks - it would be too little too late. I'd find another job ASAP and make him leave. I'd rather change and disruption short term than being tied to a filthy cocklodger forever.

He can still do the childcare even if you don't live together, cant he?

I hope to come back to this thread and read that you've left him. He's absolutely taking you for granted and is being disrespectful to you. You deserve much, much better. You're still young and you don't need to put up with this miserable life.

What kind of example is he setting for your child?

I would be off.

Sounds like he’s trying to get you to leave him as he’s too lazy to do it himself. If you do end it make sure you kick him out.

Weird he showered before AND after the stag night. Why after? I’d be wary of what he got up to.

You've already told him if he doesn't change with regards to his hygiene then you'll leave. You now need to put that into action.
I would be looking for daytime work. Would your childs school have anything, so it can fit in with school hours?
Once you've got that in place, pack his bags and tell him its over. He has shown zero respect for you, both by saying he doesn't have to try anymore as hes got you and by not keeping a basic level of hygiene. Don't stay in a relationship because he is the childcare. Its not fair on you. He can still do childcare when you aren't together.
It also jumped out at me the fact he showered before and after the stag do.

Ooft. Your 12.52 update makes me wonder about passive aggressive stonewalling type behaviour arising from his resentment. There's clearly something going on mentally for him, that he needs to seek help with. Yanbu. I couldn't live or dtd with someone so regularly unclean. I'm no clean freak but it's so disrespectful, even if he doesn't intend that.

If you've had the discussion with him before OP and you told him then that you'd leave him if his hygiene didn't improve, then there's your answer.

Ignore WizardofAus or any other poster who tells you to 'get off MN', OP, you have every right to stay and rant about this man.

Gathering steam is a good idea given that you've struggled to get rid of him so far. Not a single poster thinks you should stay; everybody thinks that you deserve better. These are not good habits for your child to see either... sooner the better, for both you and your child.

Why are you with him OP? Does it feel nice to live with a stinking, unhygienic orc? Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

I wouldn't tolerate this. Keep yourself clean or GTFO.

Even without the hygiene issues, sounds like there are loads more problems and a real lack of respect for you.

There must have been something good there once, but that doesn't seem to be the case now or fit a long while.

Lots of advice has been given to start working on alternatives. There won't ever be a 'good' time to make the break, but I can't see this improving.

OP, I've had one like this. They don't change, only get worse with age. It's basic lazyness with a big pinch of wilful stubbornness. They know, they really do, how offensive they are being, but NO-ONE is going to tell them what to do. He'll have a quick shower if he wants sex? He knows all right, it's become a battle of wills and he's winning. He's spent the last several years becoming the man he was destined to be, and he's been training you to be his rock. I don't care what "issues" he may have had in the past because everyone has problems, but if he wants your support he has to meet you at least halfway.

I share your pain. Though that's just one of tons off issues my husband has. I don't have advice as it's all very well people on hear sayin you leave him. But it's not as easy as that for tons off reasons. My worst fear wouldn't be that I wouldn't trust my husband to look after our kids every other weekend. His mum is amazing and would step in to help except she now has poor health which means she can't leave her bed and is not up to looking after herself let alone 3 kids

In his deluded mind he reckons he would get full custody of them. We are talking about a 34 yr old man who never feeds his kids, hardly washes, has no common sense and more.

@Theworldcouldbemymollusc get clean or get single 🤣🤣🤣

Apologies OP, I'm not laughing at your tough situation, PP's wording just made me laugh