Have you ever ghosted a friend?

[Nessathewelsh]

So cut them off, stopped contacting them or replying to them.

Why did you do it? What was going through your head? Do you regret it?

Had it done to me a couple of times, never really understood why so just curious!

Thanks!

No

You can reduce contact but no need for the mean attitude

No but people have ghosted me before - after they’ve used me for whatever reason (mostly trying to get to my husband to get a job)

Not 100% ignored but reduced contact by replying less frequently to texts, avoiding places I knew she'd be. The reason was she was becoming increasingly demanding and controlling. Everything was very dramatic and she spent most of the time crying and ranting about minor things. No capacity to listen to anyone else's troubles and no self awareness of the effect her constant drama had on anyone else. If I'd told her why I was reducing contact it would just have been more "poor me" fuel for the drama and I didn't fancy being added to the list of people she moaned and bitched about..

I’ve been ghosted which has meant I have never ghosted anyone. I think it’s awful. Of course there are times I’ve considered it but I always try to be as kind as possible. Also I think you should be honest and say if things have upset you.

I've never done it to a close friend, but I have done it to a meet-for-coffee-every-few-weeks friend.

Basically it's due to embarrassment. It's too awkward to say "look, I've realised that we don't actually have much in common and I'd rather not meet up any more". Easier just to stop contacting them.

I have.

I tried the nicely nicely approach, and just excused myself from social events, said I wasn't available, but then she reached stalker territory.
So I stopped texting her back all together and actively avoided places where she might be.

Also, I find it quite patronising to sit a grown adult down and explain why you don't like them anymore. I would be mortified if that happened to me.

Yes. She was way to obsessive and full on constantly. I'd tried to set boundaries which she didn't like and I was not looking for that level of friendship. So I decided that I didn't want to peruse that friendship anymore.

Sort of. I had a “friend” that I had to make all the effort with. Make all the phone calls, plans, visits. As soon as I stopped the friendship fizzled out.

I have. Years ago. A friend came to live with me abroad while she looked for a place to live on her own. I was happy and excited. After a few weeks she started to realise it's hard to live in a foreign country, especially when you don't really speak the language. She became (I think) jealous of how easy it was for me (it bloody hadn't been- I'd done the move alone and had been there years - she hadn't seen what I'd gone through). So she started making digs at me ALL the time. Digs about my looks (she's a stunner, I'm not), my hobbies, my friends, my clothes, my work and all the time. I knew what she was going through was hard, and we were friends, so let it go at first. It continued and eventually I told her it wasn't nice. Then she started crying and saying I wasn't being fair, she's had a bad day (or whatever) so how could I tell her she wasn't being nice in THAT day. Every single time I tried to talk to her about it, she cried and blamed me.

Eventually she got her place. I figured it would stop. But it didn't. "Jokes" about my breasts, my hair, my life choices - really derogatory comments. Of course I was also "too sensitive" because "it was just a joke". She did it in front of some of our (by then - they had been mine) mutual friends and they were horrified at what she said to me - i hadn't even noticed what she'd said because it wasn't as bad as what she normally said to me and by this time I believed it was really my fault anyway because she still turned it on me when I ever tried to raise it.

One day I went away for a long weekend without her and realised I couldn't cope. She called about 6 times the first day and I just couldn't pick up the phone. I felt really bad, but I just couldn't face another "joke" about myself. She sent messages too and something in me simply couldn't respond. Same the rest of the weekend. I couldn't cope hearing anything else bad about me, being told it was a joke, being told I was unfair to her and having to deal with her crying (loudly). So I ghosted her, although at that time there wasn't a word for it.

I felt horrible for doing it - truly horrible - and embarrassed, because that's not how I treat people. I didn't know what else to do and it was instinctive by that point. I knew it wasn't nice but I still couldn't make myself re-enter the situation where i was going to be humiliated again.

We're in touch now, years later, and we've never spoken about it. I would like to apologise but I can't if I'm going to be told how much it hurt her with no acknowledgement of what she did too (which I'm fairly certain I wouldn't, or I'd have apologised). I think - as I did then - that it was down to the extreme stress she found herself in, while living with me who seemed to have a nice flat, good job, understood a lot about what was going on around etc. If we hadn't been living together at that point it probably wouldn't have been so bad.

I've never done it to anybody else and definitely wouldn't recommend if there's an alternative.

Yes.

She had displayed some awful behaviour for months previously, including at my hen do and wedding. The final straw came when I cancelled plans with her (24 hours notice, so not very last minute) to go and see my uncle who had just had emergency surgery (turned out that was the last time a i saw him). She accepted the cancellation but called me later and shouted lots of abuse at me and demanded I prioritise her in the future. I stopped answering her calls and texts after that.

I have also been ghosted. It's not particularly pleasant but I sort of understand the reasons (I'm married the the best friend of one of the group's ex-husbands. They ghosted me during the acrimonious split). I think of it as their problem, not mine.

12ish years ago I lived in a flatshare. One of the flatmates was quite...intense.

She wanted a really close friendship with me but I didn't think we had much in common, she was quite draining and just wanted to moan a lot.

She'd buy two tickets 'for us on Friday night' for the cinema and I'd feel guilty and felt I had to go with her, even if I had previous plans. I think I'd only lived there a month or two when she introduced me to her mum (who was visiting) as her best friend.

I was early 20s and she was late 40s and as I say, not much in common. She'd make me dinner and put it in my shelf of the fridge. I'd feel guilted into eating with her, which would turn into spending a whole evening...I was a wet blanket back then for not saying no more.

She very kind but I felt too much - I wanted to choose what to do/eat.

Well, I moved after 6 months, 60 miles away. She did text and call me, and I just didn't answer. I honestly thought of she came to visit me even once, she'd just turn up and stay the whole weekend.

I do still feel massively guilty.

ahumanfemale I think she's the one who needs to be apologising. Don't you dare apologise!

No but have been still to this day I don’t know why

Sort of. I had a “friend” that I had to make all the effort with. Make all the phone calls, plans, visits. As soon as I stopped the friendship fizzled out

Same. But I'm sure they would say "Elspeth stopped talking to me - I don't know why"

There's a old saying that "if I cut you off, you handed me the scissors"

This person demanded all of my attention but when my closest family member was dying in the hospice for 3 months, was nowhere to be seen. I was disgusted and decided to stop texting someone who wasn't there for me. I was curious to see how much effort she'd make if I wasn't initiating contact even in a horrific time for me. I suspected it would be none. I was right. Fuck that. But I'm sure she's going around doing the victim routine.

One woman who was recovering from an eating disorder. She lived in a house I moved next door to and literally was never off my doorstep. She’d be ‘worried’ if I didn’t answer my door at 7.30am and literally bang on it until I did. Every conversation we had was about calories, her diet, how she felt, her time in hospital. I was much younger then and far too immature to cope with it.
So basically I just moved ( not just because of her) and didn’t tell her where I’d gone or leave a forwarding address. It was a relief.

I think about doing this to one of my friends. We used to be close, lost touch, became close again and both moved so we are even further away. I've done my best to organise meeting days and nights out and she cancels everytime. I did wonder if I was being ghosted, but then she reached out over FB or WhatsApp randomly, so I persevere.
It's got to that stage though where Im really quite upset by the way she's acting. I want to cut it off, but I know she suffers with her mental health and I don't want to be the reason that she feels even worse.

I have done it about 10 years ago. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and at the time it seemed like the 'easiest' option as I couldn't explain what was happening.

Years later I did get in touch to explain.

Yep recently a friend of 10+ years, I found out they were dealing drugs so I cut her off

I have, yes. Once, a friend had been trash talking my oh. I'd been finding her hard work, that was the last straw. She became fb friends with him.

Another time, which I posted about on here. Our lifestyles had changed such that the vital aspect of the relationship for me had gone.

Yes kind of.
I stopped making an effort to get intouch with a friend as it was virtually always me who got in touch first. She never made any effort so I stopped bothering too.
I've also gone very low contact with a friend after she didn't come to either of my hen dos and didn't turn up to the get together she had organised!
I just don't feel the same about her anymore. She has messaged to say we should meet up and I've replied a breezy yes we should buy after being let don't by her on the last 3 occasions i 've decided to let the friendship drift.

Yes.

I don't regret it one bit and if I was in the same situation id do it again in a heartbeat

I've done it twice.

First time was my supposed best friend stole my violent ex-h number from paperwork and began sending him pics of the kids and giving him my address and details about our lives. She didn't know I knew it was her so rather than have an argument it just blocked her and moved on with my life. She eventually moved out of our town and everyone who knew her all says she is very troubled and did similar to them. Her many many conquests all say she was the biggest mistake of their lives.

The second time was when my then bf admitted to sleeping with my oldest friend one night at the start of our relationship. She completely denied it then said if I didn't believe her she would tell the partners of pretty much every guy we knew I had been sleeping with him. After several months my bf got back together and are happily married and she is still single with a reputation and nickname of the towns bike.

I used the grey rock technique so that they slowly disappeared themselves.

I ghosted someone. A small group of 4 or 5 of us had met at baby classes with our eldest dc and met up weekly, had playdates for the kids, meet-ups/barbecues etc as the years went along, we even all went away for a weekend to the country once. I found her very controlling and strangely unfeeling, though in other ways she was v nice. Her ds slept through the night from a very young age whereas mine had terrible eczema and only slept for 2 hours max at a stretch. She would say things like 'wow! only 2 hours? my ds slept through for 7 hours last night'. She agreed to babysit for us once and then on the day she 'forgot' and when I called her to ask if she was coming she laughed and said 'oh no - I forgot!', as if it was a big joke: since my dh and I have no parents between us, we never ever got the chance to go out so it was a big deal to us. Another time I was with my dc at her house when they were about 2 years old and my dc and hers were playing in the garden; there was a pile of rocks and bricks they were fiddling around with and my dc ended up dropping one (accidentally ) on her ds's leg or arm (can't remember now) and it hurt him. I was mortifued and began to apologise profusely. Before a few seconds had elapsed , my friend's dh who happened to be at home came bounding over to my 2 year old dc and thrust his face close up to her and literally screamed into her face "YOU FUCKING CUNT, YOU FUCKING BITCH" and similar- it was unbelievable. My dc and i were shocked beyond belief at his outburst. We left the house in horror and the dad never ever apologised. My friend jokingly half apologised on his behalf weeks later but it was very insincere and I have never forgotten it.

There were many more incidents like this but the final straw came when my and her dc were taking exams to get into grammar schools; she always believed her ds was hugely G&T and boasted relentlessly and I just couldn't take it any more. I decided to bow out quietly so I did. She emailed and texted for a while and eventually gave up.

Sometimes I do feel guilty, but explaining to someone why you don't like them and find them intolerable is, as a pp said, patronising and difficult. My life has not suffered on iota for her and her family not being in it and that's the bottom line for me. The other people in our little group no longer have contact with her either, whereas we are all still good friends so I guess that says something about her.