Have you ever ghosted a friend?

[Nessathewelsh]

So cut them off, stopped contacting them or replying to them.

Why did you do it? What was going through your head? Do you regret it?

Had it done to me a couple of times, never really understood why so just curious!

Thanks!

Yes, once. We'd been friends for just over a year when I had my youngest. He was very poorly when he was born and was in NICU for 2 weeks. He had a major procedure and the very same day, whilst we were waiting to hear how he was doing (only 5 days old at this point) she text me to say she thought she was pregnant. The father was my DH's friend who did not want children, she'd joked many times about sticking pins in the condom cos she was determined to get a kid out of him. This was her 5th pregnancy scare since I'd known her. I was furious. I actually lasted a couple more weeks, the real kicker was when she came to meet DS when he was finally home and stayed all day with her 2 year old, who wasn't the easiest child. She happily sat there and let me entertain him and stop him destroying my house. I was 3 weeks post c-section, with mastitis and an infection in my wound. It was horrendous and she didn't give a shit. I stopped replying to her texts after that, I didn't want to be her friend anymore.

Anyone else reading this and trying to work out why they were ghosted?!

Yes. I had a friend who was a lot older and richer than me, no job and she just didn't get that I wasn't on tap all day every day. She bombarded me with emails - several long ones a day. She sent me presents and I could tell she expected me to do the same to her, but I had very little money or time at that stage. I tried - I sent her a huge bouquet when she got a volunteer job she'd wanted which she didn;t acknowledge.

We met for lunch before Christmas one year. I was going through a really hellish problem at the time and she'd wanted to discuss it. She proceeded to tell me in detail about a long affair she'd had, bitching about her husband who had basically allowed her to live without working in extreme luxury all her life, talking about herself for over an hour. Then she demanded to know why I was so 'tight' with money when I'd just paid for her lunch and bought her a Christmas present I knew she wanted (she didn't get me one).

Finally she asked about the issue that was happening in my life. I spoke for about ten seconds and she got up to go to the loo. When she came back I started to talk again and she interrupted to tell me how ugly I looked when I was upset.

When we finished that lunch I realised I couldn't bear to see her again. I had what felt like an allergic reaction to her. The way she treated her husband. The bitchiness to me. She used to speak openly about how she loved her natural daughter more than her adopted daughter which I'd once thought bravely honest and then realised was just emotionally immature and nasty. I just cut her off.

She sent me a vitriolic email ranting about it and I sent her a very brief reply. I feel like I had been blinded by her energy and her glamour, and I felt I owed her because she had been flamboyantly generous (with her husband's money) when we first met in a way no one in my life ever had been before. I just had nothing nice to say to her. If I had explained why I let the friendship die, I'd have had to be cruelly blunt and I couldn't face being (still dealing with the really tough situation at the time) so I ghosted her, knowingly.

I haven’t but I do wonder what the alternative is. How do you end a friendship. If it is a romantic relationship you can end it but you don’t usually tell friends you are breaking up with them.

Neolara
That's sad. In your shoes I think I'd write to your friend and tell her exactly what you've said here. I bet you are still at the back of her mind and she wonders what happened. Even if your friendship doesn't start up again at least you will have given her some clarity.

Yes and I have also been ghosted. It hurts but on the other hand, how would you sit an adult down and tell them they'd behaved like a shit and a taker and that for the last 5 years they'd drained you of the will to live whenever they'd been in touch. All this after you'd been a 100% solid mate when they were going through shit but they never reciprocated.
Oh and they had a massive victim mentality too.

Yes.
We were good friends, she helped me a lot on a practical level, but as time went in I realised she was controlling, and it was just practical stuff, which she'd make sure everyone knew about.
She never listened to me, and dismissed every opinion I had.
If I tried to speak to her about it she'd remind me if the practical help, if I did that stuff myself she'd make me feel guilty for not asking her.

It all came to a head the day I was moving house, she'd arranged it all the way she thought it should be done, and all I had to do was pay!
When she started talking down to me in front of the removal men I told her to fuck off and never come back.
She tried a few times but no way.
If I see her I look away, she's vile.

Been ghosted once years ago by a meet for a coffee every fortnight friend. We had been meeting up for about a year at this point (worked together previously,then I left that job) and for the previous 4 or 5 meetups she had for some reason gone on about how her mother had treated her in her childhood. And i think that last time I had unforgivably made a face when she started again like what is it about me you feel you can talk to me about this stuff. So I dont blame her for ghosting me.

I ghosted a relative, wondered after many years of calling him several times a year but never getting called back just how long it would take him to call me for once. Still waiting and it's been 15 or so years.

Dont feel bad about a friend who I had to work with, she ended up after a long time being my boss and she took the piss mightily. By the time I left that job I wanted to never speak to her again. So I didnt.

Yeah... One friend whose behaviour was getting more and more weird and dangerous. Speeding with me in the car, pinching me hard on the arm, flirting with strangers very overtly. Accusing me of terrible things.

I have yes. I felt like I had spent a lot of time telling her that she could achieve more than she thought she could, to stop communicating with her ex, who took up too much of her thoughts and energy and positivity. I wanted her to at least TRY and apply for jobs that were a bit beneath her (from the position of being unemployed) to move her son to a nearer school so that she would be free to work instead of driving him to a 'naice' school which took her half her day and left her unable to work and relying on benefits and a bit of maintenance. We were great friends when we were both single mothers on lone parent benefit but when I was able to work i did, and I know I had some advantages she didn't but equally she had advantages I didn't have when it came to getting back in tot he workplace (a masters, only one child, her child had no SN). She felt stuck I know and I tried to make her believe she could take the small steps but she never changed anything. I spent hours and hours trying to make her feel better about herself and then one day when I didn't respond to a whatsapp message quickly enough (i was at work) i got a snippy follow up whatsapp and nobody was more surprised than I was when I thought, nope, I'm done.

Oh, this thread makes me feel better! I have been the ghosted and the ghoster.

I was ghosted by two best friends at school, but I don't actually blame them for that because I was an overly intense weirdo and anyone would have wanted to get away from me.

I ghosted one guy on my course who came across as a complete drip (sorry), and am currently ghosting an old family friend who I find overbearing and pushy. None of us- my dad, mum, sister and myself - have ever actually properly liked her but somehow she's clung on in our lives I'm currently giving her no contact at all (except to allow her to see my FB photos, because she lives on FB and is quite obsessive I think).

Accidentally.

I got pregnant young, moved out of area and a lot of my friends were into drinking, partying. I considered them extremely good friends before getting pregnant but once we couldn’t drink/party together contact ceased. On both parts to be fair.

Yes, we’ll tried too but it blew up.

Met friend online whilst TTC then had children days apart, first mistake- just because you’re all pregnant doesn’t mean you’re all gonna get on!
Lived close ended up whilst close. Kids grew up a little so play dates were few and far between. Started to dislike her behaviour, quite bossy, alpha female, above others kinda thing, wouldn’t think twice about being unpleasant about other “friends” . The straw that broke it was she went camping and asked me to check on her dog, I went in and the dog had shat everywhere, including herself. I cleaned it all up, her kitchen floor etc. When I took the key back round, she couldn’t even come to the door to thank/ apologise. She was moaning that she came back straight into deep cleaning. I was FURIOUS!!
The amount of times I have had her children, dropped things to head over when she’s had a “crisis” never ever reciprocated by her.

One of her real life friends ghosted her as I started to back off so I felt bad. Tried to talk about not doing Christmas presents to save money and was told “you’re the only people we get presents off” went to her youngests birthday party to find we were the only ones invited as “don’t really have other friends.” The pressure of being that only friend was quite overwhelming. Throw in her divorce.
All whilst dealing with my own MH issues (almost died) but it being dismissed at every turn as her 21 year old is suffering from MH problems and hers are way worse (I’m sure they are to her, but don’t belittle mine)

Received a message to say I hadn’t replied to her message and I was online 11 minutes ago, and to be honest saw my chance to divorce her.

I get some lovely inspirational quotes aimed at me on facebook (Mutual friends screen shot them) but to be honest, phew weight lifted.

Leaving a friend is definitely harder than leaving a spouse!

Yes, ghosted someone once.

It was always a one-sided friendship - I was the person she would offload on, about her endless dramas. I would have her stay with me, I would read her tarot cards on demand for free, I would offer the advice she asked for (not that she ever took it), and I bit my tongue at her less-than-honest behaviour and tried to be supportive. then when she began a second affair, eventually dumping her partner for the new man, I said I thought she had behaved really badly, but she refused to see it - although she was a bit off with me for a while.

She also never wanted to know anything about me - except to ask if I was dating. She seemed to take it as a personal affront that I was single and happy, and resistant to her trying to set me up with various people who lived hours away from me! Oh, and she would criticise my parenting and my son. Her girls were a bloody nightmare, and the reason I only stayed with her once. She believed in smacking, despite it's obvious ineffectiveness in teaching her children to behave.

Then I got pneumonia. I felt like hell, and so I said I couldn't give her the tarot reading she wanted, and would let her know when I could. A week later she said she was coming to see me - I said to not come, as I was still very ill in bed. I re-iterated that I would be in touch when I was feeling better.

She replied, 'I'll come anyway and look after you.' Maybe it is because I felt so rotten, but I replied, 'I think we both know that isn't true' then blocked her on everything. Because I knew very well that she wanted to stay with me to attend a hobby event that was happening near me (I always was a useful last-minute B and B for her).

She did attempt to contact me once each via email and twitter - I just blocked those new accounts too. I have no doubt she feels the victim, but I feel little, if any, guilt. It has certainly been far outweighed by the relief of not having her drain me.

Maybe it was childish of me. But if she couldn't see why I ghosted her, she's far more childish.

Had a friend who I figured out was a hypochondriac- constantly in a+e getting herself admitted for things like suspected heart attacks which ended up being a torn muscle etc. Eventually lost her job and would just moan about everything every time I visited or texted and it got really draining.

We have daughters who I’d organise play dates and help out with childcare for and I would constantly get random WhatsApp pictures of her child’s awards at nursery, and pictures she’d drawn. She also boasted about what her teachers had said in her reports saying to me “we should be proud,” which got the alarm bells ringing. My husband thought she was a total nutter, but I gave the benefit of the doubt, overexcited mother and all.

The final straw was her telling me she was completely and utterly in love with me and wanted to divorce her husband and be with me. Laughed it off, but every time I’ve seen her since, I keep getting comments on how good I look. I’d normally be flattered, but I’m way too creeped out to reply now.

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This has been picked up by a lazy journo

Sorry for the mad link!!

Yes. One particular time, and it’s painful to think about, but the list of let downs, shit comments and when she told me she couldn’t bear to listen to me anymore because it felt like we were ‘counsellor and patient’ - for reference, my ex h had left me for someone else, so it was a hard time...but she would poke me and poke me to talk about it, and then get angry at me for being ‘pathetic’.
In the end, I explained what I was doing and why and then blocked her on everything. She found another way to contact me, and said I’d been unfair and she felt very rejected. Not sorry, or I’ll treat you better, but HER feelings had been hurt and that was all that mattered. My life was no better and no worse not having her in it. And I truly believe people who genuinely support me stepped into her place, after that.

I had a friend who was extremely opinionated. Ironically, this was something I admired in her when I first met her but it became wearing over time, especially as she could never accept that other people might have different views to hers. She also seemed to believe she was of superior intelligence and was one of those who would delight in correcting others grammar. Over time it transpired that, while she might be good at spelling, she was less intelligent when it came to other aspects of her life and had made some dubious choices.

Around the time of the last election, her Facebook rants started to get to me, even though I had similar views politically. She professed that people who voted the opposite way to her were "cunts" and when I revealed a close relative had voted this way sent me links to educate them otherwise. She also referred to them as a "fucking idiot".

Due to this and her generally obsessive, attention seeking ways I decided to back away from the friendship. I didn't ghost (I agree that's cruel), just distanced and it fizzled out eventually. I also don't believe in most cases there is any point in telling someone why you don't want to be friends anymore as that could be crueler than ghosting and certainly no point with this individual!

I would never do it to anyone as I see it as the cowards way out. If someone has upset you at least tell them what they have done.

I have had it happen to me once. I know why and I did apologise (I had had a complete mental breakdown). The person tried to get back in touch 3 years later when I had got myself together, new job, new baby etc.... I was honest and apologised again for my behaviour when I was having my mental health crisis but that I didnt feel the need for us to be in contact anymore as I felt the friendship had been irreparably damaged.

Ghosting is pathetic and cowardly. If someone doesn't want to see or speak to me any more all they have to do is say so and friendship over. Blocking you completely is childish and ridiculous.

I have been ghosted after I stopped letting a friend use visiting me as an excuse to get out of the house to meet her OM.

I am currently ghosting a very close friend of 20+ years, I noticed when we were going out she became directly bitchy and snarly to me and others & found out it's when she sniffs coke, so time to move on.

Yup. total NC after I found out she'd been using images of me ( that she got off my phone when I left it there one night ) to go on an adult site as her profile pics. Lord knows what anyone would think when they met her as she looked nothing like me!

Yes.

We met at NCT classes. To begin with I thought we were close but it because increasingly clear it wasn't a healthy relationship. She bitched about me to mutual friends, she criticised all of my parenting decisions from how long I breastfed ('She's 18 months, you're disgusting!') and generally made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Back then I wasn't great at standing up for myself but two days after the kids started in Reception we met for coffee and she started to tell me that DD's umiform was wrong. Something obviously snapped in me and it was odd, a bit like an out of body experience - without really thinking about what I was doing I suddenly stood up, told her I was leaving and wouldn't see her agsin, then left without a backwards glance. She bombarded me with texts, etc - I ignored and blocked.

I've never regretted it for an instant and it was a turning point for me. I'm much better at standing up for myself now and I feel like I cam model for DD what a healthy friendship looks like.