Have you ever ghosted a friend?

[Nessathewelsh]

So cut them off, stopped contacting them or replying to them.

Why did you do it? What was going through your head? Do you regret it?

Had it done to me a couple of times, never really understood why so just curious!

Thanks!

I did. And I live with her! It was for my own mental health. We co exist as roommates but she has gotten nothing from me socially for the last 3 1/2 years.

Oh but to elaborate more, she was incredibly clingy and relied on me for all of her socialising. Lots of other issues too. So i just simply stopped inviting her out and did things on my own with my friends.

I have done it to all my friends when I reached my 20s and I regret it every single day.

I was in a toxic abusive relationship from my early teens to 20s and was severely depressed. 2 of my friends in particular were always there for me throughout this time. When that relationship finally ended I went abroad and wanted nothing at all to do with my old life. I couldn't see my friends through my own bubble of pain.

I didn't realize how much they had meant for me and how much they had done for me until a few years later when I was finally out of my depression. I was so ashamed of what I did that I had nightmares about them that I woke up crying from for years. The more time that passed the harder it became to apologize and contact them. At some point I learnt they had new families and lives and I used that as an excuse to justify not contacting them, because they were happy and didn't need me.

I wouldn't even know how to reach them anymore, though I have googled them many times. I lost 2 of the truest friends that I probably will ever have because I was selfish, sad and crippled with guilt. It's been 15 years and I still feel horrible about it.

I hope this answers your question. I don't know what happened in your case but sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they can't see the forest for the trees.

Yes. Long time ago. Lovely, good friend from uni. Had got into habit of hour long conversations every couple of weeks. Had baby and calls became tricker to manage logistically. Had second miscarriage. Very down. Didn't want to chat to anyone. Got pregnant, huge anxiety. Less willing to have hour long chats with anyone. Had two babies, hour long chats impossible. Had another couple of mcs. Each time got pregnant, huge anxiety as more mcs you have, the more likely you are to mc again. By this stage, embarrassed about me being crap about not continuing with hour long conversations and generally found it easier to deal with this by avoiding situation entirely by not replying to texts. Person lived other side of country and realisticly had was never going to see her again unless made concerted effort to get in touch. Was totally crap of me and I still feel bad about it. She has no idea idea why. I'm generally a pretty good friend - totally reliable, reasonably thoughtful etc. Very out of character for me. My only excuse is I found the whole being pregnant period very difficult emotionally. This thread has made me think. Maybe I should send her an email to explain and apologise.

Only once.
Don't regret it at all.
Never had a nice word to say about anyone ever.

Yep, two friends (at the same time). They had gradually turned into very negative, nasty self-absorbed people and they fed that in each other. They hated that my life wasnt miserable. I'm not saying they were jealous because that isn't it, it's harder to explain. When I missed a coffee date one morning because I was visiting an elderly family member in hospital (I had given them a few hours notice that I could t make it, and relative died later that day) they were just plain nasty about it. I didn't have any fight in my to confront them about it so I just blocked them. It has been 5 years now and I know they both still think I'm the bad guy (we have mutual friends) and I couldn't care less. Nasty, nasty women.

A few times. Actually quite a lot. Normally when my mental health is bad, I decide no one likes me, ghost everyone and then 6 months down the line I'm too embareased to go back... I have just the 2 friends really, who understand this and just turn up if I stary dissappearing. Everyone else goes in the end.

Sort of and felt bad about it for a while but not anymore.Actually I was the last to text and not heard anything since so I guess that means I've been ghosted ?Our friendship has been limping on for some time now.We used to see a lot of each other, but I realise now that's because I was useful to her.And the literally hundreds of hours spent at my house weren't reciprocated.The last meet up was strained an awkard and I realised we have less and less in common than I thought.Plus she has become increasingly negative.And it dawned on me that I would keep in touch whatever was going on good or bad,no matter how busy.And she only contacted when aggrieved about something,or would suddenly turn up on the doorstep and stay for ages because it suited her.So very draining.
It feels like a big relief tbh.But I am not looking forward to bumping into her ,as one day I probably will.Once that's happened I will finally lay it to rest in my mind.

Yes I have, twice

Once about 10 years ago because I went on a girl's holiday and paid for my 'friend' on the understanding she'd repay me on pay day. Holiday came and went, two pay days came and went and when I asked her for it she later marched to my desk with £10 (I had lent her £300) and said she couldn't believe I was being so precious, slammed it down and stormed off It was the last straw in a gigantic hay bale of issues to be honest, so just stopped contacting her.

The second one was about 3 years ago. We were 3 work friends. Friend A got pregnant and became a bit of a babyzilla. Stopped asking how I was, talked over me all the time and ignoring me in favour of talking to friend B who had a young child e.g. Me: "Next week me and DP are looking at wedding venues and..." "Omg, friend B, I'm thinking of X or Y for the and what do you think?" Me: . I had a bad accident at the time as well and she never was bothered to ask how I was, just kept blabbering about herself and the baby. I moved jobs shortly after (not related), realised I was worth more and just stopped contact.

Don't regret doing either. I regret the situations leading to it happened but not the ghosting. It was cathartic and good for my self esteem.

I've done it once and had it done to me.

The person I did it to was a family member who was aggressive and abusive and the final straw for me was receiving a text message clearly about me but not meant for me. I didn't reply. I was intending to (mainly to give her a piece of my mind) but after a few days I realised I didn't want to and that I was much better just not bothering at all anymore.

The one done to me was by a friend who at the time was very close. He just stopped talking to me. To this day I believe it was because of his girlfriend who I never met but I suspect she had some quite odd jealousy issues with our friendship. With hindsight and proper distance I realise that he was actually not nice (understatement) who didn't treat me well at all, but when we were friends I had the blinkers on. I've thought a lot about our friendship since it ended and I now believe he inadvertently did me a favour in fucking off the way he did. He is still with the same girlfriend and even though she was completely ridiculous about me, I now feel very sorry for her saddled with him for life (they have two children now).

I've gone no contact with an ex neighbour. We both moved around the same time, but in opposite directions, she won't drive on a motorway.

Last year she must have cancelled on me 15 times, I'd rearranged working days and places we were meeting involved no motorway for her.

She's the sort of person who is all over you with complements and kind words, but I've seen her do this to other friends and then slag them off to me, so not genuine.

She lost her son in 2018 I've done my upmost to be supportive, I won't contact unless she gets in touch with me, I wonder if she's trying to tell me something by cancelling every time.

I have once - a girl from university.

She was very toxic and unpleasant and liked to stir and make drama where there was none. Blocking her and moving on was the only way out of the friendship!

Oh, and I did it again with an ex - but I think that was entirely justified tbh. We were already broken up at the time!

Once, years ago. Friend from uni was self-obsessed, negative and very, very tight with money. She was also weirdly jealous. We stayed in touch and saw each other semi-regularly for years but she would always moan, complain, compare herself to me negatively and never open her purse!

The last straw was when she came to my 50th half an hour before it started, moaned about the venue, drank loads of free wine, moaned when it ran out, said I haven’t got you a present or a card just... me! Then in the next breath told me she’d just spent £100 on a dress and went on and on about was that a silly thing to do? Should she take it back? Was that a crazy amount to spend? Oh no, she couldn’t stop thinking about it! (I don’t care - it’s my 50th and I’m trying to host a party!). Oh and she called me by my surname, which I hate.

Anyway, afterwards, I thought back to all the lovely people who’d come to my party, brought cards & gifts, said nice things, enjoyed themselves in a normal, pleasant way (and who called me by my first name) and I thought, you cow! I’d had enough - it was just the last straw. So yes, I ghosted her and I know she was confused and upset but I figured she only needed to think back to the last time we saw each other and, well, the clues were all there. Sometimes, I think back to those formative years at uni and remember her with some fondness but all in all, I’m glad she’s no longer in my life!

I had a friend that I had to make all the effort with ,the last straw wardens told me she couldn't meet up.in the entire school summer holidays as she was so busy so I stopped contacting her,I didn't see her for about three years and she contacted me because n Facebook to apologise,so we met up again ,when we met up there was a lot of stuff going on for me ,my son had been diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities,and various other stuff I found myself doing the running again so I thought so it ,I don't need this shit ,so.did I ghost her ,or her me

Yes I have but have also had it done to me.

My own cousin ghosted me when we were 16. I saw her one day walking towards me and rather than speak to me she crossed the road to avoid me. Saw her again, tried to say hello she turned and walked away. Ten years later after I was married and had kids, at a family get together she tried to approach me, childish I know, but wasn’t interested so I didn’t acknowledge her. Still don’t speak, both in our 40s now.

Old neighbour just stopped speaking to me one day, then many many months down the line started speaking like nothing had happened.

I don’t know if I ghosted her or she ghosted me but like others have also mentioned, I realised I was doing all the running and one day thought fuck it, won’t contact to see how long it takes for her to contact me. I’m still waiting....14 years later!!!😀

Most recent person (3 years) is the most narcissistic person I know. I could no longer deal with the moods, attention seeking, lying, negativity, all about me attitude, playing the victim etc. She was having a really bad effect on my mental health. I felt she was bleeding me dry emotionally. I had been limiting contact for a couple of years already but the final straw was the inibilty to put her child first over herself and many relationships, so I kind of just stopped contact, I didn’t have anything else to give nor did I have any fight left in me to confront the issues with her and would just lead to the deny, lie, cry, response I always got so no point.

Months down the line she turned nasty on 3 of the people closest to me and caused a huge amount of hurt. So I know I made the right decision

Ah yes FatherDick the very tight with money is another thing that finally dawned on me.When you realised the knack for 'let me get that table over ' multiple times,leaving me in the queue with the cake and coffee order and the bill with a 'my turn next'.mm.Sorry ,this thread gas stirred up some feelings !I've got a few truly lovely,genuine friendships that only highlighted how toxic this one had become.

I did, realised said friend only ever talked about herself and her children. It was a sudden realisation and then I thought back to all the times we had met and it was basically me sitting being talked at for hours. There was also endless boasting about her children and how clever, popular and attractive they are. On and on with the competitive parenting and snobby comments, she even laughed at someone she knew from school gates as they had an "entry level" Mulberry bag. The final straw came when she couldn't get her children into the school that mine go to and then went off on a rant about how bad the school was with no thought at all to my feelings.

I don't live close by enough to bump into her so just stopped answering her texts. She was pretty persistent but that's just because she's so used to getting her own way. I don't feel bad about it at all as she never considered my feelings, ever. I also don't owe her an explanation as I'm an adult with free choice and there is no way she would ever accept my reasons as she thinks she is a wonderful person. Sometimes ghosting is actually kinder than telling someone the truth. If you've been ghosted its probably your fault for backing the ghoster into a corner.

Not ghosting, but I have eased off a particularly intense friendship. It was becoming toxic, and affecting my mental health. I found it a very one sided friendship with me providing support and help, with little in return. I'd be sympathetic and listen when she'd talk, but if I tried to talk about anything, I'd be fobbed off and the subject changed. I don't think she's a bad person, I think it's emotional immaturity. That's ok, but it manifests as quite hurtful comments disguised as 'jokes' but if I'd said the same back it would be offensive. When I called her out, I was being too sensitive apparently.
I've now pulled right back, and I refuse to be drawn in.

Yes I’ve done it to negative family members and friends who said nothing nice or drained me and made me feel bad after every interaction I don’t feel bad at all more a bid for survival

Had it done to me good friend just one day walked past me saying hello and never contacted me again no idea what went on there I suspect it was because I was friends with someone she’d fallen out with and refused to ignore them . Thinking in it now I’m glad I was ghosted

humanfemale under no circumstances apologise

I let go of someone I considered a close friend shortly after my mum died. The final straw related to me wanting a piece of music to be played at my mums funeral, he had it but he was too busy to get it to me, it was pretty obscure and he was grumbling, saying why couldn’t I get it in a shop or did anyone else have it etc. It was, in retrospect, fairly typical behaviour.

At this point I realised that our friendship had mainly been me doing the running. He had visited me almost never whereas I remembered lots of times going to his flat. During the year or so after my mums death I just let go and the contact dwindled and then eventually petered out.

A few years later I heard from him by email that his dad had died, I called him to offer condolences. We haven’t spoken since.

I don’t feel bad about it. Especially at the big events in life, illness, marriage, children, I believe you find out who is there for you and you should put your energies into people who give back.

I have also been ghosted by my dad, but that’s a whole ‘nother story! We are back on speaking terms now. He’s a serial ghoster and I don’t think it does him any good.

Yes, a friend I had known since primary school got into the habit of using me as a back up friend. She had this way of making it clear I was a friend but not a good friend. I stopped contacting her. We bumped into one another and she tried to restart the friendship and I showed no interest.

No regrets.

Another friend was competitive, self absorbed and made snide comments. She was very attractive, a man magnet and enjoyed reminding me I was the plain friend.

No regrets.

Yes. Lowering contact rather than ghosting. As it happens, about 10 years later, the relationship naturally revived. At the time we were at different places, now we're back at the same place. Thats why Im never one for the dramatic advice often spewed out on MN of 'you tell 'em hun, write 'em a letter' - its utterly pointless to create drama for the sake of it.

Im also lowering contact with a good friend at the moment, she;s a lot younger than me, just lost her mum, but she is very intense, always wanting me to go to her family parties and I simply don't have the time (terminally ill partner).

I have cut off contact with a friend,no more emails or other contact (we're some distance away so only met rarely, but were in frequent contact) but it wasn't ghosting as I explained why in my last email to her.

It was pointless explaining though as in her subsequent emails and Christmas card she completely ignored what I'd said, made it all about other stuff, and kept telling me how I was in the wrong.