Have you ever ghosted a friend?

[Nessathewelsh]

So cut them off, stopped contacting them or replying to them.

Why did you do it? What was going through your head? Do you regret it?

Had it done to me a couple of times, never really understood why so just curious!

Thanks!

Yes. Although both times it was more 'if I stop messaging them will they even bother?' Turns out it was only and issue at 10pm on a saturday when they were drunk and wanting to party. It's not massively impacted my life not having them in it. I went from a large group of around 8 friends that were always there to party but never when I need them to a close group of 3 that I can truly rely on.

Yep, I did it at the beginning of last year.

I had a friend who was an online friend for the most part (we’d only met a handful of times in person). We messaged each other every day but she was so negative, always thought she was somehow better than me and put me down a lot. I got fed up with it in the end and cut her off. I couldn’t be arsed with a dramatic explanation as to why I would no longer be messaging her, I just wanted her out of my life.

Glad I did it, haven’t looked back.

I ghosted 3 'friends' 18months ago, felt much better instantly (I am male)

1. Builder friend, did some work, was in a foul mood, and very sarcastic and downright rude, been good friends for 8 yrs, I decided that was it. His 'banter' was so embarrassing, my girlfriend had to leave the room rather than watch me being insulted.
2. my gunsmith used to visit at least monthly, he lives an hour away, and would spend the day, have a curry, watch a film, and I would drive over to his occasionally. He nearly leant me £90K to buy a house (we were that close). Now that I've moved, he hasn't visited, but still invites me over to his. Notoriously tight, he whinges about petrol and parking. "But I've still got that bottle of wine, if you want to come over..."
3. Old friend who thinks everyone should be like him.

No (other than friendships naturally fading away) but I am thinking about retreating from a friendship group that I feel has naturally run its course.

I did it in my early 20’s to a friend who had become annoyingly possessive. She would sulk if I spent time with other friends and wanted for it always to just be the two of us. I had a big group of friends and couldn’t get her to realise that I wasn’t giving them up.

I stopped returning her calls and in the end had to be very blunt. I’ve looked her up on fb recently and I’m happy to see that she’s happily married and only wish her good things but she was having such a negative impact on my life that it was the right thing to do

Never did it myself as I think it is a disgusting way to treat another human being. Has been done to me and it hurt me deeply at the time. Still dont know what I did to deserve it but I realise I am better off without her in my life.

No, not in a deliberate manner. Have drifted apart from some people obviously, but that was more mutual.

I have been ghosted by a lot of people, after I became a young mother (and my friends hadn't). That was pretty hurtful

Yes, ish.

She was once a very close long term friend, but has displayed some awful narcissistic manipulative behaving in later years & I'm no longer sure she was ever really my friend, I was just in a position to give her a job that was easy she's also a lazy bitch and a way into a social circle that she enjoyed boasting about & still does. Though these days my business was hers, people have even asked how long I worked for her & she added a made up business name of hers to a list of businesses in a wiki page & she dines out on complete & utter bullshit & I think her nasty PA behaviour stems from my knowing better. I also got fed up of her expecting me to mother her, which I fell into a bad habit of, as she was very young when we first met. Does bloody work in your 50s

I've been pleasant but distant when I've been in her company as we have a lot of mutual friends. I tried to drop her on Facebook a few years ago as I was fed up of reading her bullshit & attention seeking posts & following me around with subtly snipey posts under everything I wrote, but she kicked up a huge, poor little me stink & I ended up backing down. Unfortunately I'm know fir being pretty forthright with people who piss me off & she plays "poor sweet sensitive, wouldn't hurt a fly little M" to a tee, which I know for fact as complete bollocks, but sadly other friends don't. I have since dropped her again & ignored the bullshit game playing & other friends who got involved o her behalf were just told that I have my reasons & they are good reasons & I don't want to bitch about her as I didn't feel they're believe me anyway. Turned out one of them did believe me & has had similar behaviour from her themselves.

I ignore her texts & anything else now & I've noticed others starting to see how she really is. Group invites we're both party to will always have her straight in there using it as an opportunity for a pity party. Citing neck pain as a reason she might not make it, even though she really wants to - months in advance 😐. We all have health problems, most of us far worse off than her🙄

I do thankfully have one

Yes, I’ve done it to someone I’d known for over twenty years.

I have. A friend I met at university, we were in the same halls and lived together one year. After university ended it became more obvious we really didn’t have anything in common, with no uni life to discuss we struggled to make conversation. I also was the one doing all the initiating of contact. I ended up just not getting in touch again, to see if she contacted me. She didn’t, so I guess she felt the same way, the friendship had run out of steam.

Not 100% ignored but reduced contact by replying less frequently to texts, avoiding places I knew she'd be.

^This.

She was basically not a fun person to hang out with. Incredibly intense. Not good at reading social situations or vibes from other people. Not good at responding to direct comments either!

Lots of drama, talked over everyone, talked about herself and her problems exclusively. Not someone I enjoyed spending time with.

Personally I felt it was more two-faced to invite someone to a party or a meal, and then spend my entire time avoiding them.

Yeah I did it. She nicked £20 from me. No brainer really

I did with an old friend who I used to be close with. I was going through a lot of stuff with my family, was very ill when I was pregnant and then had a young baby so felt quite vulnerable. Through this my friend only was free to meet up 2 or 3 times a year despite living a 20 min drive away and me driving to her a lot of the time. She kept those meet ups fairly short by having some where else to be and never told me anything very personal it was all kept light. I felt so in need of real friends and she just wasn't there, I could barely count on a reply to a text let alone support. I felt that she wanted to keep me at a distance and it upset me as I needed real friends at that time and I'd only seen her once or twice over a really difficult year. She didn't do anything wrong I just felt hurt and didn't know how to say why are we not close any more and that I was having a hard time. I stopped responding and she sent me a few messages trying to arrange a meet up and asking if she'd upset me. My life is good now and I wish I'd handled it better and said explicitly that I was struggling but part of me thinks she seemed happy keeping me at arms length until I stopped going along with it. Maybe it's for the best as we had mismatched expectations. I miss her though.

Yes, I’ve done it twice, once to friends (a couple) and once to one of my sisters.

The reason I ghosted the friends was because I knew once they got married, our relationship would never be the same as they wanted children (something I and my DH don’t want). Both her and her DH were friends of mine before they were a couple and I was instrumental in them getting together because they’d both confided in me that they fancied each other. What I failed to see before this though was how controlling he was so once they did get together, he completely took over their relationship (she was actually very easy going and didn’t see the controlling aspect, although I did point it out to her) and I just knew once they got married and had kids my relationship with them would be over. The last time I saw them was their wedding day and after that neither of us contacted each other again. I am still FB friends with the guy (she has never been on FB) and they went on to have 2 kids. He seems to control everything about them too... 😕

My DSis I ended up ghosting because she became absolutely obsessed with money and I got fed up with her constantly dumping her kids on me when they were sick (which was a lot as they were all in primary school at the time) because she didn’t want to stay at home with them and lose the money from having to take a day off from her job! I would have understood if she actually needed the money but her DH is a higher earner and she didn’t actually need to work (not saying she shouldn’t have worked because she wanted to, but she shouldn’t have put her job before her kids)! I ended up moving house (not to get away from her) which seemed to put a metaphorical distance between us and we eventually just stopped contacting each other (she doesn’t have any contact with anyone else in my family, that’s another story). I miss my DN’s but her attitude to money started rubbing off on the eldest child and he too started becoming obsessed, to the point where he would discuss his parents dying and inheriting their house!

These were quite a few years ago now and I don’t miss any of them, which I know is sad to say but sometimes you have to do what is necessary to save your sanity when it comes to relationships in your life...

Another one made the DM

Yup. To a friend who I knew over 20 years.

Several other friends have done it too her as well. But the problem is never her, in her mind.
It's always us.
I tried to keep the friendship at a distance and just see her occasionally. But she still managed to fuck that up. She's getting worse as she gets older as well.

I cut her off finally and for good about 2 weeks ago and I never intend to go back.

Yes I have with 3 girls I grew up with. We were all really close, went to uni in the UK (different cities) but we visited constantly and even went on annual holidays together. All 3 of them moved back to our home country while I stayed in the UK as I'd met a British man who became my husband. Anytime I spoke to them it had to be initiated by me. Whenever I went home for the holidays they'd have grand plans to spend time with me but when it came down to it they'd cancel last minute or decide they can't be bothered and we'd just end up at a coffee shop. It got to the point where after they attended my wedding in the home country, they didn't try to contact me at all for over a year. I messaged them to tell them my brother had gotten engaged and got one word from 1 of them in our group chat. Congrats. Thats it. So I decided that they couldn't be bothered to put the effort in (I've known them since I was 6!) and I deleted them all off social media and haven't spoken to any of them since. My life has been fabulous without them and their constant drama and I don't feel pressured to catch up with people who claim to miss me but don't make an effort when I go back home.

Yes, so called good friend came to my wedding and proceeded to get pissed and make a complete fool of herself - made my guests feel very uncomfortable and tried to ruin it for my DSD by getting her DD to be mean to her...

The friendship was wholly one-sided and definitley wasn't worth trying to salvage

I do not regret ghosting her at all - she was a self-centred, spoilt nightmare of a person.

No, only cut people off after a row which was the final straw and concluding on balance I didn't want to try and keep the friendship.

I think it would be very cruel.

Once, someone I met at a baby group. she'd always stay for hours if invited round for coffee and I realised we had nothing in common. I tried meet less often, communicate less but she just wasn't getting it so I stopped replying to texts. Yes, I did feel bad but needed to do it for my own sanity.

I have, only once and a matter of weeks ago. She was full on, draining, everything was a competition and if I didn’t replyto a text within half an hour I would get a follow up “why you being funny with me???” Etc.

She was cheeky also expecting freebies from me (I do a craft which I sell) and moaning if I took too long with my “gifts” to her. Also thought nothing of telling me what I could get her twins for their birthday but when my baby’s birthday came round didn’t send so much as a card.

The list of things she did is endless actually and I only knew her for about a year.

Facebook status would change daily to things such as “looks like the trash took its self out hahah!” And I would never know if it was aimed at me or one of her other “friends” seeing as she fell out with everyone.

I waited til I moved to a new house in a new area and blocked her the same day. I told her I was moving to a completely different area so she wouldn’t be able to track me down - sounds extreme but honestly the anxiety being in contact with her gave me was crazy.

No regrets, just fear that one day I will bump into her..

I haven't ghosted anyone, but I did do the 'friendship breakup' chat instead. By text. It was very awkward. I couldn't face ghosting her because she had been ghosted before by other friends and I knew how much it confused and upset her. But I ended up saying stuff along the lines of 'im really sorry I just don't think we have anything in common any more' because I couldn't tell the whole truth which was that I just really couldn't stand her personality/attitude any more. She at least did then understand why she didn't get an invite to my wedding etc.

Yes to my best friend when we were 17. I'm not proud of it but I also don't regret it.

We'd become best friends in high school about year 9 I think. I was bullied and she was really lovely and fun, I don't know how I would of got through school without her tbh.

Then came college, went to two separate ones and things just changed.

She became the mean girl and just lost sense of who she was (bragged constantly about making a girl in her class cry because she had hairy legs) told me several times about the lecturers thinking she was a trouble maker and thinking it was an accomplishment. Her boyfriend wasn't very nice and neither was her new set of friends.

2 family members died in the same week and naturally I was heartbroken, her, her boyfriend and college friends started prank calling me on the day I learnt of the second family member.... from then on I just completely cut her off.

It all sounds immature writing it down like this but I'm glad she's out of my life.

I've never ghosted anyone but I've been ghosted. When I see her about we say hi and have a quick chat but that's as far as it goes. We were pretty much best friends, we would see each other everyday and I supported her when her dp left her for someone else when their baby was tiny. It hurt at first especially the not knowing why but I don't let it bother me now

I have once.

I had a friend who I used to go to gigs with and it always worked out that I was usually available to buy tickets etc when they went on sale so I'd buy for both of us and she always owed me money. She always said she'd pay me back when she got paid and then she'd buy a load of unnecessary stuff on pay day (video games, CDs etc) and she'd then ask if she could pay me back the following month. I just got fed up of it, I felt used, and once she'd finally paid all that she owed I cut all contact.

We'd been friends for around 20 years and I missed her.