To not take my high needs baby out?

[Jadefeather7]

I have a ‘high needs’ baby ie one who will fuss and cry and scream most of the time unless feeding or sleeping. He cannot be put down and mostly needs me to hold him closely and walk around with him (he often gets very upset if I sit still) He screams hysterically at normal everyday activities like nappy changes, dummy falling out, farting, being put in pram or car seat. It seems like a temperament issue to me and the HCPs that I’ve spoken to, rather than a medical one so there isn’t much we can do except for wait for him to hopefully grow out of it. As a result I rarely take him out any where. If I go for a walk he will usually start screaming in the pram after 5-10 minutes. I don’t take him to baby groups and I have been avoiding NCT meet-ups as well. He seems to get nothing out of it as he’s always upset and I get really anxious and just want to leave. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing though. Would you go out if your baby was crying and screaming most of the time?

Try different slugs and carriers. I had one which nearly broke my back with my first and didn't bother again. With my second I tried a different version (mothercare one) and it was fabulous, could walk for hours with no pain Nd the baby loved being in it and close. Not too hot either.

Do some reading on the three basic baby temperaments too. It sounds like you have a 'difficult' baby, v a slow to warm up or easy baby. Difficult babies are a lot more sensitive to experiences and changes and tend to react to new things negatively. That's not to say there might not be a medical issue, but some babies are just difficult because that's the way they are.

My DC2 was like this, she’s eight and still the most ‘high needs’ of my DC. She has calmed down an awful lot recently but crikey, at times it’s a wonder I even survived the day with her. She was like this from birth pretty much... Anxious is the word I would use. Had chronic separation anxiety for a good three years to the extent she would scream blue murder if anyone she didn’t know so much as looked at her. She used to scream if a dog walked by, scream at any flying insect or bird that passed by, screamed in public toilets. Public toilets were here nemesis actually, she once gave herself a UTI because I could not get her to go into a public loo whatsoever so she literally held the pee in for hours .

I have no idea why, always just put it down to her individual temperament. She’s still the most anxious of my DC now, worries about things that are just not going to happen. She also won’t lock a public toilet door still so I have to stand outside and hold the door for her.

Anyway. I wouldn’t avoid going out although I can see why it’s tempting. This stage will (or should) pass or at least get easier. I haven’t RTFT but have you tried a baby carrier? I always had DC2 in an ergo carrier, made life a little more bearable.

Gosh, I'd be out all the time with the unhappy baby. You wouldn't find me at home. It would do my head in to have to cope with a miserable baby on my own. The distraction of other people & places might help baby improve, but I'd neat the distraction badly for myself.

Sounds rough. I'm sure it's already been mentioned, but have you tried a sling? Be careful of staying in too much, you'll eventually lose any confidence and not go out at all.

Whatever works. It's early days op, plenty of time for groups etc later on

This is good advice.

One of mine was particularly bad in this respect. Not reflux so far as I knew but classic miserable "colicy" baby and it was hell. Positions which put pressure on his abdomen helped - lying on his front, being held from underneath etc.

He did improve when I cut all dairy out and then again significantly better after 12 weeks. It might be worth getting advice on a suitable dairy free formula for a trial period.

dont isolate yourself - go to groups if you feel the need op, hold it so he isnt crying, or someone else might hold him, good luck

He sounds exactly like my DC3. He had silent reflux and CMPA. He needs to be near you as he is sore and scared on his own. The sucking is the only thing that helps the pain. GPs in my experience are sometimes wary to prescribe, a paediatrician got us sorted straight away with ranitidine which was a game changer. The dosage is very weight sensitive though so if you do end up down that route bear that in mind. We needed the max dose to make any difference. I always wonder how HCPs can say it's not medical it's temperament? A baby cannot verbalise the pain they are in any other way than screams. The HV told me it wasn't CMPA. It absolutely was. It's so tough. Getting out saved my sanity, but it's personal choice. Take it one step at a time and see how things go. Good luck

There is 0 evidence that infacol, gripe water, colief etc do ANYTHING to ease reflux and colic. They are placebos at best.

Have you considered that you baby might have an allergy? My daughter was like this and it turned out she had a dairy allergy.

I could get my daughter to sit in the pram without crying until she was about 15 months old. Until then I took her everywhere in a sling. I know you say you have a bad back but I see so many people carrying babies in slings that are not correctly fitted or just not right for the shape of the person. Find your nearest sling library and try and few different styles and get someone to help you to fit them correctly.

I was going to say try a summer/light sling or carrier but I see you've tried the light caboo. Don't know if any other light one might be better.

You can now get lie flat car seats, in case it is being squashed up.

I second the investigation for allergies.

In terms of the main carrier, definitely worth trying a few for comfort - some people who tried my ergo commented on how comfy it was compared to others (and that was with a toddler).

There is 0 evidence that infacol, gripe water, colief etc do ANYTHING to ease reflux and colic. They are placebos at best.

I agree re the others but I thought colief was good for lactose issues - it breaks down lactose so there's much less for them to break down, which I thought was the reason it is believed some babies suffer colic in the first three months.

Ds had reflux and I realise that I did spend a lot of time moving while holding him. I remember a long time after he was mobile that one of my friends pointed out that when I was stood still not holding him I was rocking side to side out of habit.

My boy cried for eight months-he was medically fragile and had reflux-switching his formula to soy based helped some but he also had reflux. Hated his car seat. Worked out he only wanted to be held upright and looking over our shoulder so he could look around. One day he just started smiling and was happy. Don't know why but it was magical. (He did nap though)

Have you looked at dairy intolerance? Mines cried for about 6/7weeks hysterically and I wouldn't budge until I got it sorted. Switched to prescribed milk and like a new baby. Really feel for you 💐

All of my DCs have a dairy allergy but only one was 'high needs'.

My baby was like this and I so wish I’d stayed in and not put pressure on myself to be out and about.

It turned out to be a dairy allergy. Although she is still very high maintance! She’s just active and was an early crawler/ walker. She didn’t like being a baby but things are so much better now.

I’d invite people over for an hour instead. Don’t put pressure on yourself- left feeling flustered from my NCT gatherings and cried in the car while my baby screamed hysterically!

Wait till things calm down. you’re doing a great job.

Some sort of baby carrier might work. Mine didn’t like slings.
It would be good for both of you to get out a bit.

@Pinktinker that was my little daughter.
She loved the kitchen sink, as I mentioned, and also as a little baby lying under our big old tree looking up into the branches as the sun sparkled through, chirping at the birds . I have the sweetest memories of her, maybe because quiet times when she was enjoying herself stood out so much.

I always felt that the interludes when she was calm and happy were too important for both of us to attempt anything else (like trying to acclimatise her to the supermarket, etc).

YY to 'anxious'.

She didn't sleep through the night until 2.5 and cried hysterically when she started preschool at 4 (US). The lovely TA took her under her wing. DD was her 'little helper'. TA and I are still good friends, all these years later.

OP if your baby is formula fed, try another formula.

Mine were all breastfed and I learned with DC1 to avoid dairy myself.

OP poor you! Have you checked for tongue tue? The hospital dr missed it with DS but private breastfeeding advisor identified it straight away, made a huge difference as he wasn't getting enough milk. Good luck xx