To not take my high needs baby out?

[Jadefeather7]

I have a ‘high needs’ baby ie one who will fuss and cry and scream most of the time unless feeding or sleeping. He cannot be put down and mostly needs me to hold him closely and walk around with him (he often gets very upset if I sit still) He screams hysterically at normal everyday activities like nappy changes, dummy falling out, farting, being put in pram or car seat. It seems like a temperament issue to me and the HCPs that I’ve spoken to, rather than a medical one so there isn’t much we can do except for wait for him to hopefully grow out of it. As a result I rarely take him out any where. If I go for a walk he will usually start screaming in the pram after 5-10 minutes. I don’t take him to baby groups and I have been avoiding NCT meet-ups as well. He seems to get nothing out of it as he’s always upset and I get really anxious and just want to leave. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing though. Would you go out if your baby was crying and screaming most of the time?

I guess I’m just thinking I will be told it’s fourth trimester, he’s just clingy and wants to be close etc

So long as it’s a proper supportive sling that holds their legs in an ‘m’ shape it’s fine for their hips, it’s only the ones that are narrow between the legs that are harmful.

My son was like this, now at 2 he’s been diagnosed with an upper lip tie (now that it’s affecting his teeth) but they won’t do anything about it!

Oh please get hell and see a paediatrician!
For his sake, and yours! I am really sorry but at 2 months 1/2 4 hour stretch and then a 2-3 hour stretch is not a great sleep (quite common, but not great)

At that age, babies have 0 need for baby group - but after medical help, a baby massage class could also help.

I should clarify that’s a 4 hour stretch and 2-3 hour stretch at night (when I can sleep). In the day he naps a lot too but I can’t sleep then!

I had a high needs (silent reflux and milk allergy) screamy baby. I used to take her out a lot but sometimes i wish I hadn't! I remember one time driving a 5 min journey to a trial baby class and she was screaming, I was crying (I'm not usually a crier) and she screamed through the whole class anyway.

I think of you want to go out you should, but if you don't want to don't. I'm glad I went out quite a bit, despite the stress.

Have you got a good carrier for your back? My daughter liked being outwards facing (never tolerated inwards, ever) in an ergo 360 and it was better for my back than others. maybe you can borrow one to try out or buy second hand?

My DS has reflux, hated being put down for everything. I had to stand and rock him for him to settle. GP put him on reflux meds and he was like s new child. Might be worth speaking to your GP. Where abouts are you? If your local to me, I would quite happily come round for a cuppa :)

My DS was the same. Wasn't long after he had turned one and switched to cows milk I noticed he would cough and be sick a lot. He can't have cows milk now and I'm sure that's what the problem was since birth.

I could have written every word you have, except for the helpful family (it was just me and DH).

• Putting into the cot/pram/car seat - cue hysterical meltdown.
• Screaming and crying most of the waking hours.
• Particularly bad in the afternoon.
• Was okay with nappy changes mostly.

We ended up with a paediatrician who diagnosed reflux and the meds given were pretty strong. However a certain amount of it was temperament as DC was a fussy toddler too. but by 2-3, she was a complete sweetheart.

Hang in there - nothing needs to be done right now and survival is your aim.

You may feel robbed of the typical baby stage though.. I had that with my second and it was lovely - and also made me realize how hard my first experience had been.

@seven201 I was the same as you. Even if we both ended up home in tears, I was glad I went out as I needed that adult interaction.

And don’t be fobbed off by 4th trimester stuff. My second baby was a classic 4th trimester baby and was quite colicky at night happiest in the sling etc. But she only cries uncontrollably when she’s tired and is a happy little thing most of the time. Yours sounds very different and as I said before much more like babies I’ve known that had cmpa or reflux. I’ve known children become different babies once they stopped having dairy or on medication for reflux.

You sound like a fantastic mum to me. Yes he will grow out of it. He will no doubt be an easy toddler, once he can get around and communicate with you. This was absolutely the case with my very demanding baby. 💐

I think it's a good idea to go out to baby things with your bub, you will meet lots of people, most who are lovely, they wont be judging you at all and there may be some with some really good ideas/advice for you.

I would mention the behaviour to your health nurse too, you may well just have a clingy baby but it could be something more. My second was like that but it turned out that he likely had a constant string of ear infections, his first diagnosed one at 5 months resulted in a burst ear drum as I had no idea what was wrong with him :-(

Another saying don't be fobbed off by doctors saying it's just colic. I agree that they wouldn't just cry if something wasn't wrong. I was fobbed off a few times by GPs, finally found a sympathetic one who referred to dietitian and CMPA was confirmed within minutes. Such a relief!

DS was like this. We pinpointed various issues, and life got much better for him. He had a posterior tongue tie, a cows milk protein intolerance, and Autistic Spectrum Disorder. It took us until about 4 months to get to being happy more than crying. He's 3 now and is doing great.

Op I’m chiming in with the reflux chorus but can I ask what his nappies are like?
I ask because my ds had ‘breastfed baby poo’ as the health visitor described it. It was like constant diarrhoea. He was like your ds in that he screamed incessantly if he was put down.
He was diagnosed with reflux at 5 months- but I said to them he rarely brings anything up, it’s just from his bum. I was told reflux can go either way. I had no idea, had never heard of that. Incidentally I have ibs so maybe there’s a link?
He’s now 3 and still has many of the same type of nappies but it is less watery thank goodness. He’s been allergy tested and has one allergy but not something you introduce to a baby of yours age.

Good luck, I hope he feels better soon and you get to make some new friends with your babies in common

I had crying baby and there were certain foods I had to eliminate from my diet (I breastfed) because they made it worse for her - spinach and asparagus, for instance. Dairy was a fine. I mean, she still cried, but those foods made it so much worse.

She woke up on her 4 month "birthday" and it was all over. No more crying. Worst 4 months of our lives.

Definitely get your baby checked out by a paediatrician - then you'll know one way or another if theres anything you can do to soothe him.

I wouldn't write off baby groups etc - there was one baby at a group I went to who had colic, reflux, you name it and his mum was obviously having a hard time like you. Who ever had a free pair of arms because their baby was sleeping or was contented on a playmat would scoop him up and carry him round so she sometimes got a whole 2 hours off to get a coffee and a chat. If you find the right kind of people they could be really supportive.

He is only 2.5 months.
he is young. So you dont actually need to go out, unless you want to, and he is young for baby groups. Do you want to go to these?
does he never actually settle in a pram?

he will get better op

in my experience GPs are pretty relaxed about referrals if you say up front you want to go private so I would try to get one sorted in case the insurer asks.

@W0rriedMum Interesting that your little one was the same! Did you have any other symptoms other than crying? How much do you think he improved with meds? Thanks

Don't do anything you don't want to. DS was like that and at that age was happiest just being held and just before 3 months he started enjoying the playmat. I've just started taking him to baby groups at 8 months. I'm really enjoying it now and probably could have done it sooner (he was a lot more settled by maybe 5 months), but at 2-3 months I rarely took him out and when I did I would feel a bit traumatised by all the crying. It gets easier and just do what's best for you

To be honest I’m not too bothered about the baby groups. I’m hoping by six months he will be better so I can start them then. I feel a bit sad that I try to avoid seeing friends because it’s so stressful and also that I’m missing out on NCT get togethers

DD was like that, we eventually worked out at 4 months it was CMPA causing reflux (breastfed but reacting to traces of cow's milk from what I was having).

The car seat was pretty much the worst place to put her - I think the way they are curled up a bit in it must squash their tummy and set it off, she screamed hysterically all the time. Sucking definitely really helped her settle, although unfortunately she completely refused a dummy so it had to be me. Have you tried first line anti reflux medication like Gaviscon? It didn't help hugely but because it did help a bit if helped us work out reflux was the problem.

My DS had no reflux and was a bit of a limpet for the first 8 or 9 weeks but never screamed that much and then did start improving - so if it's not getting better at 2.5 months I think it is something more than just the 4th trimester.

Going out to groups and stuff is for your, at 2.5 months old he isn't getting anything out of it so do what keeps you sane. I had one like that and going out probably stopped me throwing her out the window some days so I went out. If staying in is better for you then stay in.

It does get better.

Lost

“High needs” is commonly used in this context both on MN and in real life.