To say postnatal wards are the least conducive environment for a mum/baby recovery

[cheesemumma]

Currently sitting on a ward at 11.30pm. 6th night. No exaggeration I think in total I must have had 4 hours sleep. My physical and mental health is suffering. I'm going to have to talk to the Drs tomorrow and say we're going home whatever, as we're getting more ill staying. Its not just the other selfish fucker couples that decide to talk on phone /watch films/ have conversations with each other but the staff seem to not give 2 shits it's the middle of the night. I realise my tiredness and hormones are a big contributing factor but I can feel a full tantrum /meltdown coming on. It's also 10000000 degrees and the enviable screaming babies plus the fact you get 3 teeny portions of food a day so I'm really hungry as ebf.

YANBU. I too have a post natal horror story after having ds2 by elcs. Noisy, selfish, inconsiderate people, not enough staff. On night 1 I still had catheter in and spinal block hadn't worn off. Ds had very poor suckle reflex so I was expressing colostrum in to a syringe and had to wait over an hour for them to bring me a syringe then when they did bring it I got told off for feeding it to him myself rather than wait for them to come and do it when he had already been waiting and hungry and crying for an hour. Day 2 the lady opposites partner arrived with 3 kids, he literally dropped them off with her and left for the day. They ran riot all day - no exaggeration - one kid about 5 years old was rummaging through my bag at one point and stealing my snacks. When the husband did come back he was was horrendous. I had the curtain as closed as I could get it, but he sat on a sofa by the window leant right back watching me try to breast feed ds. Another lady "reported" me to midwifes night 2 because ds was crying and woke up her baby. He had been kept awake all day by her kids, noisy phone calls and her tv on full volume and we didn't complain. Worst 3 days 2 nights of my life, I've never felt so lonely, anxious and stressed, and unsupported.

Sorry if it's already been mentioned @cheesemumma but ask if your hospital has any supplementary nursing systems you could try? It's basically a small tube that is taped to your nipple leading to a container of formula that usually rests around your shoulder. Means baby is still breastfeeding, this stimulating your supply but also getting some complement formula alongside.

Our Trust is BFI Level 3 I think so may not be universally offered everywhere.
If the postnatal wars or NICU have an infant feeding coordinator ask to speak to them xx

Ps sorry you're going through such a rough time. Please contact your local PALS department regarding the attitudes you've faced xx

So glad to hear you are in a better place now op.

The worrying thing is that so often we are told that midwives are post graduate professionals. It is more than a little concerning that they do not behave like post grad professionals.

I can still hear the nasty midwife telling me off for bleeding onto the sheet rather than the mat thing. Rough and heavy handed. And that was after a midwife had said three times the baby's heartbeat was dipping due to a faulty belt and hoiked it up again. The third time thankfully dh opened the door and blasted I want a Dr in here right now. The head midwife appeared abd hit the emergency button. Baby was in serious trouble with the cord wrapped around his neck. The room filled with people and they had to cut the cord before he was born. I was given one more push as the surgeon got the forceps out and thankfully the baby was born. I shall never forget the strength I found to do it. They had also missed the fact the baby was posterior and that was why I had been in so much pain - no contractions - just a continuous wall of pain for 8 hours. When I was 1cm midwife actually stood over me and laughed saying if you can't cope now God help you when you're actually in labour.

Baby was quite poorly and they were worried about him. All was well after a night in SCBU. Interestingly the director of midwives came to see me the following morning, told me how well I had done and elicited my agreement that I'd had good care.

Then the hell of postnatal midwives at home started. Two good ones, one who was just plain rough and one who was useless. And I felt for a longtime that I had birthed successfully because I escaped the forceps and stitches. 6-8 weeks later the prozac really started helping.

With all the antenatal scans now given I really don't understand why women aren't scanned in early labour to check cord and presentation. In my experience midwives really aren't good at telling by palpation.

YANBU. The best experience I had was following an ELCS. They only kept me in one night which was fantastic and I was on a tiny ward with only one other Mother.

I refused to stay overnight after DC3 was born, discharged myself. Had such a bad experience staying after DC1&2 were born, I just wouldn’t put myself through it again.

I had an emergency forceps delivery with DC1 under spinal so I could not physically move at first to pick him up. He was obviously also my first baby so had no idea what I was doing. I had to keep ringing the buzzer during the night for a midwife to help and sometimes they’d take forever to come. I felt so helpless that in the end I stopped putting DS back in his cot and just sat up with him on my chest all night. It saved me leaving him crying whilst I frantically called for a midwife who wouldn’t come anyway. Then a midwife eventually came and told me off for holding him too much. I also got told off for drinking fresh OJ because it might be giving DS stomach ache .

I hated it. I hated the Mother in the bay facing me too. She kept leaving her newborn alone so she could go outside to smoke. She also hadn’t brought any nappies for her baby so had to keep asking for them, eventually they told her someone had to bring her some. Her boyfriend came back with toddler sized ones...

The saddest thing is that when I recovered I did kick up a stink and got myself on the local MSLC. Dealing with the profs face to face was v hard because everything they presented was like the Blue Peter prototype - perfect and unlike the creations that were the reality. Worse were the nct reps who were sycophantic beyond belief and focussed only on breastfeeding and keeping drs away from birth.

I'm amazed so many women are graciously allowed to stay (note my sarcasm before anyone kicks off) ...I was made to feel guilty for still daring to be there an hour and a half after giving birth. And sent straight home at midnight

My second time wasn't so bad. I'd survived the first experience, stocked up with half a supermarket of food because I knew it would be starvation rations and it was only 36 hours following 3rd degree tear. I got lucky on the ward not being too busy either.

First time was horrendous.
Horrid pregnancy being near housebound with SPD plus carpal tunnel syndrome. I hadn't had more than an hour's block of sleep for months from pelvic pain/ dead arms. Not a great starting point for a 40 hour labour including all nighter on labour ward polished off with EMCS after 2 hours of pushing. I ended up spending the first day and a half on HDU which was calm, quiet and restful. I had support in trying to get some kind of milk, any kind of milk by a variety of means into my exhausted baby with low blood sugar.

At midnight just as I was settling off to sleep, I got transferred/ dumped into antenatal ward to release the HDU MW as it was so busy. (A few days later an MW said they were running at 14:1). I literally hadn't stood on my own two feet in days, and was barely capable of doing it before going into hospital and major surgery and improperly functioning organs.

I still had the catheter in. I did manage to argue to get my breakfast bought to me the first day after aguing that I hadn't managed to walk 100m for months, let alone manage to deal with holding a catheter bag, baby and food.

I couldn't work out how to turn the TV off so had constant blue light shining in my face day and night.

There was no point in attempting to press the buzzer. No one was coming. The thing kept falling behind the bed anyway.

I dropped my baby on his head while trying to lower him into the crib when my strength gave out. I actually wasn't strong enough to carry him downstairs myself for 3 weeks as I needed both hands to stabilise myself.

The nights were so, so long and desperately lonely. One mum kindly helped comfort DS in the early hours when I was sobbing. DS had to be disturbed every 3 hours to check his blood sugars, and it was so difficult to rest in between the next disturbance.

I estimate food to be about 1500 calories. I wonder why my milk didn't come in for over a week... Main meal was at lunch, a sandwich at 5pm then nothing until 8am. By 9pm my stomach thought my throat had been cut... not conducive to rest or healing from major surgery, blood loss and a long labour with no food for 24 hours.

Too busy. Too noisy. Too hot. Too bright.

On day 4 a MW opened the curtains, exclaimed "you're still here! We're going to get you home today" and set about her mission. My BP was still high, but clearly wasn't going to go down in that environment. That day 1:8 felt fairly calm to the pre-Christmas surge of 1:14 from a few days earlier. The same staff were much nicer, because they had the time for some conversation and to be human.

For so much of my labour/ post-birth experience I felt like an overlooked piece of meat.

The final hurdle was getting out. I was told that if I needed a wheelchair, then I wasn't fit enough and needed to stay in, no matter that it had been about 3-4 months since my pelvis had let me go so far. So off I shuffled a few steps at a time.

I remember sobbing in the car on the way home feeling totally emptied.

It still wasn't easy at home, but DH was there for support. The lights could go out. The heating was comfortable. I could get in and out of bed. The food was good.

If I'd gone straight to post-natal instead of HDU, we wouldn't have made it past the first week of BFing, let alone made it to 13m as I wouldn't have had the techniques we needed to keep going until the milk came in. Just as well as DS had CMPA which didn't become apparent until weaning and he would have had a very difficult time on standard formula.

Haven’t RTFT but this is why I’m so relieved I’ll be giving birth for the first time in a hospital that only has private rooms- no postnatal ward nightmare. Not sure I’d be able to handle it to be honest so all respect to those that have!

@cheesemumma glad you have someone looking after you. Just watch with being discharged as you won't be a patient anymore and won't get any pain relief prescribed. If you need paracetamol then someone will need to bring it in for you. You should get fed but that's it.

When I gave
Birth to second son I was told that midwives are advised not to help the new mothers too much as they are not ill .... as a second time Mum I was more confident .. as a first time mum I was terrified before during and after the birth .... there are some lovely ones and some plain bitchy ones ... with my first when blood was taken from his foot and I was getting upset as he was screaming I was shouted at (in 1987 ) and and asked very curtly “ do you want your baby to have brain damage “!! I was utterly upset and bewildered at her attitude and she was pregnant herself too ....
I understood the blood had to be taken for the routine tests but as a new post natally Mum it was all very overwhelming

I slept two hours from emergency section in early hours of Sat to going home on Weds night. I was falling asleep with my eyes open and terrified I was going to drop my baby. My whole body was jerking constantly, the way it does when you're dropping off to sleep. I demanded to be discharged at 10.30pm when my baby's jaundice bloods came back fine even though they suggested we stay another night as it was late. Not a bloody chance. I was out of there.

I feel for you op.
I was lucky to have my first child mid winter so at least I wasn't being boiled alive. One of the doctors wanted me to be kept in longer as I'd initially struggled to get ds1 feeding so he had a brief low blood sugar reading.
The midwife (love this woman) said I'd been there long enough and didn't see the point in doing even more tests on what was "clearly a perfectly healthy baby'. So I was let out early. He's 8 now and one low blood sugar reading clearly hasn't harmed him.
My second was a march baby and there was an unusual warm snap. The hospital was baking. Also ds2 was 4 weeks early and we were both very sick with infections. So we were staying.
All the staff on the ward were complaining about the heat. I managed to commandeer two fans. One nurse fainted. Still maintenance wouldn't turn the heating off. Couldn't turn it down, it was on or off.
I got lucky as my baby spent 24 hours in special care I was given a side room as the nurse looking after me didn't think it was fair I should be surrounded by babies whilst mine was away.
Still baking hot though. However access to my own loo and shower meant I got mobile after my C-section much sooner than I would have done on the ward.
Ds2 came back to me (left special care early as he just wouldn't stop crying) and we had five days of being too bloody warm.
All maternity services need patients in private rooms. Would be great if every hospital patient could have that.

God no YADNBU - for all reasons given above I couldn't fucking wait to get home. After dc1 I thought I was in some sort of hallucinatory hell, noise, the shakes, the heat, selfish gits yapping etc, zero hours sleep. I had an awful time establishing breast feeding. They wouldn't let me leave until I'd got it working which meant 4 nights on the ward I was hanging on by a thread at this point. My anxiety was sky high and I would put my first few months struggles down to this toxic environment.
With dc2 I already planned one night only to save my sanity. No fucking way was I going through that again.

to you OP - I remember it well

I am shocked and saddened to read some your stories. Some of the poor advice some of you have had while on the postnatal ward is beyond words. How things have changed. I had my children in the early 80s and 90s and had amazing care. Sadly, these days the postnatal care just is not there in the hospital environment. I am a newborn care specialist (maternity nurse). Postnatal care in your own home immediately after childbirth in the UK is only available to families who can afford a private maternity nurse, whereas in countries like Holland a postnatal carer/maternity nurse is standard after a mum gives birth and a service provided free of charge.
My own daughter gave birth nearly 5 years ago, she was put in a side room, more part of the corridor than a ward or private room, as she said she didn't want to stay in for long. She was left there all night, after a traumatic birth, and no one even looked on on her and baby. At 6am she rang her husband and begged him to come and bring them home, which he did! I stayed with them for 10 days to give them the support they needed and what should be provided for all new mums. It's just not right.

Mine were born in 1994 and 1998 fabulousfifties. I think postnatally it was better but my first birth and the community midwives at home were disgraceful.

I had a private room and simply can't imagine what a horror show a ward full of new babies and parents would have been. It was difficult and stressful enough as it was, but other people's babies kicking off and other people swarming in and out would have probably finished me off. YANBU.

I dunno about this I loved the stay in hospital I felt safe and like I was in the best place I was bored waiting for labour to start but my hospital is really good for a zero tolerance to noise on the maternity wards no visitors after 8, no loud noises and if you want to watch tv use your headphones it's lovely

Like others here YANBU

They are awful! When my husband came he made said if men gave birth, these wards would be ten times better. Unfortunately, I think there's an element of truth in that.

God it’s awful isn’t it, you have my sympathies.

I only found out I’d have to stay on a ward rather than my requested (paid for) side room as they wheeled me in with my baby at 2am and said because I’d had an epidural I had to be on the main ward. 15 minutes later my husband got chucked out because no men are allowed overnight.

So all of a sudden I was unexpectedly on my own with an hours old baby, unable to move to tend to her until the epidural wore off. She screamed and screamed and there was nothing I could do, awful. Let alone feeling conscious of her keeping the other poor Mums awake.

The next day I kept asking when I could go, kept pushing until eventually they signed my paperwork at lunchtime and getting out of there was nearly as much a relief as getting the baby out. I really really feel for those that have to stay in longer when you just want to get home.

I really hope you’re discharged soon

Ya so nbu op, it sounds like you have had a horrendous time. My time on the postnatal ward after ds was born was mercifully short, about 14 hours I think. And partners were only allowed 10am - 8pm, not overnight. Even so it was loud, chaotic and the options were curtains closed and claustrophobia or curtains open and no privacy. The bays were so small it felt like with the curtains shut the walls were closing in, plus you could hear all the noise and have no idea where it was coming from, very disorienting. There seemed to be so many people too. And no peace. Between checking on me, checking on baby, the bounty woman, orderlies and porters, it felt incredibly busy at a time when my head was spinning from 4 days of labour and no sleep. I only slept when my dh came back and basically stood guard, he fielded nurses who wanted to prod me, and insisted they let me sleep for a few hours in the day.

By contrast I got moved back to the midwife unit for my second night, and it was bliss in comparison. Only one other person on the ward, tea and toast whenever I wanted it, and the most lovely student midwife who sat with me at 3am when I was struggling with feeding. She made a tough night so much better. I'm consultant led this time for various risk factors and I'm dreading the post natal ward.

Totally agree. We paid for a private room which was a lot better. I think everyone should be able to have their own room

I was on a ward for 6 weeks and I swear it made me more ill and my emotional health suffered. They are hellish places honestly and I wish I'd just checked myself out.

We’re going backwards. The stories here fill me with horror.

My son was born in 1975, a normal vaginal birth. We stayed for a week and the babies went into the nursery at night. Fathers were allowed at visiting time only, which was an hour in the afternoon and an hour at night. All meals were brought to the ward. We were encouraged to have salt baths - good for stitches - which were run for us. I went home rested with the baby in an established routine.

These wards sound like a circle of hell. Who wants strange men around 24/7? Why don’t they send the buggers home? No wonder people with new babies these days don’t want any visitors, it must take weeks to recover from the ordeal.

If men were the ones giving birth, postnatal wards would be like luxury hotels.