Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say postnatal wards are the least conducive environment for a mum/baby recovery

380 replies

cheesemumma · 05/07/2019 23:37

Currently sitting on a ward at 11.30pm. 6th night. No exaggeration I think in total I must have had 4 hours sleep. My physical and mental health is suffering. I'm going to have to talk to the Drs tomorrow and say we're going home whatever, as we're getting more ill staying. Its not just the other selfish fucker couples that decide to talk on phone /watch films/ have conversations with each other but the staff seem to not give 2 shits it's the middle of the night. I realise my tiredness and hormones are a big contributing factor but I can feel a full tantrum /meltdown coming on. It's also 10000000 degrees and the enviable screaming babies plus the fact you get 3 teeny portions of food a day so I'm really hungry as ebf.

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 06/07/2019 09:24

In one night, cramped, constant noise, staff had zero consideration, no sleep, wouldn't give us private room on first night (only wanted it because one baby, have no idea why, screamed incessantly for the entire time) ... Did everything I could to get you leave the next day (would've paid to leave at that point) in spite of caesarian.

Been told on Germany women stay in for 5 days after caesarian - I was out in less than 24 hours and practically ran out the door.

Moralitym1n1 · 06/07/2019 09:25

(as much as I could with a caesarian wound).

forevercurious · 06/07/2019 09:25

I’m pregnant with my first and reading this is horrifying but it’s helpful to have realistic expectations of what to expect. I shall be chatting to my midwife regarding not staying in hospital afterwards and will be mentally prepared to fight my case about being discharged if it becomes necessary!

Doryhunky · 06/07/2019 09:28

Some of this isn’t even about money. They need to limit visitors and enforce rules on noise.

OhTheRoses · 06/07/2019 09:30

I had a much betyer time with my dd. By then I had learnt the ropes and was very assertive. I also had consultant led care which made a huge difference. When I asked questions I got answers and made it crystal clear I would only accept a vaginal borth if managed by experienced, kind and competent midwives. Was induced in the end and refused my waters beinv broken because the registrar who came to do it was an arrogant git who whose response to a question was "so you think you know more abpit this than me". So I told him to leave. Not much was happening so they wanted to start the oxytocin drip which I agreed to but only if the epidural was in first. Waters broke naturally waiting for the anaesthetist and contractions started aa epidural put in - oxtocin never was turned on. Midwife examined me and I was maybe half a cm. An hour later I wanted to push and was told I just needed a poo. Head midwife arrived, lifted covers and told the poo midwife to get a birthing pack NOW. Baby arrived 90 mins later, 8lb 13oz, no stitches. Having an experienced and competent mixwife made all the differwnce but to be fair the other one stayed and was actually v kind and gave me a bedbath afted the baby was born. That felt incredibly kind and was done in a very dignified way.

I did have to put my foot down though and equally did so vis a vis the home visits afterwards when I insisted on seeing no more than two midwives. For my first baby who nearly died in labour due to incompetence I saw a total of 37 diffefent hcps throughout pg and the postpartum period. For dd I saw a total of 7. It made a qorld of difference.

cheesemumma · 06/07/2019 09:35

An angel nurse has come and is sorting it. She's trying to get me discharged and the dd admitted to nicu where we'll have our own room. Allowed. Trip out in pram. Dh arrive in. Bit. I'll feed, shower, move and sleep and hope all will be OK.

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 06/07/2019 09:36

There was one kind, reassuring, older Caribbean nurse/midwife during the night who stood out.

The rest of it - felt like complaining - but they really benefit from how exhausted, distracted and all over the place you are after the birth (and for weeks afterward) because (if you're like me) you don't.

And I didn't even have horrible birth experiences beforehand because I had a caesarian.

I did notice however that while during the caesarian they communicate with you, afterward - while stitching you up - they act like you're a piece of meat/inanimate and talk over you about their lives. I felt like the baby was out, I was now irrelevant and was just a clean up task.

2eternities · 06/07/2019 09:36

I've never stayed the night after birth, either in hospital or the birth centre even though they suggested it. Over zealous, interfering midwives and the fact they starve you in the NHS makes it a no no for me. I understand some people have to, man that sucks hospitals are such noisy placed when I had my ectopic and had to stay the night I barely slept cos of the noise. It was so depressing I couldn't wait to go home.

Moralitym1n1 · 06/07/2019 09:37

Op so glad to hear that.

There's always one or two good eggs and I feel so sorry for them, having to work with the rest of them.

OhTheRoses · 06/07/2019 09:38

Programmes like one born every minute really don't help.

Women really need to start kicking up a fuss about what is not acceptable and stop being grateful for sub optimal care.

Moralitym1n1 · 06/07/2019 09:39

Also I had one night of that lack of sleep, noise - and alongside pain medication and post birth hormones I felt like shit and all over the place; four nights of it .. you poor thing.

Moralitym1n1 · 06/07/2019 09:41

Over zealous, interfering midwives

Do you mean during the birth?

Cause most of the midwives on our ward couldn't seem to tear themselves away from chatting at the nurses station.

SinkGirl · 06/07/2019 09:43

That will make such a difference OP. My twins were in nicu (for a long time) - meant I was discharged within 48 hours which I’m very grateful for as the transitional care unit is hideous.

2eternities · 06/07/2019 09:46

'men wandering around everywhere'

This makes me so angry, no woman in the vulnerable state of having just gave birth should have to deal with strange men invading their space, no consideration whatsoever!! Thank god I was in my own room both times and went home before i got forced to be around other people in my worst ever state. Words fail me!!

StinkinDrink · 06/07/2019 09:49

Reading these has made me feel really lucky for my experience, I'm not bragging or rubbing it in just giving another experience for any expectant mums...

The hospital I gave birth in (newly built I might add) had completely private rooms, no charge, no sharing with anyone, private bathroom and a recliner chair if partners wished to stay. Midwives would burst in every few hours for observations but it was nice and private and relatively quiet. It's a shame this couldnt be a nationwide standard.

Sorry to everyone who has had such an awful post natal experience, I do feel extremely lucky for mine now.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 06/07/2019 09:51

Oh good! You're welcome cheesemumma Just get the fuck out of that hell hole as quickly as you (safely obviously) canGrin

dalecooperscoffeecup · 06/07/2019 09:51

YANBU OP. I hope the move happens quickly (and you absolutely haven't failed BTW).

My whole birth experience was a shit show. A couple of the midwives on the PN ward were wonderful, and dealt with my delirious babbling very kindly. I was put in the transitional care bay after my emergency CS as it was the only bed available on the ward. I clearly remember the NICU nurse offering to make the other three mums a hot drink and ignoring me because I wasn't one of her patients. After everything else I'd been through, it really was the cherry on the cake.

Gracie300 · 06/07/2019 09:52

The heat in those places is ridiculous. I hadn’t to stay 3 nights with DD1, but only a few hours with DD2. Nearly cried when they said I could go!

Troels · 06/07/2019 09:52

Bloody hell, reading these I'm so glad I never delivered my lot in UK. It all sounds barbaric. Post delivery you need clam and rest and yet they are letting these wards be the complete opposite.
I hope you get home to some peace and quiet and lots of food soon OP.

WalkAwaySugarbear · 06/07/2019 09:53

I insisted on going home within 12hrs of giving birth with both of mine as there was no way I was staying in. They tried to keep me in to recover for an extra night or too but the noise, heat, interruptions on the ward were too much to bear.
I loved getting home and having a proper shower (without flip flops on) and snuggling in my own bed with my newborns.

2eternities · 06/07/2019 09:54

Mortality no after the first time me and DP were only very early 20s and they kept insisting I had social services involvement when I definitely didn't, no apology when they were proven wrong and I was absolutely terrified my baby was going to be removed from what they were saying. Then they won't leave you to make your own feeding decisions etc they tried on both times to make me stay in for the night not a bloody chance. My first experience was tarnished by them Falsley claiming I Had social services involvement il never use that hospital again that's for sure (royal Oldham)

Babdoc · 06/07/2019 09:54

I went home six hours post delivery after both my babies, purely to avoid being on a post natal ward!
DD2 was in intensive care for a week, but I went in to visit her from home.
As it was doubtful whether she’d survive, the staff kindly kept me alone in my labour suite room for six hours, rather than send me to a ward full of other women’s live babies.
I’m autistic, and the noise and bright lights would have induced rapid meltdown, even without the stress of DD2’s near death. (Thankfully, the crash team and SCBU did a sterling job, and DD2 has since graduated uni, and travelled the world.)

firstimemamma · 06/07/2019 09:59

YANBU.

I didn't enjoy my one-night stay either. Neither one of us got any sleep and we got pounced on by a bounty lady! Couldn't wait to get home.

Lovelylondon1989 · 06/07/2019 10:24

Hi everyone. I work in a maternity ward. I will give you all some information for any women who are having babies in future. So the antenatal/postnatal ward is usually 4 women in a bay and minimum 4 babies if postnatal. Also one birth partner 24hrs and can stay the night. They are also allowed another visitor during visiting times however these rules are always broken and the staff do not care. Most beds have 4 visitors and children running around. When you try to explain about the visiting times you get abused verbally and they actually refuse to leave. Im not allowed to call security the midwife in charge would go mad at me so it’s better to report it to the the midwife of that bed, however they do nothing about it. They are too busy to care how many visitors there are. I could call security 100 times a week over small things. But we rarely do. We are 99.9% women staff on the ward and the men love to intimidate us. So if the visitors don’t want to leave we can’t force them.

Il be honest there are a handful of staff who are very good with visitors and really do follow the rules however it depends who is on shift that day. You have husbands who are very threatening and get in your face and follow you around trying to continue the abuse. You have to try and remain professional because the bosses only really care about the patient when it comes to complaints. The only time you will see the head of midwifery or the matron is when something serious happens and they get off their lazy arses out of their office. The CQC visits are fabricated to make the ward look perfect. We are told in advance when they are visiting so we have time to prepare. When questioned by the inspectors the head of department is there so you can’t exactly tell the inspector the truth, she is expecting you to give positive feedback about working there. We all would like to tell the truth about how the patients and staff are being let down but there is no one to complain to.

So in regards to staffing and food and supplying formula etc... one midwife has 8 women minimum and 8 babies. She works 13 hour shifts. You are expected to collect your own food. Ive petitioned for this to be changed and I’ve been told that these women aren’t ill. But that doesn’t explain how they have c sections, numb legs, baby feeding, vagina in pieces, dizzy, bleeding... not allowed to bring the baby up to get food but if you leave the baby alone you are scared it will cry and cry. Each staff member has their own view. Some staff try to help and try to deliver food to the women especially if they cannot move then obviously we have to deliver. Some staff have an awful attitude. Complain complain complain trust me we probably agree with you about that member of staff.
Staff complain about other staff and bullying constantly but nothing is ever done however if a patient complains especially to the head or to pals they will listen.

The portions are very small however most staff order extra food so they can give a bit more. Sometimes the catering get it wrong and patients are left with shit options and the ward staff get the blame. Toast and cereal is always available and biscuits tea coffee etc. Ask a staff member to get you some! Demand, say you know it’s in the kitchen so get me something or I want to speak to the midwife in charge, not the ward midwife but the matron or who ever is in charge over night they will bleep them.

Supplies- this is probably the worst issue as each ward has a certain amount of stuff they are allowed. If there is a theatre or a&e or icu then they will have loads. But the maternity ward doesn’t get enough supplies. We have to borrow from other wards however they don’t like to share. So we argue constantly with the supply team who are selfish nasty people. They do not care if a patient goes without! They think they are paying for it out of their own money. Im referring to medical stock and lifesaving items. We basically take from other wards to tide us over.

Bullying has become a daily thing. I come home from work crying and so do my colleagues. People in the nhs are very controlling and power hungry. Everyone thinks they are a manager. Cleaners shout at senior staff and are very territorial. They argue in the corridors. Healthcare assistants are the same and they will not be told what to do by anyone. No matter how many official complaints you put in they think they are untouchable. Nurses and midwives are a bit more professional however some of them are bully's. The ones on my ward are responsible for patients say 8 per shift. If you alert a midwife that her patient is having a problem they genuinely don’t respond. You can’t help because you have your own 8 women to deal with. Managers see things and ignore because they don’t want to confront a bully. A band 8 midwife will brush things under the carpet because a band 2 member of staff is intimidating. The band 8 is senior management and has authority over everything and is too scared to manage their staff.

Staff eat all the food in the ward! This is a big problem and they are selfish when it comes to it. I’ve seen this behaviour for years. The place isn’t clean also...

The reason they let partners stay is because then the staff don’t have to do as much work. I feel sorry for my colleagues as they have so much to juggle including medications and making sure they haven’t made life changing mistakes. Doctors only come around in the morning for rounds. We never know what time unfortunately we only know that it’s after handover.

A positive: when we have a lovely patient it helps us go the extra mile. I’ve done things that I really didn’t have to do for mums because I genuinely wanted to help them and I could see that the ward was so busy they were being left alone crying etc. We do love our jobs I promise and we love mums and babies. The issues I've highlighted above are due to the staff we have to endure and the lack of management and funding and staff levels. The other issue is men on the ward they are very intimidating. The actual patients are fine, they are very sweet and they are looking at you for help support and trust. They are in an environment totally new some of them and they are tired and in pain. They don’t want to ask for a lot usually. They are genuinely lovely patients most of the time. But we do find that the partners are the ones who are demanding and rude.

This is all of our opinions that we chat about daily at work during our lunch breaks. Im voicing it down so that it might hopefully change something...

IMPORTANT: We will sometimes look after your babies 👶🏼😀 just explain that you need to have sleep or head somewhere important and we will try to keep the baby with us by the computer while we do our documentation. Fingers crossed you get a new or student midwife who loves cuddles. Our students are so lovely honestly. They are positive and want to learn. They don’t have as much responsibility so they tend to have a bit more patience and understanding. We have a specialist feeding midwife as well and she is hands down the best thing about the ward. She is lovely! Genuinely caring and will give you her time. Ask for one of them and she has volunteers to help too. Also if you find your neighbors are being noisy ask if the ward isn’t busy can one of you be moved to a different bay. It shouldn’t be a problem if there are empty beds around your area.

If you have any problems during your stay ask for the person in charge immediately. I guarantee if my manager saw a woman asking for something she would tell us to do it. The staff are banking on the fact that you don’t know that. They think you won’t ask for the manager but if you do I promise the attitude will change. Also leave all feedback on the forms, website and pals. We read all of them!! 😊😊 thank you for reading

Lovelylondon1989 · 06/07/2019 10:26

Also bounty!!! They shouldn’t be allowed on the ward. They are only selling stuff as they work on commission. Why the hell would I want to spend £100’s on photos when I’ve just come out if surgery. I really don’t see the point in them...

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.