Women who forget not everyone has access to money from men

[windygallows]

With 34.5% of the population aged over 16 in England ‘single and not cohabiting’ (2015 stats), it’s clear that a significant number of women in the UK, many parents, are single and having to fend for themselves/live on one income.

Yet I'm amazed at the number of women who forget that not every woman has access to a second income from a partner. In fact the privilege of having access to another’s (usually a man’s) income is often naturalized and many women are, or become, totally oblivious to this privilege.

For example just this last week I experienced:

• A woman at work going on and on about the importance of her life/work balance and suggesting I drop my hours to have similar. She works just 2 days/week and seems to forget that such a setup is an absolute privilege, thanks to a husband who works FT.

• Another woman I know who is on quite a low salary bragging about her 3 luxury holidays per year, again thanks to the income from an IT Director husband. She thought she'd give me travel tips in case I wanted to go to the same 5star holiday.

There are a million reasons why women might have to rely on men’s income but I don’t think I ABU in asking women to recognize that their lifestyle and having access to men’s money isn’t the NORM for up to 1/3 of women, who are having to get by on their own accord and lack the same privilege or financial flexibility.

I think they’re just bragging (if they are, that is disgusting) - or they’re delusional.
I am very lucky to be married to a man who earns more than me and we have a better lifestyle than I could have by myself, but grew up with a single mum so know how hard it can be.
Just ignore them OP.

But the other side of the coin is that we have independence and self respect. You can’t buy those. It’s annoying but you really can’t let stuff like this get to you.

Relying financially on a man isn't privilege, but total and utter naivety. It's blind foolishness.

Pity them, their chickens sadly, statistically, will come in to roost at some point in the future - most likely when they are too old to easily recover their life.

I think it's totally normal for most married couples to pool their money so in that instance, yabu. It's not 'the mans' money. It is the family money.

For you to try and classify it as such (the 'man's' money) basically you're saying that the woman's contribution to their household, life admin, child rearing is not worth anything.

Huh?

I am married, I don't have 'access to a man's money' in fact I earn more than him.

Relationships are usually partnerships, not rich man and gold digger... This seems really old fashioned.

I don't know any women who gave up work or went part time before kids, kids in the mix means difficult decisions and yes it's usually the woman who steps back from work, the reasons are another conversation, but they are generally aware that they aren't earning as much money as they did!

I know where you are coming from - I work in an admin role with a few women whose husbands have good jobs, and some of them do seem to forget that we don’t get paid enough to afford exotic holidays and expensive cars, and have made thoughtless comments to others.

But the other side of the coin is that we have independence and self respect. You can’t buy those. It’s annoying but you really can’t let stuff like this get to you.

How disgusting. What makes you think I lack self-respect because my husband works and I don’t? Perhaps what you mean is I should lack self-respect? Well, I don’t.

Tallgreen I'm not saying that a woman's contribution to the hhld isn't important and we can go on about the semantics of whose money it is, whether it's the husband's money because it's from his paycheck/salary or the family's money because that's how it is seen legally (assuming marriage).

It's more than so many women just ASSUME that all women have access to someone else's income and take for granted that it is the norm.

Getting the popcorn out on this one...

I think also I'm trying to acknowledge how much more easy life is for women if they have access to men's income, especially as men on average, make more than women.

I don’t think I ABU in asking women to recognize that their lifestyle and having access to men’s money isn’t the NORM for up to 1/3 of women

YABU and very sexist to want to ‘ask women to recognise’ this. Plenty of men benefit from having access to a partner’s income.

Of course most ‘women’ realise 2 incomes are better than 1, its hardly rocket science.

But the other side of the coin is that we have independence and self respect.

ODFOD. Just because I earn less than my husband doesn’t mean I’m financially dependent on him and have no self respect. What about SAHMs? Are they completely devoid of any respect in your prejudiced eyes?

I think also I'm trying to acknowledge how much more easy life is for women if they have access to men's income, especially as men on average, make more than women.

So? If I and my husband decide to arrange our finances in X way, what does that have to do with anyone else? Whose arse should I be kissing to justify our private decision-making?

There are a lot of people cohabiting with men who are not on directors salaries and are just scraping by with two minimum wage incomes. I think the sad thing in your observation is that the earning capacity of a woman is assumed (statistically correctly) to be less than a mans.

work in an admin role with a few women whose husbands have good jobs, and some of them do seem to forget that we don’t get paid enough to afford exotic holidays and expensive cars, and have made thoughtless comments to others. Do you mean you work in an office where some of you are married, oters are not and shock horror the married ones actually discuss their family lives?!!??!?!

And didn't the LSE do a study very recently and found that single people are, by far apparently, the happiest? Ah, Single women, no kids...

www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1132200/women-happier-sing-with-no-kids-paul-dolan

Pshwa!

It's more than so many women just ASSUME that all women have access to someone else's income and take for granted that it is the norm. Well, it is for about 50% of the population. And that assumption is just as likely to be them talking about their lives in the same way you, other single people, talk about theirs.

I don't get your dislike, the poiint you are trying to make... what you are complaining about is some women having a different lifestyle to you and not having the good manners (?!) to not discuss themselves in front of you.

Well what’s good about working part time, living off a man to pay for your 3 luxury holidays? That’s hardly an achievement.

honestly just ignore them.

I think the sad thing in your observation is that the earning capacity of a woman is assumed (statistically correctly) to be less than a mans.

Living Dead --- Just to say that I am not assuming that women don't/can't make more money than men nor that they can't make a high income, but statistically men make more, and women are more likely to work part-time and do reduced hours if they are in employment.

But the other side of the coin is that we have independence and self respect. You can’t buy those. It’s annoying but you really can’t let stuff like this get to you

Yes, all those stupid women who don't earn as much as their partners etc, and especially those GHASTLY sahms- no self respect!! And certainly no independence! Just ignore them, we are FAR superior to them!!! (And queue smug grin). Ps, sarcasm.

So what if some women assume that? Just explain then to them if it bothers you so deeply you come to complain on the internet.

I don't get your dislike, the poiint you are trying to make... what you are complaining about is some women having a different lifestyle to you and not having the good manners (?!) to not discuss themselves in front of you.

Curious - Maybe it's the kind of thing you have to live/experience to understand.

Yanbu. Personally I’m amazed that there are people out there who thinks every one gets maintenance, I don’t get a penny from my ex for 4 children. Some people really don’t have a clue.

It's more than so many women just ASSUME that all women have access to someone else's income and take for granted that it is the norm

Never seen this ever, whether in RL or on MN. What I have seen is posts where MNers query certain financial arrangements that disadvantage the woman, proposing as natural that money is held in common. This is not an assumption of access to the man's income.

I think you have made a lot of deductions from your stats that are incorrect. At worst the only assumption people are making is there is a likelihood that someone over a certain age is in a relationship and that the household income is not down to one person. based on your stats this seems reasonable as at least 2/3 rd are. There is no men/women argument here based on your stats, not anything to support the argument that at least half the single none cohabiting people are not men, or would be same sex if cohabiting, and as the age starts so low 16, and we have so may widows and less widowers living alone, I am surprised the number is only 34.5%.

In fact all of the single mothers I know and I mean every single one, ( and to be fair 2 single father) have income support from the children's father ( mother) . Is whether they live alone, assuming kids don't count?? relevant to this or not , no.

The people you are talking of , and your statements , seems to me to suggest you perceive the other income which you seem to feel is likely male, is always the higher. Maybe they need to drag themselves into the modern workplace where the main breadwinner may be the female so even with a second income be it male or not may not be able to drop hours. to assume someone of my age likely has a partner I think is a reasonable assumption if only based on your statistic that 66% of people are cohabiting and if you look at my age range id say it could be higher.

Op I expérience this from both women and men