To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

Sorry that should have said

^ thread and was for Passthecherrycoke

Thanks truth. I wonder what you’d do about this too because I’ve never been told by a medical professional or BF professional that it’s a possibility that you just don’t develop milk. But a lot of women do say that they didn’t. It might be that there is medical treatment available if it’s diagnosed (and of course if said women actually want to BF!)

Yes, there was another pp who had suffered this too.

It's something to ask for definitely. I also think if it's a treat test to discover it would save so much pain in trying to establish feeding if it was never going to happen (if that's the case).

No woman should ever feel shame or guilt at not being able to bf for whatever reason. Life's hard enough.
Same for MC, although it does again, seem to be a common reaction to blame yourself/body for letting you down, or looking to something you could have done differently or didn't do right somehow.

I didn’t attempt it the second time after I hated it with my first and only stuck it a week. Wish I hadn’t bothered first time either, all it gave me was grief doing it and the guilts thereafter. Not worth it for me.

*treat
A treat it certainly is not!

I think that should have said 'thing' ...that if it's a thing then test for it

To add I didn’t really want to do it with my first either. I just thought I should. Loathed it and I definitely think both trying it and then giving up contributed to my PND.

The 'guilts' are massive, horrible, and truly destructive, and unnecessary. Maybe it's the guilt that drives the need to feed as an instinct?! Perhaps to our instincts bf is the only way as we didn't evolve with ff!!

Was it the sensation MrsMiggins ? Or lots of things?

for PND

Sorry that was your experience, but I don’t think OP meant why did some babies struggle to latch on /why did some have medical or physical conditions preventing them from breastfeeding. She was curious to find out the reasons why some women choose not to try breastfeeding the first place. There is no judgement still on her post and people are getting really defensive when she is asking them to explain (not defend) their choice.

@truthontrial he was tiny and my boobs were massive so it was hard to manoeuvre him so I didn’t block his nose, I was knackered and in agony (after the birth) and I just looked at him and felt he’d taken enough from me (didn’t have the rush of love when he was born and had had things going on in my pregnancy which kind of spoiled it all a bit)

He’s a lovely big stroppy strapping incredibly bright teen now so he’s fine and so am I :)

It was a shame I suppose as I had tons of milk.

Oh MrsMiggins what a shame for you both yes, but you overcame it through FF, and yes, have yourself a lovely lad now.

I wish there weren't so many such difficult struggles experienced by women, including the pregnancy which does often also impact on the birth and both on early days. Early days are just so intense

I suppose one key question would be, did you feel properly supported?

I don't think it should really matter to anyone else why someone chooses to /not to breastfeed. I bf both of mine to natural term, (still feeding youngest now at almost 3), and am so happy I've been able to, with only a few minor issues along the way. I feel proud, and am happy I made the decision to bf, but that's because they're MY children, and it was very important to me. It doesn't bother me at all how someone else chooses to feed their babies, as they aren't mine. I have friends who bf to term like myself, some who fed for a year, some who didn't bf at all, some who bf for a few weeks, and it would never cross my mind to question anyone's motives for their personal decision around feeding their babies. For me, it was extremely important to try and make bf work. I completely understand why it isn't important or as important to other people. We all have different things that mean alot to us, and not to others, that's just the way life is.

Please don’t start on me @TruthOnTrial

I’ve actually agreed with the majority of what you’ve posted but disagreed with some.

But when I see bollocks pseudo stats peddled on a thread where there are many honest accounts of why BFing hasn’t been attempted by some (albeit few, most on this thread have attempted) it makes me annoyed as it’s just bollocks.

I suppose one key question would be, did you feel properly supported?

Hmm I don’t know really I don’t know if I gave it enough of a chance to really find out. I remember one MW in hospital trying to help me feed lying down but I was knackered and scared I’d squash him! He was also on antibiotics and kept getting whisked away to SCBU so I think that threw us both off a bit. Having him at the weekend where there were less staff maybe wasn’t the most helpful either and my mum was no help as she hadn’t BF me. One MW was pretty horrible she failed to pick up I actually had mastitis and she likened me FF to smoking. When I was pregnant with my next child she was also pregnant and I remember thinking my god I hope no one ever makes you feel how you made me feel.

I haven’t really thought about it for years now but I guess I think he’s just the same as he’d have been if I hadn’t BF at all so it wasn’t worth it just to give him a week of BM for how the experience and failure fucked me up for months after.

I haven't RTFT, this point has probably already been made, but some of those women who don't BF, don't want to talk about why because they don't want to disclose and discuss their history as survivors of rape/abuse and PTSD.

It's rather like asking someone why they've only had the one child/when they're having a second - maybe they are struggling with infertility or loss and don't want to have to explain that to an acquaintance or work colleague. Some things are best not probed.

It's selfish and lazy not to breastfeed

Yeah that’s me! I’ve never professed to be selfless and not lazy. Although if making bottles is harder work than BF, how can it be “lazy”?

I've re-read some more of this thread (not the whole lot, because it's long). It's usually the same story. FF -v- BF = an emotive treadmill to nowhere. And I wonder anew why we do this, and to what end?

BF rates in the UK are woefully low and it might be helpful if we honestly investigated why this is the case. To view feeding an infant as in some way socially taboo is bizarre, and it seems even protecting breastfeeding mothers by law hasn't enabled much progress. There are still cries of 'I don't want to see it!', whilst by the same token low-cut tops seem perfectly acceptable.

FF mums seem sensitive to judgmentalism from BF advocates, and are sick of hearing the mantra (breast is best), whereas the underlying message to BF mums seems to be to sexualise their chosen feeding method and display (society, this is) a rather strange prudery over the natural function of the humble, ordinary humble breast. I've seen feeding babies compared to defecating or having sex in public as both are 'natural' bodily functions. Sexualising feeding is what's odd, and comparing sterile milk to an offensive health hazard makes no sense whatsoever.

An organic product is always going to be preferable to a manufactured one, but circumstances vary and it simply may not fit. How many mums with a boisterous 3-YO can sit feeding for hours and hours of the day? I did BF, and in different circumstances, if I felt it best for my family, I'd possibly make a different choice.

You do not - no one has to - to justify your parenting decisions on the internet. Because, when it really boils down to it, who cares about the approval or disapproval of a bunch of fonts?

some of those women who don't BF, don't want to talk about why because they don't want to disclose and discuss their history as survivors of rape/abuse and PTSD.

I'm was a rape victim (there are reasons why the word 'survivor' doesn't work for me) who had undiagnosed cPTSD for two decades.

I breastfed, because it simply didn't occur to me to equate the feeding of an infant with anything remotely sexual. But if others do, I can appreciate (although not fully understand) why this is a problem; or more aptly, society's problem for its weird prudery and sexualizing of a perfectly normal, banal, boring, everyday bodily function.

Your post made me realize that if these are the kinds of taboos many new mothers have in the backs of their minds, there is no wonder BF rates are so low. I find this sad.

The thought of FF repulses me! Or is that not allowed?

This is such a good point. I was ‘bullied’ by a midwife after the birth of DS to give him a formula top up (and almost said in a roundabout way that I could leave hospital that day if I said I would ff as bf was slow to start)
I did give him that formula top up, and I hate it because he smelled different to me afterwards. It was weird but it made me feel really uncomfortable. Now will I get attacked? Even if I was to say that I don’t care how you all feed your babies but for ME I found giving formula made me very uncomfortable?
By the way - not that it matters but did go on to establish bf successfully in the end and didn’t use formula again after those first few days.

You can be repulsed or find whatever you want disgusting, it’s generally a visceral reaction you can’t help.
BUT should also acknowledge that something that causes that reaction in you won’t in others.
I find BF really gross, I know it’s completely natural and not in the slightest bit gross to most other people so I would never say it other than on an anonymous forum

Im so glad I was pressured into bresstfeeding, if not I would have given up in the first weeks. Most babies thrive with breastmilk, scientifically proven to be healthier or have more health benefits than bottle. And its free...

Tsubasa1 - my bf babies thrived as well. Am visiting my 20 year old DS now at Uni - straight A student, healthy and happy.