To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

DD will never be able to breastfeed any potential babies as she has had a reduction therefore will be no point in trying as nothing it connects up iyswim

always find it interesting when people talk about how much faff bottle feeding is. It probably took me about 20 minutes a day to wash, sterilise and make up bottles. Going out was easy(sterile bottles and readymade milk). It really isn’t as difficult or time consuming as people seem to think. Getting up in the night and grabbing a bottle from the fridge took around a minute or so and that duty could also be shared

All those things you mentioned don't really stand out as easy, or less effort. Getting up in the night!! Just no. That is a massive deal, when it might be two or three times to actually get up out of bed and go downstairs,nope, I'm out already. Never mind the extra 20 daily for purely washing sterilising drying and sorting bottles and having to prep going out bag with bottles and spare bottles and go somewhere bottles can be heated (no longer sterile).

It's was a big deal for me to have to leave precious bed and sleep to anything else!

A lot of the issues women face is due to struggling on alone, and a non bf culture.

Women elsewhere are given more time and support. In the UK it's like you have to carry on with life as if you're not pregnant or newly birthed and trying to feed!

Anyone saying feeding is unimportant I can't agree with. It's almost the number one thing that women worry about that their baby is thriving and achieving their weight percentiles and goals.

It's nonsense to say that some people smoke to old age and so on; it's denying the fact that it's harmful to yourself and those around.

Like comparing real milk to artificial. Like comparing real food to processed. Yes, it will get you through, but over years it causes harm, for various reasons, and it cannot possibly be as beneficial as real food.

I chose not to breastfeed. My reasons are no one elses business.

Bill also have experience of that, and the outcome was ability to bf perfectly well. Its not a definite end to bf potential. It may be for some. The nipple stalk is maintained etc. Some nipples die completely, but again it's not all, some.

Either because they don't want to or can't. It's not rocket science, is it?

I tried with both

My dd was tongue tied and it physically killed me. No one was willing to snip her tongue in the hospital we was in which meant waiting until her 8 week check up. If I had waited until then, my supply would have dried anyway. It got lost in the system and by the time doctors got round to it she was over 1 and they didn’t want to do anything as she weaned ok. She’s 6 now and still tongue tied.

Ds was just too small and too weak to stay latched long enough to get a full stomach. Meant he was on me for nearly 24 hours at a time.

Then he was diagnosed with CMPA so I couldn’t have carried on anyway

What's behind not bf, despite it being best, apart from medical inability?

Women should have time, time to spend quietly establishing feeding, time with support, and mostly as I understand it, it's the cluster feeding and early establishing that's the hardest struggle after having given birth. The cluster feeding happens with bottle or breast.

No, it doesn't always hurt. I know one DM who said it was like passing glass, and one who used shields, the others had no pain, or minor soreness

Because they don't want to or can't, why is that difficult to understand? I BF for years but i have no difficulty in understanding why others dont. Also nobody needs to explain their choices

Everybody's own choice. I hate hearing that it's because of misinformation and lack of education that people don't breastfeed, it definitely wasn't in my case, I knew a lot of people who had different issues and others who loved it, I read up on it and I simply did not want to. If you really want to know why, I saw so many people whose babies were always hungry( they said) and so we're feeding so often and the mothers were wrecked and fed up and that sealed it for me. But fair dues to those who do and I know people will never understand, my sil is seen as a legend and I'm seen as lazy ( and my youngest is 5 and it's still brought up in the way you did it, in a no offence but why? way) and all say oh I definitely would because it's better for the baby. Sorry!) Bothered me before but not now!!

I never wanted to. I have three very healthy children who rarely get sick. A happy and content baby is one that is fed. Doesn't matter how.

Chose to FF for a variety of reasons, though as it turns out I couldn’t have done it without a lot of help anyway due to a hormonal condition (IVF baby).

The next baby will also be FF; it has worked out brilliantly for our finally. DH can feed as and when, GPs have been delighted to be able to look after her from a young age and no worries about my FT return to work.

As an interesting aside, my parents’ generation (or at least their families, not sure if it was a nationwide opinion) seemed to see BF as something you did if you were too poor to afford formula, whereas nowadays in my (very middle class) area BF is the norm and FF is very much looked down upon.

I think some of the problem is expectations on modern women. I fully expected to be pinned to the sofa for hours a day for cluster feeding and had a partner who did all the housework and cooking etc while I was feeding. A lot of women I think either don't have that kind of practical support or feel they need to be doing housework or cooking or be out and about visiting people and doing something, not just spending hours on the sofa or in bed. I just had my Kindle, phone, Netflix, lots of snacks and drinks in range (and DP kept me topped up) and basically just kept baby fed and snuggled while my partner did everything else.

If anything, five months on I long for those hours of feeding where I could read a book in peace Now she does 10 mins and is ready to be entertained again!

I didn't want my babies drinking blood from my cracked nipples and their poo turning black.
I didn't want the pain.
I didn't want a baby drinking milk from me.
The milk coming from my nipples made me feel dirty and disgusting.
That it would damage my relationship with my baby.
I didn't know what was wrong with me as these aren't normal feelings. Thirteen years later I found out I'm autistic. I'm sure this is why as I generally feel uncomfortable with all of my bodily functions. I feel like my body is a separate thing to me, and mostly is revolting.

@sqeakywheel those feelings aren't because of your autism - they're pretty standard IMO!

I attempted to breastfeed both babies

I felt like a cow 🐄

I hated it but I persisted - I wish I hadn't persisted - I wish I hadn't been pressured by the breast is best crowd - eventually I said sod it and supplemented with a bottle - but that was at 5 months and I was a wreck by then

SqueakyWheel, don't worry I felt the same. The thought of having a baby sucking on my nipple really made me queasy can't help the way you react to some things!

Because the idea repulsed me

I’ve never breast fed because that part of my body is a massive part of my sexuality and I didn’t want my babies to change that

Thank you newmomof1 and calculatethis.

Initially I didn't want to as I couldn't think of anything worse than whipping a boob out to feed in front of people.

I have now decided to try for the first week and then switch to bottle feeding after this. Providing he feeds.

I’m completely with the OP.
I’m genuinely curious to know, without judging, what leads women to skip breastfeeding and go straight to bottles/formula!
During pregnancy I was adamant I would breast feed and eventually combi feed.
We battled through a tongue tie for 6 weeks before having to pay to have it cut privately because of the lack of support on the NHS, I battled through feeding every hour for 6 weeks because he couldn’t feed properly and we were in an endless cycle.
Once we had his tongue tie cut it’s been a totally different experience.
He goes far longer between feeds, is settled and gaining weight.
We do combi feed, he gets 1 bottle of formula a day so that I can have a rest if needed.
People who say “I don’t want the baby tied to me”... it absolutely doesn’t have to be like that.
I do feel extremely lucky that at the moment, we have the best of both worlds.
We’re 11 weeks in and with every day I’m proud of myself for persevering through the pain, sleepless nights and sore nipples/boobs. I’ve had countless comments from family to move to bottle “because they want to take the baby for a bit” not even thinking that even if we did exclusively bottle feed they wouldn’t have him!
I do think “breast is best” as all research points to this so like the OP it does make me genuinely curious as to why women don’t at least attempt it. That’s not judging!

The cluster feeding happens with bottle or breast
Never found this with bottle feeding, to be honest, and I've bottle fed 3, 2 right from birth. They usually drunk their bottles and settled down for 2-3 hours. One of them was a bit of a grazer but even he used to finish his bottle within the hour.

My friend couldn't bf because she had cancer when she was in her late teens and was on drugs to prevent her cancer returning. She came off them for the pg but had to go straight back on them after her dc was born. So no bf.

If veganism continues to become more commonplace, the formula companies will be in trouble. (But then, so will the dairy industry as a whole!)