To avoid getting my son diagnosed

[fabadababadoodee]

I have a almost 18 year old son and without giving you his life story I have always suspected he was on the spectrum, probably Aspergers.

Has anyone ever got their child diagnosed this late in their life? We have managed him fairly well over his childhood but it's been a huge job!

It's just that he's now come to me asking if I think something is wrong with him because he's been pulled up at his part time job for coming across rude and blunt at times and also for not getting sarcasm.

There is soooo much more I could go into but won't for now, as anyone with a child with autism will know the battles we have faced!

He's interested in joining the police force and my worry is that having a diagnosis will hold him back from this and prevent opportunities in the future.
On the same note I also want him to get the right support in his life moving forward, would a diagnosis make this easier for him to get?

Any advice or stories to share would be much appreciated.
Thanks

Up to you but my not being diagnosed until I was 38 caused massive mental health damage. That's what is happening to your son right now and yes I'm hugely resentful.

My bf got diagnosed when he was around 20 I think. He kept it a secret from his family so I'm not sure of how he went about it.

Although not the police, he does work for an emergency service and chose to keep his diagnosis under wraps. He got found out for similar reasons your son's employer had a word and he was bollocked for not telling them about his disability. My bf does not class it as a disability so argued his case. He did keep his job but I worry that when he comes to the end of his training they might use it as some sort of reason to fail him.

My bf told me he felt much better after a diagnosis rather than always feeling like there was something wrong with him but not knowing if there truly was.

I'm 31, I was diagnosed 2 months ago.

My life has been so difficult my whole life. A few years ago I had a breakdown and didn't function I couldn't cope anymore. I didn't understand how the world goes round and everyone functions when life was so hard for me.
I was misdiagnosed as someone with borderline personality disorder and I was refused help because of the stigma attached to it. So I sought further help after my son got on the umbrella pathway and recognosing the traits in myself and after a year I got ASD diagnosis.

Having the correct diagnosis and finally understanding why I find things so difficult has really helped me. It's helped my family understand too. I am still getting my head around it. I keep thinking about different incidents over the last 31 years like "ohhhh yeah that was another sign". It's a lot, but I am happy to finally understand me and I'm more aware of sensory triggers and when I need time out. I also purchased weighted blankets! Life savers, now I can sleep longer than 4 hours!

I recommend seeking a diagnosis. 100%

And I agree with @BishopBrennansArse

I have had depression since age 13, where I self harmed. I have suffered with social anxiety that long too. I was in two abusive relationships. PTSD. Mental breakdown.
I'm now not depressed, but my social anxiety has me leaving the house twice a month.
We stupidly booked a holiday and now I anxiety is out of control.

Being undiagnosed is damaging, in my experience

Our dd was diagnosed with ASD (would've been called aspergers previously) last year and the knowledge of her diagnosis has been transformative for her. She is only 9, but already felt different and she actually sighed with relief when we spoke to her about the diagnosis. She said 'now I know why I don't understand the other girls and they don't understand me'. She said she always thought she was the odd one out and there must be something wrong with her. We have never spoken about her diagnosis as a problem or issue, just simply a difference in the way her brain processes things. Through that knowledge of her differences, she has actually become closer to her peers as she knows why she feels different and that has given her a greater understanding of herself and of them and in turn they are more understanding of her. She has shared her diagnosis with all of them with no shame and now when she tells them she needs some space and quiet time, or doesn't want to be hugged or explains that she wasn't trying to be mean when she said something, she was just being honest, they understand. She now feels empowered to say when she finds a situation overwhelming, whereas previously she would've struggled on feeling she had to cope as everyone else was coping so why shouldn't she. Inevitably that would mean she would end up having a meltdown. We therefore have far fewer meltdowns nowadays and a far happier child who is developing more social skills everyday. We were very concerned pre diagnosis whether we were doing the right thing in 'labelling' her when most people would just think of her as a bit quirky or shy (or a spoilt brat if they saw her mid meltdown), but the ed psych who diagnosed her told us that in 30 years of diagnosing people of all ages, it had never had anything but a positive impact on their lives. To know who you are and why you feel and experience things differently is far more powerful and positive than to go through life thinking there is something wrong with you.
Good luck, it sounds like you have done an incredible job of supporting your son and getting him through school and to this point where he can have a full and independent adult life. Diagnosis will be yet another incredible gift you can give him 💐

Up to you but my not being diagnosed until I was 38 caused massive mental health damage. That's what is happening to your son right now and yes I'm hugely resentful.
Ditto. Lots of bad depression, zero self-esteem. There are far worse labels to have than autistic, and if people don't know that there's a reason for why you behave the way you do then you end up with plenty of those worse labels. I wish I'd been diagnosed as a child, life would have been so different.

Wow!! This really has helped opened up my eyes about how a diagnoses could possibly help support him moving into adulthood.

And as I said before, of course it is his decision.

I appreciate your stories and I think I will show this to him.

We have always spoken about autism as he has so many traits and have joked about it, we have a very open relationship and maybe we shouldn't have joked about it, I don't mean to offend anyone but it's just the way it's been in our house, so he's fully aware he could be autistic.
We don't care if he is or isn't, we would support anything he wants to do, but this thread has helped me to move forward with offering him help he may now need, so thank you all. Really interesting read.

@fabadababadoodee, Ds has watched the Chris Packham documentary Asperger's and me this week as we have been advised to start talking to him about ASD. I think it was a useful watch for Ds, there is a particular part of it when he talks about being an undiagnosed teenager that is so similar to Ds's situation. I actually find it quite emotional to watch but it an interesting documentary and it has gently opened up the conversation between us and Ds about his probable diagnosis.