To avoid getting my son diagnosed

[fabadababadoodee]

I have a almost 18 year old son and without giving you his life story I have always suspected he was on the spectrum, probably Aspergers.

Has anyone ever got their child diagnosed this late in their life? We have managed him fairly well over his childhood but it's been a huge job!

It's just that he's now come to me asking if I think something is wrong with him because he's been pulled up at his part time job for coming across rude and blunt at times and also for not getting sarcasm.

There is soooo much more I could go into but won't for now, as anyone with a child with autism will know the battles we have faced!

He's interested in joining the police force and my worry is that having a diagnosis will hold him back from this and prevent opportunities in the future.
On the same note I also want him to get the right support in his life moving forward, would a diagnosis make this easier for him to get?

Any advice or stories to share would be much appreciated.
Thanks

well it depends on the level of those traits doesnt it

No; no it doesn't.

If you have traits it means just that: you have traits. There is a huge difference between being autistic and having autistic traits. If you have traits it means you do not have severe impairment in all areas of the diagnostic criteria.

well then there needs to be more research done into this massive overlap of people that have traits, but are not determined by a neurotypical professional to have enough immediately apparent ones to warrant diagnosis.
Ive known MANY people who have been diagnosed with maybe BPD, eating disorder, anxiety issues, sensory issues, social difficulties and yet they just.will. not. put the pieces together and say the big A word.
Why not? Is it still the stigma?
I think we need to improve the understanding of it.
Its not as if you get a diagnosis and they go "here, have some money and some help" They dont.
We are learning more and more about autism being a neurodiversity, that is more than just specific difficulties.

I suspect im not explaining myself very well, but other autistic people ive spoken to seem to get where im coming from

Ive known MANY people who have been diagnosed with maybe BPD, eating disorder, anxiety issues, sensory issues, social difficulties and yet they just.will. not. put the pieces together and say the big A word.

Because collectively these things don't add automatically add up to autism. The person has to have impairment in all are of the diagnostic criteria. All the above is possible without meeting that.

Have you heard about Broader Autism Phenotype (BAP)? It's the term used to describe people who display autistic traits but don't quite meet the diagnostic criteria. It's most often found in close family member of autistic people. I believe it's an ongoing area of autism research.

yeah, so you have a large amount of people that know they are on the spectrum, but cant get a diagnosis. Failing to live up to peoples expectations in many ways. Mostly women. The diagnostic criteria is heavily weighted towards male presentation for a start, and woeful lack of understanding as to how it presents in women.
A woman maybe with loads of traits. Not enough for a diagnosis, but keeps producing autistic kids. Funnily enough. What is she? A carrier? Is it coincidence? No. Shes autistic, but the understanding around autism is flawed and underdeveloped. Its getting better. Some of the professionals who diagnose are still behind in this. Some still say if you can make eye contact or you have a sense of humour youre not autistic.
Its also not easy with everyone to get a true sense of what their difficulties are. Many people with autism are unable to describe certain things about themselves, or are unaware what is "normal"

Collectively, on paper those things might not officially add up to autism, but in real life, you actually know the person and another autistic person can see it a mile off

Autism isn’t the big diagnosis, it’s no better or worse than any other dx. It’s just different than the other dx you’ve listed.

so you have a large amount of people that know they are on the spectrum, but cant get a diagnosis
To be blunt IF you can’t get a dx because you don’t fit the criteria then you AREN’T “on the spectrum”.

all those things together are massive markers of autism. Its the fact that they just dont want to diagnose autism. You get people on heavy duty mental health drugs. People going off the rails because they havent been able to access the right support. People unemployed long term.
All of those diagnoses together in my opinion, mean that autism needs to be considered, even if its atypical presentation, but its often not, because people have an outdated view about it, including many professionals, who probably need to retire.
In my experience it is getting better though in some ways.
Just a shame this coincides with support in schools going downhill

yeah, so you have a large amount of people that know they are on the spectrum, but cant get a diagnosis

No. No you don't. You are either on the spectrum Autistic or you are not. If people don't meet the diagnostic criteria it is because they are NOT Autistic.

all those things together are massive markers of autism. Its the fact that they just dont want to diagnose autism

WOW. I don't even know what to say

so you have a large amount of people that know they are on the spectrum, but cant get a diagnosis

To be blunt IF you can’t get a dx because you don’t fit the criteria then you AREN’T “on the spectrum”

It's not as simple as that. The criteria is evolving and as a PP said heavily weighted towards male presentation. When my DH was assessed he didn't meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis. Does that mean he isn't autistic? He was assessed in the 70s when high functioning autism wasn't recognised. Today he'd be the poster boy for autism awareness. But he still doesn't have a formal diagnosis although all the professionals we deal with recognise that he is autistic.

Yes you absolutely CAN be still on the spectrum if you are under the diagnostic criteria, because the criteria is outdated and geared towards things we now know are male presentation.
Dont you understand that new research happens all the time. Knowledge changes. The next time they adapt the criteria to align with modern knowledge, wont mean that some people suddenly become autistic that werent before.

Autistic people can go into an ados or whatver diagnostic method they are using, and come away without a diagnosis.

be interested to know if the people that disagree with me on this are autistic or neurotypical

I'm autistic, diagnosed. DD and DS are both autistic, diagnosed. DH is undiagnosed but is clearly the most autistic of all of us.

Dont you understand that new research happens all the time. Knowledge changes.

NHS Tayside changed their diagnostic criteria last year for this very reason, so yes, I do know.

What I was saying was that the example you gave of various conditions does not automatically mean that a person is autistic.

The traits don't make a person autistic.

@Branleuse

I am Autistic. Perhaps that's why I get so absolutely irked by things like this

Collectively, on paper those things might not officially add up to autism, but in real life, you actually know the person and another autistic person can see it a mile off

It's not up to us to diagnose others. I did say earlier I stay away from threads about autism usually and your posts are the exact reasons I do that.

Why on earth wouldn’t you get a diagnosis for him? You may have done him a disservice by supporting him so much in school.
This ^^. It drives me mad when I read threads where the parents have avoided diagnosis because it can make a huge difference.
I think the point is that if it’s not disabling then it isn’t autism.
If you've spent years finding workarounds to help you cope because you didn't know that you were autistic then it may not look disabling from the outside but it's sure as hell still autism. That's like saying to a blind person who relies on a guide dog 'well you can get to the shops okay so you must not be blind anymore'

Remaining undiagnosed won't make the symptoms disappear; it only means that they won't be able to access support, or have reasonable adjustments made.

There are valid reasons for people not pursuing an autism diagnosis. It can have unforseen circumstances further down the line. One of the reasons my DH hasn't pursued it formally is that it would impact on his career. He works in a high security international field and some countries would not clear someone to work with a diagnosis. Or my DD who now lives abroad and has to jump through extra hoops before she's allowed to drive.

As an adult it's up to him. Most high functioning asd adults do not claim disability benefits and work in ordinary jobs without special provision, whether they want their employer to know is partly their choice and partly depends on where in the spectrum they lie - some people "pass" better than others. There are jobs that require extensive screening and are not suitable for people with asd, but they are the kind of jobs that have to reject applicants with mental and physical health issues too eg the armed forces, mainstream police but on the other hand gchq actively recruit people with Asd.

My dd is pretty open and her employer didn't reject her despite being upfront but for months her applications were rejected and we don't know if that's because she declared it in the disability section

I managed someone recently that was failing their job. I strongly suspected they were on the spectrum, but couldn’t address it and wasn’t sure if they had any idea. I wish we could have had an open discussion about their chosen career, why they were finding this particular role so difficult, and what types of jobs in the sector they might excel at.

I’m waiting on a Dx for my DC, so they can tell their teachers and managers how they learn best and develop strategies for situations they will find themselves in.

Everyone who was diagnosed as an adult was an undiagnosed adult first who strongly suspected it, and maybe took them a long time to decide to go for dx because they felt they actually coped ok. Not necessarily! I was 32 when I realised I probably had ASD. I went to my GP within a fortnight because I wanted a definite diagnosis. I’ve had a number of ‘breakdowns’ where I’ve had severe mental health crisis after prolonged periods of stress. I’ve also been diagnosed with GAD prior to the autism diagnosis because I have such a severe anxiety. I wasn’t just bumbling along before, I was really struggling. I just didn’t know why (until I stumbled onto a MN thread about ASD in women).

Yes you absolutely CAN be still on the spectrum if you are under the diagnostic criteria
No. How can this be true? If you don’t fit the criteria then you are not autistic. ONLY autistic people are on the autistic spectrum. Being “nearly autistic” isn’t part of the spectrum, because it is a spectrum of autistic people.

be interested to know if the people that disagree with me on this are autistic or neurotypical I would imagine that rather depends if you are talking about autistics who fit the diagnostic criteria or those that would if the criteria changed to include then.

Paddingtonmare why couldn’t you bring it up with him?

interesting, so mix of both. I got a diagnosis last year after previously not getting a doagnosis because the things I was asked were irrelevent before and mostly about male presentation. All my children have a diagnosis despite people thinking that my daughter wasnt for quite a while. I also think there are people in my wider family that I swear are on the spectrum, but I dont know if theyd meet strict criteria, but they seem to piss everyone off or struggle to function in many ways but its put down to other things. I think its autism related.
Does that make sense