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AIBU?

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Original poster

dh is jealous of dss and it threatens my marriage

111 replies

fecketyfeck21 · 04/07/2019 20:08

ds 19 and me have get on very well, we laugh and chat about most things. dh has become jealous about this and intensively dislikes my ds as a result [is dh's ss] it is causing a lot of stress and arguments.
dh is fine around the other sc but he sees my son as his rival [his words]. we have a vert strong marriage but this is putting a wedge under the foundations and i'm beginning to feel like i'm walking on egg shells.
ds helped me with watering some pot plants this evening as dh had gone indoors to sulk because ds had come out to see what we had been doing in the garden. when i saw dh he's sulking and banging on about 'mummy's helper' i said 'you went indoors and weren't going to help' he said he went in because of dss.
we've just had a scuff and he's sulked off upstairs after telling me to 'piss off' i commented that he was the one that was the one acting like a knob and was leaving the room not me.
i think it's shame that i feel i'm being made to choose, he doesn't like me even being in the same room let along speaking.
what do i do ?

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 04/07/2019 20:09

If I’m reading this right, he resents your son?
What an immature twat!
That would be a marriage breaker for me.

MsPavlichenko · 04/07/2019 20:10

Leave him.

MrsElizabethShelby · 04/07/2019 20:10

D.I.V.O.R.C.E

What a disgustingly unsexy manchild. I couldn't be around him OP.

lazymare · 04/07/2019 20:11

That's not a string marriage. He's a twat.

TheChain · 04/07/2019 20:11

Your DH sounds like a prize prick. It’s your son, you should be close!
How long have you been with DH? Why is he so jealous of your child?
I couldn’t respect a man who resenting my children

lazymare · 04/07/2019 20:11

*strong

geekone · 04/07/2019 20:11

Your DH is an arshole. You are being forced to choose between your partner and your child, even at 19 your child comes first.

LTB

SummerCharl · 04/07/2019 20:12

A very strong marriage? With someone who is horribly jealous of your son and tantrums like a child when your son gets any attention from you?

WTF. Your poor son! I cannot believe you are allowing this to happen to him in his own home.

Zebraaa · 04/07/2019 20:12

His rival? Wow.

Rosemary46 · 04/07/2019 20:12

What do you mean by “ we’ve just had a scuff”?

MyOpinionIsValid · 04/07/2019 20:14

TBH I saw this quite a lot when I worked in education. New bloke nearly always seems to feel threatened by teenagers (sometimes girls) and certainly from the age of 14 up (when puberty kicks in) - it doesn't matter if the child is 'nice' or a 'handful'. The new DH makes it a mission to drive out previous offspring. It's quite animalistic really, lions do the same thing.

notapizzaeater · 04/07/2019 20:14

Wow !

I can't really put into words how horrified I am that he's jealous of your son

TheChain · 04/07/2019 20:14

Scuff is a regional thing, just means a bit of an argument... like a barney or a tiff. I don’t think the OP means a physical scuff like a fight

Quartz2208 · 04/07/2019 20:14

yes you dont really have much choice here

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 04/07/2019 20:15

That would be an absolute deal breaker for me, sorry OP. I don't know how you get past that. No one could make me choose. Well, they could, but they'd lose out pretty sharpish.

cccameron · 04/07/2019 20:15

How old is your DH and how long have you been together? Surely he must realise he is acting like a twat.

Must be a really awful situation for your DS

CallMeOnMyCell · 04/07/2019 20:16

You need to divorce him. My step dad is exactly the same about my brother and now my brother isn’t allowed to visit at all because my step dad is jealous of him. My mum and brother now have a very strained relationship and he is very angry and hurt that she effectively chose her husband over him.

blueberrykitty · 04/07/2019 20:16

How awful for you! Children would come first for me !!

Oysterbabe · 04/07/2019 20:16

How have you allowed this to continue? You should have made it clear you wouldn't tolerate such behaviour at the first hint.

drizzleinbrizzle · 04/07/2019 20:16

dh is fine around the other sc but he sees my son as his rival [his words]

That is a really unhealthy way to think, he is your son ffs. I am sorry but I don't think you have a strong marriage at all.

GlitchStitch · 04/07/2019 20:16

what do i do ?

Depends if you want to have an ongoing relationship with your son/ any grandkids etc. If you're not fussed then stay with this tosser and let him keep treating your son like shit.

If you actually want your son to always feel comfortable and welcome in your home then LTB.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/07/2019 20:17

what do i do ?

You divorce.

PickAChew · 04/07/2019 20:18

Your H acting like a petulant teenager makes the choice quite easy, IMO.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 04/07/2019 20:19

What the hell? He resents you having a good relationship with your son??

Is there actually something wrong with him?!

Original poster
fecketyfeck21 · 04/07/2019 20:20

a scuff, an minor argument. he has depression and is insecure, this is under control for the best part, it's only been a problem in the last year and gotten worse over the last month or two.
we do have a strong marriage normally and he always supports me in everything, but for some reason he has this thing about dss at the moment. when ds is at work or out of the house dh is totally different, but i must admit i'm getting to the end of my tether after 20 years of marriage, this is the first time i am seriously considering calling time on it.

OP posts: