dh is jealous of dss and it threatens my marriage

[fecketyfeck21]

ds 19 and me have get on very well, we laugh and chat about most things. dh has become jealous about this and intensively dislikes my ds as a result [is dh's ss] it is causing a lot of stress and arguments.
dh is fine around the other sc but he sees my son as his rival [his words]. we have a vert strong marriage but this is putting a wedge under the foundations and i'm beginning to feel like i'm walking on egg shells.
ds helped me with watering some pot plants this evening as dh had gone indoors to sulk because ds had come out to see what we had been doing in the garden. when i saw dh he's sulking and banging on about 'mummy's helper' i said 'you went indoors and weren't going to help' he said he went in because of dss.
we've just had a scuff and he's sulked off upstairs after telling me to 'piss off' i commented that he was the one that was the one acting like a knob and was leaving the room not me.
i think it's shame that i feel i'm being made to choose, he doesn't like me even being in the same room let along speaking.
what do i do ?

Well, it doesn't take much to Google solicitors in your area.

Divorce is the only option here.

(By the way, for the poster who misunderstood, a pot plant means a plant that's grown in a pot, not a Marijuana plant.)

My dads girlfriend is jealous of me. I've gone very, very low contact with my dad because it's too difficult to arrange a visit. It's become worse and worse over the years. I'm not allowed to see him on his birthday, my birthday, chtistmas, any kind of holiday, or actually ever when she is around. He calls me when she's gone on her annual holiday alone. I didn't tell him about my pregnancy till I was 16 weeks. I married in secret because I couldn't invite him to my wedding anyway. We don't have a relationship anymore. You really have to choose if you want your son in your life, because if you do you need to divorce this man.

You have been with your DH (not the father to your children) for 20 years but your step son is 19. I’m a bit confused by this.

It's a dealbreaker, nobody is worth keeping around who feels that way about your child.

thanks everyone, i know what i need to do, i'm going to tell ds what dss thinks then tell dh he either sorts himself out or gets out, there is no choice.

He shouldn’t be viewing your son as ‘competition’ - that’s ridiculous and shows how fucked his head is really. Would be a dealbreaker for me

I have a 19 year old son that I am very close to.

LTB

he sees my son as his rival [his words]. we have a vert strong marriage

Those two sentences don't belong in the same room, never mind in the same paragraph.

All wrong, OP.

@steff13 the op was watering plants growing in pots, not ‘pot’ plants 😁

Your DH is SICK... I'd be kicking him out too.. Ffs your poor poor Son what must he be thinking having to watch his 'Father' behave like a prick.

You must resolve this and FAST OP

you've made my mind up mners, thank you for your response. looking at legal options tomorrow.

He wants your last to leave so he can have you to himself, just like a pet dog. Then he’ll start making it plain to your son that his visits aren’t welcome and eventually your son will stop.

He sees your child he raised from a baby as a rival. 😞 That’s really sad.

Good for you op

For what it’s worth, don’t think you should bother giving him a chance to ‘sort himself out’. Think about it, he sees your son as a rival which is an illogical thought, he can’t immediately turn those feelings of jealousy/hatred off. It’s something that he may have to work through with the help of a therapist, he can’t change his ways overnight and it’s unfair on your son to have to put up with it in the interim.

I think this is a common problem in stepfamilies TBH. Many men can feel threatened by another mans child .You dont say how long you have been together, but if he is behaving like this, it doesnt bode well for the future Im afraid.I would speak to him ,If he doesnt want to acknowledge the problem ,you may have to rethink your future together!

i'm going to tell ds what dss thinks - sorry what do you mean? You need to tell your DH what YOU think. He's raised him his entire life and now he's jealous of him?! You will be well rid.

Does your son or other kids see their birth father?

Well done op. He will probably try to say that your ds is driving a wedge between you and that proves he was right to feel that way about your son!

I hope it works out for you 💐

He's brought him up for 19 years - you def need to ltb.

How OLD is he? He sounds utterly utterly weak and pathetic.
Why would you want to be with a 'man' ( term used loosely) who is jealous of your son? It would turn my stomach tbh.

Before you do anything fecketyfeck21, make sure you know EVERYTHING you can about both your finances. Copies of all financial papers, careful that he doesn’t lift all the money from any joint accounts, etc.

It would be game over for me too.
Apart from your poor DS's feelings, it would be a serious turn-off to be married to such a pathetic little man.

Why do grown men never realise that sulking is deeply, deeply unattractive?

Ask your husband what he would think if one of his best friends told him that friend was jealous of a child he’d helped to bring up from a baby. If he’s prepared to think about it properly I hope he will admit he’d think his friend was being a pathetic idiot.

good on you OP ..

Please pick your child OP.