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Original poster

dh is jealous of dss and it threatens my marriage

111 replies

fecketyfeck21 · 04/07/2019 20:08

ds 19 and me have get on very well, we laugh and chat about most things. dh has become jealous about this and intensively dislikes my ds as a result [is dh's ss] it is causing a lot of stress and arguments.
dh is fine around the other sc but he sees my son as his rival [his words]. we have a vert strong marriage but this is putting a wedge under the foundations and i'm beginning to feel like i'm walking on egg shells.
ds helped me with watering some pot plants this evening as dh had gone indoors to sulk because ds had come out to see what we had been doing in the garden. when i saw dh he's sulking and banging on about 'mummy's helper' i said 'you went indoors and weren't going to help' he said he went in because of dss.
we've just had a scuff and he's sulked off upstairs after telling me to 'piss off' i commented that he was the one that was the one acting like a knob and was leaving the room not me.
i think it's shame that i feel i'm being made to choose, he doesn't like me even being in the same room let along speaking.
what do i do ?

OP posts:
MaeveDidIt · 04/07/2019 20:53

OP you can't reason with madness - it's a waste of time.
If you stay with your husband this will raise it's ugly head time and time again because it's in his mindset.

Boom45 · 04/07/2019 20:56

I'm not sure what you meant by telling ds what dss thinks but can you please not put any if this on your son? He doesn't need to know what your husband thinks and he doesn't need to be given the impression (even if its not what you mean) that it's in anyway his fault.

fernandoanddenise · 04/07/2019 20:58

Dealbreaker - your DH sounds needy, emotionally stunted and immature. Possibly the least sexy combination imaginable. I hope you can leave safely and find a good man who rejoices in his partners living relationships instead of this utter buffoon.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 04/07/2019 21:01

This is all very Oedipal...

WhoKnewBeefStew · 04/07/2019 21:02

Glad to hear it OP.

Polly111 · 04/07/2019 21:02

Seems really strange that your husband is acting like this after raising your son from a baby for the past 19 years. Has he been like this with the others or is it a recent thing? You absolutely need to choose your son over your husband but I also think you should talk to your husband first and try get to the bottom of what’s going on/ what’s triggered it.

katseyes7 · 04/07/2019 21:09

You sound like you've done an excellent job bringing up your son. lt's a shame l can't say the same for your husband's parents.
He's behaving like a petulant child. l'd be getting rid. And l speak as a stepmother.

CheerfulChimp · 04/07/2019 21:18

This is a very sad situation to be in and it's unfair that your DH has put you in that position. Unfortunately, his behaviour reflects his low level of maturity regarding the situation. It won't be a surprise when you gradually lose the respect you once had for him. Try to discuss the situation with him in a civil manner outside the house in an ideal setting so the children can't hear.

billy1966 · 04/07/2019 21:26

What a horrible situation for your son.

Being made to feel bad because his Mum loves him, and he has a good relationship with her.🙄

Very sad. Poor lad.

ThePurpleHeffalump · 04/07/2019 21:27

Is he getting counselling and meds for the depression ?

SirVixofVixHall · 04/07/2019 21:32

Your poor son !
I find it really bizarre that your DH has brought your son up since he was a tiny baby, yet is jealous of him now, all these years later, rather than loving him as a son.
You say this is fairly recent, was he loving to your son before this ?
I agree this can’t go on, your son is a very young adult, he still needs you, and this could absolutely destroy your relationship with him.
Have your older children noticed ? If so what do they think ?

Your husband not liking you being close to, or even IN THE SAME ROOM as your own son is very far from a happy , loving family .

S1naidSucks · 04/07/2019 21:40

I know you say he has always been in your son’s life, but was he a 50/50 hands on dad or were your the one doing all the wifework?

TriciaH87 · 04/07/2019 22:06

Tell him straight. It's my son not someone I'm having an affair with. If you cannot accept my child and grow up I suggest we file for divorce now because if its a choice between you and my child then hands down my child will win.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/07/2019 22:27

Don't tell him what your DS thinks, it just reinforces the idea that he's a rival. Keep it to what you think.

Howyiz · 04/07/2019 22:30

You now say you have been married for 19 years and met when your ds was a young baby. Yet he is 19. So did you meet and marry within months, even though you had 6 kids to think of?

SimplySteveRedux · 04/07/2019 22:31

He considers your son, his SS a rival? Fucking hell.

PicsInRed · 04/07/2019 22:31

Your husband was always awful, you've only just now recognised it.

You're lucky your kids are still around. If you let this carry on any further, they will pull away until you barely see them.

I'd say you are in the very last stages of a chance to "choose your babies" and have your children see that you chose them and forgive you for waiting so long.

SimplySteveRedux · 04/07/2019 22:33

My DSS was 1 when I entered his life, 20s now, I love him as my own. I couldn't love him more if I'd fathered him. I cannot comprehend how a man can consider his DSS of so many years a rival whatsoever. Your husband has serious issues.

VivienneHolt · 04/07/2019 22:35

Leave him. Your loyalty has to be to your son and I can only imagine how awful this situation is for him. Not to mention that your DH being jealous and possessive over your relationship with your own kid is like one million red flags.

cees · 04/07/2019 22:39

Well done on your decision op, your husband is being so immature. How could you find his company desirable when he is acting like a spoilt child. He is pathetic.

babbi · 04/07/2019 22:40

Divorce - no question of it .
He is unkind to your child - dealbreaker.

Also he clearly had no respect for you if he can’t see what position this puts you in ..

Get shot now

boosterrooster · 04/07/2019 22:44

That's awful! I feel so bad for your poor DS. He sounds like a good lad and it's great that you have such a good relationship with him, especially at his age. Your DH needs to grow up and get over himself...or leave.

Radiostar91 · 04/07/2019 22:52

Just read your response that says you've made your mind up. Well done to you it's definitely the right thing to do. DS must feel like crap with DH. DH should never put you in this situation.

Whatnotea · 04/07/2019 22:53

You will lose your son if you continue with this man

VladmirsPoutine · 04/07/2019 22:57

If this is true then the only resolution to this is straight-forward divorce. No ifs/buts/maybes. Get the fuck away from this man.