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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding and christening nightmare!!

127 replies

hmga90 · 04/07/2019 16:50

Hoping someone here can help.

My brother is due to get married next month, on a Saturday in Newcastle. My best friend (who is my absolute rock, like a sister to me and I’d be lost without her) is christening her baby on the Sunday near London and she has had asked me to be godmother.

Me and my brother don’t have a good relationship at all. At first he didn’t even want me at the wedding and has only given in as my dad is so upset

He’s having a church ceremony then a sit down meal at a local restaurant with close family and friends. No formal reception/party so (at his admission) it should all be over by 10/11.

I was going to leave after the meal, go home and have a couple of hours sleep and then travel to London.

My mum is in hysterics over it. He’s having an informal BBQ the next day for extended family/friends to come to as a form of reception. I’ve pointed out to her he won’t even bothered and didn’t even want me at the wedding but no, apparently I’m unreasonable

So I’m in a bit of a pickle. Do I break the heart of the one person who has been there for me through thick and thin or attend something I know I’m not really welcome to to keep face??

OP posts:
fiorentina · 04/07/2019 16:51

I’d leave and go to the christening. You’re attending the main ceremony and your friend has been loyal to you.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 04/07/2019 16:52

Go to the christening

Greensleeves · 04/07/2019 16:52

No-brainer. Go to the christening. Your mum's opinion is irrelevant.

Pinkmalinky · 04/07/2019 16:53

I wouldn’t bother going to the wedding at all tbh.

Brefugee · 04/07/2019 16:53

Leave and go to the christening as you planned - you'll have been at the important part of the wedding.

Although, knowing what families can be like, you'll never hear the end of this. Or worse.

BishopofBathandWells · 04/07/2019 16:53

I'd leave and go to the christening. This friend thinks so much of you she's asked you to be godparent to her child. Your brother invited you probably under duress from your parents. Obviously that'll cause a bit of a shitstorm for you from your parents, but I don't think you'd be unreasonable to leave.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/07/2019 16:59

Go to the christening. Your brother won't care, your best mate will love having you there and your Mum sounds ridiculous.

VivienneHolt · 04/07/2019 17:00

Not even a question - go to the christening. Tell you mother to poke her manipulative beak elsewhere.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/07/2019 17:00

Oh God I missed the bit about being a godparent. No question. Christening!

BlueSkiesLies · 04/07/2019 17:01

Christening trumps BBQ

Theknacktoflying · 04/07/2019 17:05

Go to the Christening ... no brainer

But ..... it would be better if you could make things sweet and clear with your family about not attending the bbq. It could be overkill but could you not contribute in a small way to the Bbq?

Snowy81 · 04/07/2019 17:07

Go to the Christening

Millie2018 · 04/07/2019 17:10

Go to the christening and ignore your mum.

RuggerHug · 04/07/2019 17:10

Christening and point out that the BBQ wasn't even on the invite if your DM brings it up again.

bridgetreilly · 04/07/2019 17:10

Stick with your original plan. Also, on the Saturday, make sure you explain to several family members why you can't be there on the Sunday, so that no one gets the chance to rewrite that in your absence.

ohhelloitsyou · 04/07/2019 17:11

Christening over bbq your parents sound over controlling. They shouldn’t have to force your brother to invite anyone and they also can’t force you to drop commitments to things like being a godparent over a bbq regardless of what the bbq is for. Next time your mother tries it on tell her she’s being too controlling and to let your brother enjoy his wedding in peace!

Knitwit99 · 04/07/2019 17:19

What a nightmare. Do you live near the wedding or the christening? Or nowhere near either?

I'd go to the wedding ceremony then leave and go to the christening the next day. Be where you will be happiest and where people will be happiest to see you.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 04/07/2019 17:21

I think you've probably got the gist by now, but I agree - go to the Christening.

flumposie · 04/07/2019 17:22

Christening 100 %

KnittingSister · 04/07/2019 17:22

Christening Grin

WinterRose92 · 04/07/2019 17:23

Definitely go to the Christening.

Gertie75 · 04/07/2019 17:24

Definitely the christening, I'm the same as you in that I'm not close to my brother yet my best friend is like a sister, I wouldn't even go to the wedding, I'd travel to London the day before and spend more time with my friend.

7sausagedoggys · 04/07/2019 17:24

Definitely the christening.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 04/07/2019 17:25

Send your dm to the wedding with a cardboard cutout of you. I bet db won't give a shiney shit..

Drum2018 · 04/07/2019 17:25

If you weren't originally invited to the wedding I wouldn't be going just because your parents want you there. If your brother didn't want you there then he shouldn't have had his decision challenged by your parents. I'd definitely go to the christening. Whether I'd make the effort to go to the wedding, I'm not so sure.