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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding and christening nightmare!!

127 replies

hmga90 · 04/07/2019 16:50

Hoping someone here can help.

My brother is due to get married next month, on a Saturday in Newcastle. My best friend (who is my absolute rock, like a sister to me and I’d be lost without her) is christening her baby on the Sunday near London and she has had asked me to be godmother.

Me and my brother don’t have a good relationship at all. At first he didn’t even want me at the wedding and has only given in as my dad is so upset

He’s having a church ceremony then a sit down meal at a local restaurant with close family and friends. No formal reception/party so (at his admission) it should all be over by 10/11.

I was going to leave after the meal, go home and have a couple of hours sleep and then travel to London.

My mum is in hysterics over it. He’s having an informal BBQ the next day for extended family/friends to come to as a form of reception. I’ve pointed out to her he won’t even bothered and didn’t even want me at the wedding but no, apparently I’m unreasonable

So I’m in a bit of a pickle. Do I break the heart of the one person who has been there for me through thick and thin or attend something I know I’m not really welcome to to keep face??

OP posts:
Tavannach · 04/07/2019 20:34

Stick with your plan. Brother's wedding on the Saturday, Christening on the Sunday. Tell your DM to pipe down - you're a godparent. You can't miss it. And as you've already accepted that invitation good manners mean that it has precedence.

Alliumlove · 04/07/2019 20:37

Baptism definitely! I’m sure you will be a lovely godparent.

PentreBachCymraeg · 04/07/2019 21:08

Your mother is doing a 'Hyacinth'.I wouldn't go to a wedding knowing i wasn't originally wanted there. Stuff that. Enjoy the christening!

SecretMillionaire · 04/07/2019 21:20

Another vote for the Christening.

I would most certainly decline any invitation which was given under duress. Your DM is only concerned about appearances and not wanting to answer awkward questions to explain your absence

You are not just a guest at the Christening you have pivotal role and are valued highly enough to be a godparent

DocusDiplo · 04/07/2019 21:27

This is gonna be unanimous.

NauseousMum · 04/07/2019 21:35

Christening, definitely.

QueenEnid · 04/07/2019 21:37

Christening 100%.

foreverhanging · 04/07/2019 21:54

Oh I'd absolutely go to the christening. Your friend is your family more than your brother

LovelyJubblee · 04/07/2019 22:02

I left my sisters wedding after the wedding breakfast to drive two hours to my school friends evening reception. No biggie. She didn't mind

GladAllOver · 04/07/2019 22:06

Christening, of course.

dothewalkoflife · 04/07/2019 22:13

In agreement with all of the above!!

Just remind yourself, however your mum is behaving, you are an adult now, she no longer makes decisions for you!!

Hope you have a lovely time at the Christening.

fargo123 · 05/07/2019 00:13

Christening.

I wouldn't even go to the wedding at all considering he didn't invite you in the first place. Stuff that!

Original poster
hmga90 · 05/07/2019 00:19

Thank you everyone. Didn’t mean to post and run but had to rush to work.

So things have gotten worse...

Had a text of Brothers fiancée while I was in work. Mum has spoken to her and told her I can’t be arsed going to the BBQ because “I’ll be too busy running round after a drug addict” (best friend has had issues with drugs in the past, has been clean for over 6 years and doesn’t even touch a drop of alcohol now a days never mind anything else) and has told me not to bother coming to the ceremony.

Needless to say, regardless of their opinion, I won’t be attending after that comment anyway.

Absolutely devastated in a way but not surprised

Thank you everyone Flowers

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 05/07/2019 00:19

Your plan sounds fine. Even if you were close to brother missing bbq day after would be fine. You are going to actual wedding.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/07/2019 00:21

Sorry just read your update. It’s your mum that’s the issue. Can you speak to brother and fiancée tomorrow and explain you would like to come to wedding but are a godparent day after (not cba)

BlueSuffragette · 05/07/2019 00:23

Sorry OP. Your mum is our of order and the bride has took the hump with you. I'd just go to the ceremony then head to London for the christening. If you really dont want to go to the wedding then dont.

chipsnmayo · 05/07/2019 00:25

Thats awful OP, you are better off out of the wedding. Let them sulk.

For goodness sake its just a BBQ too, what an over reaction. My niece had a BBQ the night before her wedding which I skipped because I was a single parent and I didn't want to leave my teen DD home alone for two nights (she wasn't invited and wedding was hours away).

Family didn't mind at all and understood my reasons.

AutumnCrow · 05/07/2019 00:30

Your mother is waaay out of order.

MidniteScribbler · 05/07/2019 00:49

They aren't people I would cross the road for, let alone go to a wedding and BBQ with. You're better off well away from them.

Ilady · 05/07/2019 02:03

Your mother is way out of order here. You explained why you can't go to the BBQ. She then went to the bride and painted your friend in a bad light. The bride is probably stressed over the wedding and feels you can't be bothered to share in "her big event" so told you don't bother coming.
So your mother has ended up making things worse due to her meddling.
Could you chat to your brother and his wife to be and tell them you can go to the wedding and explain why you can't go to the BBQ?
If they are not happy with this well you know you tried to sort things out.
If you go to the wedding I would say to a few chatty relatives why you won't be at the BBQ the next day so your mother can't bad mouth you.
I know for most people as they get older they suit themselves especially when dealing with difficult family members or difficult family situations.

Winterlife · 05/07/2019 03:49

Tell your mother you weren’t invited to the bbq, and you didn’t know about it when you committed to the christening.

Winterlife · 05/07/2019 04:06

Oops. Posted before I read your update.

I suggest you speak to your father, not your mother.

MrsBertBibby · 05/07/2019 06:09

Christ your mother loves the drama doesn't she?

Enjoy the christening and your family of choice.

LagunaBubbles · 05/07/2019 06:15

Well that answers that then! Even before your update I would have said christening.

harriethoyle · 05/07/2019 06:25

Your mother sounds toxic. But makes choice to go to christening much easier.

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