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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding and christening nightmare!!

127 replies

hmga90 · 04/07/2019 16:50

Hoping someone here can help.

My brother is due to get married next month, on a Saturday in Newcastle. My best friend (who is my absolute rock, like a sister to me and I’d be lost without her) is christening her baby on the Sunday near London and she has had asked me to be godmother.

Me and my brother don’t have a good relationship at all. At first he didn’t even want me at the wedding and has only given in as my dad is so upset

He’s having a church ceremony then a sit down meal at a local restaurant with close family and friends. No formal reception/party so (at his admission) it should all be over by 10/11.

I was going to leave after the meal, go home and have a couple of hours sleep and then travel to London.

My mum is in hysterics over it. He’s having an informal BBQ the next day for extended family/friends to come to as a form of reception. I’ve pointed out to her he won’t even bothered and didn’t even want me at the wedding but no, apparently I’m unreasonable

So I’m in a bit of a pickle. Do I break the heart of the one person who has been there for me through thick and thin or attend something I know I’m not really welcome to to keep face??

OP posts:
MyNewBearTotoro · 05/07/2019 06:32

It sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from the wedding! Your mother and brother both sound awful. I would be distancing myself from them as best I can.

Enjoy the christening with your friend and her lovely baby.

daisyboocantoo · 05/07/2019 06:35

Goodness @hmga90 , your family don't come off well. If I was you, I would book myself into a nice spa or something that day, destress and be on top form for the christening.

I'm sorry that they have behaved this way. Xx

YoThePussy · 05/07/2019 06:42

I would forward the text to your DF and explain that under the circumstances you will not be attending the wedding at all as per the brides wishes.

Toffeecakes · 05/07/2019 06:51

Is your mum the catalyst for the problems between you and your brother? At this point I’d be asking to meet with your brother and his fiancé, discussing the situation with them and seeing how the land lies. If they still decide to be like this then don’t go to any of it.

DogHasEatenTheSqueaker · 05/07/2019 07:21

Ceremony, speeches, ‘how lovely, congratulations to you both’, jump on a train, decent nights kip, and then have a lovely day with people who aren’t taking the piss

Sexnotgender · 05/07/2019 09:24

Your mother sounds like a bloody nightmare!

She is actively creating discord.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/07/2019 09:25

Your DB's fiancee sounds as charming as your DM.

Sod that, chill out on the Sat or ask your friend if there's anything you can to do help prepare her for the Christening; go and squeeze your godchild and enjoy without all the stress of legging it back across the country.

VampirateQueen · 05/07/2019 09:59

Well your update makes the decision easier, don't bother with your brothers wedding at all, have a relaxing Sunday and go to the christening.
Keep the message from your brothers fiance and if anyone asks why you didn't go to the wedding show them the message.

GladAllOver · 05/07/2019 10:30

I'd still go to the wedding to show goodwill, then leave.

ChairNTable · 05/07/2019 11:10

I agree with @VampirateQueen Easy decision.

@GladAllOver Why? They don't want her there and have made that very clear. Goodwill would be doing what they want, as in not going.

Happynow001 · 05/07/2019 11:26

My goodness - what on Earth did your mother think would happen by behaving in this toxic manner? If she thought to influence anything positive she has seriously shot her self in the foot, both for your brother's wedding and her own relationship with you in the future.

I'm glad you can now focus on your lovely friend instead and hope you have a lovely day. Tune out your family for a while.

ollo · 05/07/2019 11:34

Your mum is a piece of work and I'd forward her the message from your DB's fiancée and question what the hell she is doing being so bloody rude about your best friend.

As for the wedding, I'd definitely not go after that and save the message in case anyone asks why. Sounds like a lot of drama with not being invited, forced to invite and then invite rescinded.

Have a nice relaxing Saturday and maybe stay away from family for a while.

ShartGoblin · 05/07/2019 11:34

I also think you need to talk to your brother. Obviously context is key and I know nothing about why you don't get on but your posts give the strong impression that your mother is the problem here and she may well have caused the rift in the first place.

I've got one of these types in my family and half of us don't speak to each other because of her gossip and spiteful twisting of the truth. It's taken many years to realise that she is not a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong, she causes drama so that she can be a shoulder to cry on.

HypatiaCade · 05/07/2019 11:38

I'd be tempted to send your M a message saying "Well done mum, now I'm not going to the wedding at all." And then refuse to answer the phone when she rings.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 05/07/2019 11:45

Another vote for christening.

And a text to fiancée clarifying that you are a godparent, not cba.

And then avoid your mother as much as possible.

MoltenMountain · 05/07/2019 11:50

Definitely christening!
Along with a text back to your brother's fiancee something like:
"lol, you know how over-dramatic mum can be! I have been invited to a christening and am standing as godmother. This was arranged before I knew about your bbq"

mbosnz · 05/07/2019 12:05

I'd be forwarding that text to your Mother, saying 'this is on your head and conscience. What you have said about my best friend says absolutely nothing about her, but everything about you'.

I'd also forward that response on to your brother's fiancee, saying 'best wishes for your big day, and wishing you every happiness'.

And then go off with a skip in my step, to enjoy being with the people who I really care about, and who truly care about me, leaving them to 'enjoy' their shitfest in peace.

RockinHippy · 05/07/2019 12:14

Go to the christening

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/07/2019 12:18

Go to the Christening!!!!!!!!!!!

LemonBreeland · 05/07/2019 12:39

I'd be tempted to send your M a message saying "Well done mum, now I'm not going to the wedding at all." And then refuse to answer the phone when she rings.

This in spades

GladAllOver · 05/07/2019 13:10

@GladAllOver Why? They don't want her there and have made that very clear. Goodwill would be doing what they want, as in not going.

To show that I make my own choices and would not be told by them where I was going or not going.
But that's just me.

Yeahnahmum · 05/07/2019 13:17

Rock over brother. Easy pick

FuckBrussel · 05/07/2019 13:17

I'd be forwarding that text to your Mother, saying 'this is on your head and conscience. What you have said about my best friend says absolutely nothing about her, but everything about you'.

I'd also forward that response on to your brother's fiancee, saying 'best wishes for your big day, and wishing you every happiness'.

And then go off with a skip in my step, to enjoy being with the people who I really care about, and who truly care about me, leaving them to 'enjoy' their shitfest in peace.

This is what I'd do, in light of your update. I do feel for you.

Drum2018 · 06/07/2019 22:57

I wouldn't bother my arse contacting any of them again. If your brother chooses to believe your mother's shit then let them all go to hell. You'll be so much more appreciated at the christening. You can now go to London the day before the christening, take your time travelling, and make a nice weekend of it, leaving the wedding and all the shit it entails well and truly behind you.

Afterwards I'd keep a distance from your mother and don't bother telling her anything about what you're up to in your life at all so she can't spread crap about you to your brother/his fiancée. Live for yourself and your happiness.

ColdCottage · 06/07/2019 23:03

I would leave and go to the christening too.