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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding and christening nightmare!!

127 replies

hmga90 · 04/07/2019 16:50

Hoping someone here can help.

My brother is due to get married next month, on a Saturday in Newcastle. My best friend (who is my absolute rock, like a sister to me and I’d be lost without her) is christening her baby on the Sunday near London and she has had asked me to be godmother.

Me and my brother don’t have a good relationship at all. At first he didn’t even want me at the wedding and has only given in as my dad is so upset

He’s having a church ceremony then a sit down meal at a local restaurant with close family and friends. No formal reception/party so (at his admission) it should all be over by 10/11.

I was going to leave after the meal, go home and have a couple of hours sleep and then travel to London.

My mum is in hysterics over it. He’s having an informal BBQ the next day for extended family/friends to come to as a form of reception. I’ve pointed out to her he won’t even bothered and didn’t even want me at the wedding but no, apparently I’m unreasonable

So I’m in a bit of a pickle. Do I break the heart of the one person who has been there for me through thick and thin or attend something I know I’m not really welcome to to keep face??

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 04/07/2019 17:29

I think your mum is only really bothered about how it looks if your not there, she knows you and your brother are not close but by having you there she can pretend to everyone that you both get on and won’t have to explain your absence.

Go to the christening

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 04/07/2019 17:31

Christening

IDontGiveABagOfDicks · 04/07/2019 17:33

Christening. Your parents are arseholes. To both you and your brother.

Dropitlikeitshot · 04/07/2019 17:35

Go to the Christening, and tell your parents to get a grip.

TeenTimesTwo · 04/07/2019 17:35

Ceremony on Sat. Christening on Sun.

Apolloanddaphne · 04/07/2019 17:37

Do as you have planned. Wedding on Sat and christening on Sunday.

Redglitter · 04/07/2019 17:40

No question about it - The Christening

You've agreed to go to the wedding to keep the peace as it is. Theres no need to be at a second function for it the next day. If your Mum doesn't like it - tough

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/07/2019 17:47

You were invited to the christening and are a godmother then you got a belated invite to attend your brothers wedding and now the bbq.

You have a prior engagement. It would be incredibly rude and devastating to cancel on your friend.

thedevondumpling · 04/07/2019 17:47

Christening. I didn't go to my brothers wedding so might not be the best judge.

VeThings · 04/07/2019 17:50

I’m not sure I’d even go to the meal, tbh, just the ceremony. Wouldn’t want to feel I’d been imposed on someone.

H2OH20Everywhere · 04/07/2019 17:50

Christening.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 04/07/2019 17:51

"I'm the Godparent mum, and I had already accepted the invitation. You taught me to have decent manners - I cannot now decline"

I guess your mum wants to pretend it is all lovely and happy and shiny - and I don't blame her wanting this but you definitely shouldn't be guilted into letting your friend down.

LizB62A · 04/07/2019 17:58

Go to the christening.
You don't want to go to the wedding, your brother doesn't want you to go to the wedding.

It's really nothing to do with your mum - she'll just have to lump it ....

Omzlas · 04/07/2019 18:00

Your mum is more bothered about appearances

I wouldn't even go to the wedding TBH

Definitely christening.

ThomasRichard · 04/07/2019 18:00

Go to the Christening. If you’re not bothered about any sort of relationship with your brother then don’t bother with the wedding. If you want to keep some semblance of the peace then go but catch a flight from Newcastle to London instead of staying up all night driving.

LadyBrienneofTarth · 04/07/2019 18:01

Send a lovely card and present to your brother wishing them all the best and politely declining - then go to the christening

I would NOT be doing both - madness

CraicMammy · 04/07/2019 18:03

I’m going to go out on a limb and say BBQ...

Only joking! Do the wedding, leave early to get decent sleep and then ENJOY the christening next day.

Geminijes · 04/07/2019 18:06

Do what YOU want to do and not what other people want you or expect you to do.

It's your life, so make your own decisions and not let yourself be persuaded by others.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 04/07/2019 18:11

Another vote for the Christening from me!

PhillipeFellope · 04/07/2019 18:12

Go to the Christening. Send your brother a card to say congratulations.

Sexnotgender · 04/07/2019 18:16

Definitely go to the christening.

Random bbq day after wedding is of zero consequence and your mother is being ridiculous.

BookwormMe2 · 04/07/2019 18:19

Christening. And tell your mum if she continues to make a song and dance about it after forcing your brother to invite you in the first place, you'll pull out of the wedding entirely.

TremblingFanjo · 04/07/2019 18:28

Stick with your original plan. Also, on the Saturday, make sure you explain to several family members why you can't be there on the Sunday, so that no one gets the chance to rewrite that in your absence. This.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/07/2019 18:33

Does anyone in your family ever do what they want and not what someone else wants?

Your dad makes your brother invite you. Your mother wants to make you go to the Sunday do.....

I really think it is weird to go to the wedding of someone who doesn't want you to be there! Tell that to your parents and just go to the Christening all fresh, for people who you really want to be with.

daisyboocantoo · 04/07/2019 18:33

Agree with everyone else, go to the christening!!!