Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your baby for a week?

115 replies

UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:01

Long story short - we booked a holiday last year before I found out if I was pregnant. We are due to go on Saturday. When DS was born we added him to the booking and arranged his passport so we could take him with us. DS is now 3 months old. DP has said he is not going on the trip and wants DS to stay at home with him for the week. DS is a very unsettled baby and cried a lot. DP said he doesn’t feel it’s in DS best interests to be dragged on a plane for 5 hours where he will probably cry most of the time then be stuck in doors for the week because it will be too hot to take him out and he has to remain shaded at all times. He wants me and our 2 DD’s (8&12) to go and enjoy the holiday. He has assured me DS will be well looked after - he is a great father and I know he is more than capable of holding the fort for a week (his mum and sister have offered to help out as they are both off work that week) but I just don’t know if I can be away from my baby for that length of time. I don’t know what affect it would have on such a small baby being away from its mum for a week. Baby is FF.

AIU to ask what you would do in this situation?

OP posts:
IceRebel · 04/07/2019 09:04

Since it's all paid for and the youngest has a passport, I would all go. Then you can take it in turns to stay in the shade with the baby. It would be a pretty crap holiday for you, as you'll be thinking about the baby all the time.

Aworldofmyown · 04/07/2019 09:05

I would go, for your older children if nothing else. It's not fair they miss out on their holiday. The break may do you good!!

If you really can't, would you be happy for him to go and you stay?

Tinyteatime · 04/07/2019 09:07

I wouldn’t want to be away from a baby so young for a whole week myself. Surely if you must split up it Would make more sense for your dp to go with the older 2?

Zaeem5 · 04/07/2019 09:08

You should either all go, or he just takes the girls and you stay with the baby.
People take babies on holiday all the time. It’s booked now, just go.

Original poster
UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:09

I want us all to go and take it in turns to look after DS/DD’s. He is adamant he isn’t going and wants me and DD’s to go and enjoy the break. I know his intentions are good and a week is nothing really in the grand scheme of things, but I can’t bear the thought of our baby crying because he misses me.

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 04/07/2019 09:10

Get your dh to take the older two. Makes much more sense.

IceRebel · 04/07/2019 09:12

He is adamant he isn’t going

This seems more about him than the baby. I understand he's trying to minimise the crying but babies cry, even if you try your hardest to prevent it. All of you going seems like the most sensible option, and his resistance would spoil the holiday for me.

Original poster
UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:12

He won’t take the older 2. He wants me and the girls to go. I had quite traumatic birth, which I’m only just recovering from so he wants us to go and relax for a week without having to worry about DS.

OP posts:
Fivebyfivesq · 04/07/2019 09:13

All go.

  1. You can manage
  2. You will be miserable and miss your baby while you’re away and will be on the phone to DH constantly and drive him insane 😂

We took our baby long haul when they were this small! Everyone adored seeing a baby, loads of air con as it was a properly hot country, people bending over backwards to help us and actually because he was still totally BF it was easier than it would be now.

On the flip side - I went to a hen do overnight when he was three months old and had to come home first thing the next morning because I missed him so much. Now he’s seven months we leave him with my parents occasionally overnight and it’s much easier now but I’m not sure I could have done a week at 3m.

Original poster
UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:14

I think my only option may be to take the 3 of them myself. As I said, he’s adamant he isn’t going.

OP posts:
Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 04/07/2019 09:15

Oh hell no.
It won't do your recovery any good to be away from him either. Tell DH you're taking baby with you and will be taking all the necessary precautions in the sun. You'd be keeping the other two shaded for the hottest part of the day anyway surely?

crustycrab · 04/07/2019 09:16

If his intentions are good then he'll come with you rather than let you take all 3 alone and do it all yourself.

Babies go on holiday all the time!

Fivebyfivesq · 04/07/2019 09:16

I think he has to remember that you and the baby are basically so bonded you’re still attached at this point. So splitting you up doesn’t really work even if well meant.

CarolDanvers · 04/07/2019 09:18

This entrenched position of him not going sounds a bit odd to me. No I couldn't leave my baby for a week and would take all my children myself - I regularly holiday as a single parent with two children with autism so do know the realities. If he still doesn't come then I would really be questioning what's going on with him.

MammaMia19 · 04/07/2019 09:18

I think it’s a bit rude he’s just decided he’s not going and staying home with the baby. There needs to be more discussion around it rather than simply refuse to go and keep the baby.
I think it’s actually easier to take babies than toddlers on holiday. I took dc on a 10 hour flight when he was 8mo and it was fine! It’s definitely easier before they are mobile too.
I would be happy to leave baby as well but it’s really up to you.

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 04/07/2019 09:19

Sounds like he just can't be arsed going.

Original poster
UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:19

The other 2 are never out of the pool so, no I won’t be keeping them shaded all day. They will however, have sun protection and hats on if they are in the sun between 11am - 4pm. I am staying in a bungalow aparthotel so the pool is right outside my front door so I would be keeping DS shaded in the porch while DD’s play in the pool.

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 04/07/2019 09:20

So he'd leave you alone with 3 DC because he doesn't feel like going, despite your traumatic birth and being unable to be away from your tiny baby for a week? He sounds like an arse! He's trying to couch it as doing you a favour, but what he's really doing is selfishly ruining a pre-planned, pre-booked holiday by having a last minute strop. What a dick.

I don't know a single mother who would be ok with being away from a 3-month-old baby for a whole week.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 04/07/2019 09:20

Do you know/understand why he's so insistent? It seems odd that he's so desperate not to go when he chose to book the holiday.

We did long haul when the DC were babies and they were pretty much fuss-free; keeping them happy now that they're older is much tougher.

I's sit him down and tell him your new family rule is one in all in and either you all go or none of you do.

hookiwooki · 04/07/2019 09:21

I wouldn't go without my baby, no.

Some mothers obviously have to leave their very young children for working away etc), but I doubt they would do so by choice.

Your body is all the baby knew for the duration of your pregnancy (not to mention that your DS has been all your body has known for that length of time) , and I assume you've never been separated for any real length of time before.

It would be hard on DS, DH would not get a break for even 5 minutes, it wouldn't be fair on DDs because you probably wouldn't relax or enjoy the holiday, and you need to consider that particularly this early on, PND is a risk (more so if you have any previous mental health issues). Even without that risk, it's not fair to ask a new mum (even though not first time) to be away from her baby for so long.

So it would be a big fat no for me.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 04/07/2019 09:24

I couldn't have enjoyed leaving my babies for a week when they're that young - even more so if they're unsettled, actually, because they need comfort more. However, if he's a good dad and hands on carer, and it's what YOU want then all would be fine.

However maybe your DH is catastrophising a bit. 5 hours travel at 3 months should be fine, he should sleep a fair bit or if he doesn't, he'd be crying at home anyway and all you can do is your best. Babies do live in hot countries, you can bring shade and cool packs and take turns doing things out with your older two or home with the baby if you need, then at least you both get some of the sun and you aren't separated for a week.

53rdWay · 04/07/2019 09:24

So if you took the baby DP still wouldn’t go? Why on earth not?

IWouldPreferNotTo · 04/07/2019 09:27

I know all babies are different but this might reassure you. We took our baby to poland (three times) and Portugal between three and five months.

Portugal was 25c and Poland where we are now is 30-35c and its just a case of being sensible.

Yes, the plane journey did have some crying but that's just life. Babies cry, people might not love it but it's 2 to 4 hours out of their life where its a little bit less than ideal.

MaudeLynne · 04/07/2019 09:27

He doesn't want to go with you. It's not the baby, that's just a convenient excuse. He wants to stay home without you for some reason, what is it?

riotlady · 04/07/2019 09:32

I would be really annoyed that he’s dressing this up as being helpful - “oh no, you go and I’ll stay home, you need a rest”- when actually he’s making life difficult.

There’s nothing wrong with going if you want to, but it sounds like you’d struggle away from your baby and thats understandable. I had a night away at the same age and it was fine but I couldn’t have coped with longer