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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your baby for a week?

115 replies

UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:01

Long story short - we booked a holiday last year before I found out if I was pregnant. We are due to go on Saturday. When DS was born we added him to the booking and arranged his passport so we could take him with us. DS is now 3 months old. DP has said he is not going on the trip and wants DS to stay at home with him for the week. DS is a very unsettled baby and cried a lot. DP said he doesn’t feel it’s in DS best interests to be dragged on a plane for 5 hours where he will probably cry most of the time then be stuck in doors for the week because it will be too hot to take him out and he has to remain shaded at all times. He wants me and our 2 DD’s (8&12) to go and enjoy the holiday. He has assured me DS will be well looked after - he is a great father and I know he is more than capable of holding the fort for a week (his mum and sister have offered to help out as they are both off work that week) but I just don’t know if I can be away from my baby for that length of time. I don’t know what affect it would have on such a small baby being away from its mum for a week. Baby is FF.

AIU to ask what you would do in this situation?

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 04/07/2019 10:05

It seems very odd that he's just decided to check out in a family holiday. Is there other stuff going on? Is there anyone else who could take his place Mum or sister maybe? I wouldn't want to leave a three month old baby either.

Apolloanddaphne · 04/07/2019 10:07

Sounds very odd. I would tell him you are going with all 3 children. I think the choice he makes on knowing that will tell you everything.

Morgan12 · 04/07/2019 10:09

Have you told him you are taking all 3? His utter refusal to go seems strange to me. If you are taking DS anyway then what would be his reason to not go?

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 04/07/2019 10:09

It's really weird that he's suddenly decided he's not going! Can you get to the bottom of why that is?

cestlavielife · 04/07/2019 10:10

Leave him behind take a family member or au pair type person instead

Whenwhowhat · 04/07/2019 10:13

So he's saying he doesn't want to go on holiday with the baby or the girls on his own. He just doesn't want to go on holiday at all then, but why?

Atalune · 04/07/2019 10:19

I think you and the older two will have a lovely time! Do it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/07/2019 10:19

I wouldn’t leave my baby, no way in hell. But this is more about by he’s refusing to come. I’m perplexed.

anothernotherone · 04/07/2019 10:21

Ask him if he'll go if you leave the baby with his mother.

I don't that you should leave the baby, but I think his answer will tell you an awful lot...

Are you close to his mother and sister? Do you think they'd tell you if he was having an affair?

Treaclesweet · 04/07/2019 10:24

He's being a dick. He's not bring nice. If he was being nice he would be listening to you and your needs, not deciding them for you.

girlsname · 04/07/2019 10:36

Sorry but my answer would be 'no absolutely not'. I have a 9 week old (my third baby too) and I wouldn't dream of leaving her for a week.
I've no doubt DH would love after her but I would feel completely anxious/lost/guilty and so it would ruin the holiday anyway. Why on earth don't you all go together? Splitting the family up seems ridiculous

girlsname · 04/07/2019 10:40

Just to add, if you had to travel with a baby at any age that would be the easiest. The heat isn't an excuse either, we live in Australia where summer is pretty much permanently over 35 and cope just fine! Does your husband have an ulterior motive?

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 04/07/2019 10:41

So you've had a traumatic birth and his idea of helping you is to bail on a pre planned holiday, leave you with sole care of two children, and then 'give you a break' by separating you from your newborn so he can palm him off on his mum and have a week to himself.

What a prince.

I'd be telling him I expect him to go on the holiday as planned, and help you with the three children.

BottomliePotts · 04/07/2019 10:42

I'll come 🙋‍♀️

I'd have to bring my 12yo DS, 7yo DS and 1yo DD. It might be cramped

GabriellaMontez · 04/07/2019 10:47

I wouldn't leave my baby.

Sounds like he may be counting on you feel ing the same and leaving him at home for week of peace.

jamoncrumpets · 04/07/2019 10:50

He's forcing you to be the bad guy here, by pushing his decision to break up the family holiday onto you. Of course you shouldn't take the children away on your own, it's incredibly stressful. He's opting out OP.

LIZS · 04/07/2019 10:52

Sounds lime he wants a break from you all. Hmm Can you take someone else along?

Divgirl2 · 04/07/2019 10:53

Absolutely not. Absolutely not a chance.

Why is he being so difficult? Is he usually like this?

WeedsAndMoss · 04/07/2019 10:54

Not jn a million years would I be away from my baby for that long. 3 nights is my max away from my pre-schooler!!

Echobelly · 04/07/2019 10:56

I agree with people who have said that families travel with 3 month old babies all the time - including to hot, sunny places, including unsettled babies. You don't have to obsessively avoid any sun whatsoever, just be sensible in keeping DS lightly covered (loose short-sleeved rompers I found were great for this) and hydrated

Hotpinkangel19 · 04/07/2019 11:00

I absolutely would not be leaving my baby! What is he thinking!

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 04/07/2019 11:05

Would I leave a formula fed baby at home with his father for a week? Ummm absolutely, his the father and as breast feeding isn’t an issue I can’t really see the problem with it. Your not leaving bay with sue from down the road it’s the FATHER for crying out loud.

I think especially as mothers we think a baby can’t cope without us but you know what most are absolutely fine, more so when with the other parent.

user1474894224 · 04/07/2019 11:09

Is he worried that a crying baby will upset other holiday goers? You said baby is very unsettled and cries a lot. Maybe DH is just concerned that this won't be ideal in close accomodation. How is baby through the night? Does he still cry a lot? How do you settle him? Does it involve a lot of your DH taking baby downstairs so as not to wake the rest of you?

My DH is quite an anxious person and I could imagine this being him. He wouldn't take our other 2 on his own because he would be too anxious with the whole thing. He would be able to look after the kids at home and manage.

However I wouldn't be able to leave my 3 month old for even one night.

Don't go in all guns blazing. Can you reschedule the holiday for 6 months times? And take the girls on some lovely day trips instead?

happyasasandboy · 04/07/2019 12:06

In your situation I'd take the three children with me and leave grumpy at home. I wouldn't want to be apart from my baby for that long, especially when so young.

Your older daughters are old enough to carry things, gold the baby, buy things in a shop/cafe when you're close by etc etc, so I think you'd be fine with three of them on holiday Smile Yes, you'll still have broken nights and baby care to do, but at least you'll be in a warm place and the older ones will be entertained by the pool Smile

PapayaCoconut · 04/07/2019 12:15

His reason for not wanting to go isn't the baby, if he's ok with you going with the children. So what is it?

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