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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you leave your baby for a week?

115 replies

UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:01

Long story short - we booked a holiday last year before I found out if I was pregnant. We are due to go on Saturday. When DS was born we added him to the booking and arranged his passport so we could take him with us. DS is now 3 months old. DP has said he is not going on the trip and wants DS to stay at home with him for the week. DS is a very unsettled baby and cried a lot. DP said he doesn’t feel it’s in DS best interests to be dragged on a plane for 5 hours where he will probably cry most of the time then be stuck in doors for the week because it will be too hot to take him out and he has to remain shaded at all times. He wants me and our 2 DD’s (8&12) to go and enjoy the holiday. He has assured me DS will be well looked after - he is a great father and I know he is more than capable of holding the fort for a week (his mum and sister have offered to help out as they are both off work that week) but I just don’t know if I can be away from my baby for that length of time. I don’t know what affect it would have on such a small baby being away from its mum for a week. Baby is FF.

AIU to ask what you would do in this situation?

OP posts:

CodenameVillanelle · 05/07/2019 06:48

No I wouldn't go.
And I'd be absolutely furious with DP for ruining the holiday. What IS his problem?

Wallywobbles · 05/07/2019 06:53

Yes. I would. But I'm aware that's rare on MN.

Divebar · 05/07/2019 06:59

It’s not about the father being able to provide the care it’s about the baby needing the mother.

Marmozet · 05/07/2019 07:04

I think there's something else going on entirely here.

Bouncebacker · 05/07/2019 07:08

I wouldn’t have left my baby at that age for a week - I couldn’t have left either of them for more than a couple of hours even with their Dad. I would say to your husband that you will take all three kids if he doesn’t want to come, but that you need a holiday AND you need to be with your kids.

And my first baby was really hard work, unsettled, nearly slept etc - sometimes the best thing is a change of location and change of routine

RoseAndRose · 05/07/2019 07:11

I think things are not quite how they seem too, OP.

Tell him that if he's not going, no-one is going, because you are not prepared to be responsible solo for two small mobile DC in accommodation that near a pool.

You can rebook a different family holiday that is suitable for all of you. Yes, that's an expensive option, but tell your DP that some things are worth more than money.

I'm wondering what he's really planning on getting up to.

User8888888 · 05/07/2019 07:29

To be honest, the more sensible thing would be for him to take the older two and you stay at home. I dont think it’s really viable for you to take 3 on your own as you’ll have to concentrate on the baby and the combo of baby and two older ones swimming isn’t ideal. Also an unhappy baby probably would make the holiday miserable. It would be different if you had an easy one that slept though and was happy to chill in a bouncer.

On a different point, wouldn’t be taking the baby away until after the 16 week vaccinations but that’s a personal preference and lots of people do without issue.

stucknoue · 05/07/2019 07:30

Go, your baby will be fine, your elder dc's will love having their mum to themselves and you can catch up on sleep. You dp can use the time to bond with the baby, he sounds a very devoted dad, and he has back up. Yes you will miss baby but it's going to be fine

User8888888 · 05/07/2019 07:31

Oh just noticed the ages of 8 and 12 so they’d be pretty independent. I guess for me the decision for whether you went with 3 was how strong swimmers they were.

anothernotherone · 05/07/2019 07:34

stucknoue how's he a devoted dad if he's "adamant he's not going" even if the OP takes the baby with her?

He just doesn't want to go any more, on the holiday he booked with his wife and children.

He has something else in mind for that week.

MrsMiggins37 · 05/07/2019 07:44

*Would I leave a formula fed baby at home with his father for a week? Ummm absolutely, his the father and as breast feeding isn’t an issue I can’t really see the problem with it. Your not leaving bay with sue from down the road it’s the FATHER for crying out loud.

I think especially as mothers we think a baby can’t cope without us but you know what most are absolutely fine, more so when with the other parent.*

Babies form a bond with their mothers regardless of the methods of feeding. It could be damaging long term in terms of attachment for a baby to be separated from his mum. Obviously if mum is sick and in hospital for example there’s no choice but here there is. The baby is 3 months old, just because his mum isn’t a food source doesn’t mean he doesn’t need her. He’d feel abandoned and not know she’s coming back.

OP no I wouldn’t at 3 months old. But as others have said what’s really odd is his refusal to go on the holiday at all. What’s he really playing at?

OrchidInTheSun · 05/07/2019 07:48

I wonder what he's planning on doing that week while his family is away?

EdtheBear · 05/07/2019 07:51

Op I wouldn't leave a baby for a week.

Something odd is going on, MIL and SIL have both taken the week off work too. Makes me wonder what are they planning?
Could be an innocent week of playing mum and Dad chilling out!

But Is there a cultural thing of them wanting to take DS anywhere, esp since he has a passport?

azulmariposa · 05/07/2019 08:10

Can't you get somebody to call me along, change the name on the booking, and bring baby with you? At least then you'd have another adult there for support.

Sceptre86 · 05/07/2019 08:42

Why doesn't your oh want to go? I would probably take all 3 if I could manage it or invite his mum or sister to go with you instead of your oh , depending on how well you get on with them of course. I left my ds when he was much younger (6 weeks old) for two nights to go to a wedding in my dh's family. He stayed with my mum, who kept me supplied with endless photos. I didn't sleep for those two nights and missed my baby loads, if I could rewind time I wouldn't have gone. However, your lo is older and will be with his dad, who as you have said is more than capable.

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