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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you leave your baby for a week?

115 replies

UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:01

Long story short - we booked a holiday last year before I found out if I was pregnant. We are due to go on Saturday. When DS was born we added him to the booking and arranged his passport so we could take him with us. DS is now 3 months old. DP has said he is not going on the trip and wants DS to stay at home with him for the week. DS is a very unsettled baby and cried a lot. DP said he doesn’t feel it’s in DS best interests to be dragged on a plane for 5 hours where he will probably cry most of the time then be stuck in doors for the week because it will be too hot to take him out and he has to remain shaded at all times. He wants me and our 2 DD’s (8&12) to go and enjoy the holiday. He has assured me DS will be well looked after - he is a great father and I know he is more than capable of holding the fort for a week (his mum and sister have offered to help out as they are both off work that week) but I just don’t know if I can be away from my baby for that length of time. I don’t know what affect it would have on such a small baby being away from its mum for a week. Baby is FF.

AIU to ask what you would do in this situation?

OP posts:

TheRedBarrows · 04/07/2019 09:32

No I wouldn’t leave my 3m baby for a week to go on hol.

TheRedBarrows · 04/07/2019 09:33

Are the older 2 his?

Alyx80 · 04/07/2019 09:35

No I wouldn’t leave them, I barely left them for a few hours at that age. I’d go alone with the kids, very strange that your dh doesn’t want to go at all.

EmiliaAirheart · 04/07/2019 09:36

I wouldn’t leave a one year old for that long, let alone a three month old. It’s a hell no from me, regardless of whether you bf or not. Newborns aren’t meant to be separated from their mothers. You’re still a single unit at this point, as far as your baby is concerned. I’d be really concerned about why he’s dug his heels in about not going together, and how little he understands about babies to think it would be beneficial for you to be separated for that length of time. Is he the father of the eldest two?

MonkeyTrap · 04/07/2019 09:37

My baby is the same age and I couldn’t leave him.

I say you should all go.

AugieMarch · 04/07/2019 09:38

Why is he adamant he's not going? Because of the baby? Or is he actually saying adamant the baby isn't going?

PleaseGoogleIt · 04/07/2019 09:38

I took 4 month old DD to Florida! 9 hours and 2 weeks of hot weather - it was absolutely fine. Babies adjust easily.

Yes, she cried on the flight (she had a tummy upset which was perfect timing) but we coped and no one batted an eyelid - in fact plenty of people came and talked to me whilst stood rocking her and offered help.

Teddybear45 · 04/07/2019 09:38

Take the baby with you. Then tell your DH that if he wants to stay alone then he can but not to make excuses about the baby. My guess is he has made plans (possibly even with an OW if he’s usually such a dick).

WhyTho · 04/07/2019 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hanab · 04/07/2019 09:42

I would be more concerned as to why he does not want to holiday with you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fortheloveofscience · 04/07/2019 09:42

I wouldn’t go in those circumstances. And given he’s set out his stall with no room for discussion, you need to do the same: “DH I’m not going by myself with the older children. Either we all go or we all stay at home, your choice”

StellarLunar · 04/07/2019 09:43

If his intention is genuinely to help you tgeb he needs to listen to what you are telling him you need, namely to not be away from baby for a week.

If he is not prepared to facilitate the holiday the way that you are telling him that you are comfortable with, ie all of you together, then he's being a dick.

I imagine he figures it'll be him and the older girls in the pool and that seems like too much trouble.

There is no way I'd go without my baby.

Tolleshunt · 04/07/2019 09:44

This wouldn’t be good for you or baby.

I would be very blunt with him: ‘no DH, it’s not healthy for me and DS to be separated, and I won’t be doing it. You are not doing either of us a favour by taking this stance. I will be taking the baby on holiday. Why are you doing this? What is really behind this idea?’

Whenwillitstop1 · 04/07/2019 09:45

See I don't really get this, but then I've never understood the whole oh I couldn't leave my baby even for a night until they were 2 mentality. As I was ill after my son's birth he went to his grandparents every other weekend from when he was tiny, when he was 5 months old I went away for 4 nights. It was fine. I actually find it more difficult to leave him now he's 3 and is a little person. I think it's a bit much for everyone to assume no woman would want to leave her baby, everyone is different and for some it's fine. For you it isn't and I think your husband is making this more about him than you or your son, you're the one who has not long given birth, if you want him to come with you and bring your son then I think he needs to!

BearRabbitPants · 04/07/2019 09:45

Why doesn't he want to go? Sorry it's not very clear from your OP?
I personally would be absolutely livid if DH pulled out of a holiday last minute and it would really make me want to re-evaluate our marriage.. a holiday is such an expense / luxury I just don't think I could forgive him unless there was a very valid reason ie family death or he came down very unwell just before...

SmellMySmellbow · 04/07/2019 09:47

No. It's cruel on you and not good for baby. Take the baby with you. Let him do what he wants. As if you'll he able to relax on holiday when you're separated from your baby! Not good for your mental health at all and a recipe (considering traumatic birth) for pnd.

newmomof1 · 04/07/2019 09:48

Is it about him not wanting to go or him worrying about the baby in the heat?

Emelene · 04/07/2019 09:48

No I would not leave my 3 month old for a week, even with their dad.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 04/07/2019 09:49

Like the pp have said hes set on not going no matter what so you need to find out why

brainfrying · 04/07/2019 09:51

His behaviour sounds really odd, like it's an excuse to get rid of you. My baby is 10 months and no way would I go without her.

2strands · 04/07/2019 09:51

Has he said why the baby isn't to go?

I wouldn't have left dd for a week at 3 months, even with her dad.

anothernotherone · 04/07/2019 09:55

Your 09:14 post totally turns the whole thread on its head.

You going with the baby and both older children is a possibility, but he is adamant that he isn't going.

He won't go with the DD's and leave you with the baby, and he won't come along as a family with you and all 3 children.

This is nothing to do with the baby is it? It's all about "DP" not wanting to go any more!

anothernotherone · 04/07/2019 09:57

Is he seeing someone else locally whom he's planning on moving in for the week once you and your daughters are safely gone, or can he just not be arsed with the holiday?

FenellaMaxwell · 04/07/2019 09:59

You really think he wouldn’t go even if you were taking all the children....?

Original poster

UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 10:05

We travelled to Dubai with both DD’s when they were babies and it was totally fine. They were both 5 months old at the time of travel. I don’t know why he’s making such an issue of it - maybe he’s planning on leaving DS with his mother and sister and hoping to get a week of peace but it’s not happening. I’m taking the 3 kids myself.

OP posts:

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