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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your baby for a week?

115 replies

UserUser321 · 04/07/2019 09:01

Long story short - we booked a holiday last year before I found out if I was pregnant. We are due to go on Saturday. When DS was born we added him to the booking and arranged his passport so we could take him with us. DS is now 3 months old. DP has said he is not going on the trip and wants DS to stay at home with him for the week. DS is a very unsettled baby and cried a lot. DP said he doesn’t feel it’s in DS best interests to be dragged on a plane for 5 hours where he will probably cry most of the time then be stuck in doors for the week because it will be too hot to take him out and he has to remain shaded at all times. He wants me and our 2 DD’s (8&12) to go and enjoy the holiday. He has assured me DS will be well looked after - he is a great father and I know he is more than capable of holding the fort for a week (his mum and sister have offered to help out as they are both off work that week) but I just don’t know if I can be away from my baby for that length of time. I don’t know what affect it would have on such a small baby being away from its mum for a week. Baby is FF.

AIU to ask what you would do in this situation?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/07/2019 12:19

What are his reasons for not wanting to go?

Pinkmalinky · 04/07/2019 12:22

Nope, I couldn’t do it although mine were all BF so had that factor to consider too. I think you’ll just wind up miserable missing your baby personally. I’d still take the baby along and take it turns keeping the baby in the shade.

Gillian1980 · 04/07/2019 12:24

@P1nkHeartLovesCake

Nothing at all to do with not feeling able to leave the baby with its dad.... it’s about whether the mum wants to be separated from her baby. Also trying to figure out the dads weird behaviour.

I know full well that my dd (3) and ds (1 month) would be perfectly safe and happy with my DH. But I would really miss them and not want to be away from them for a week unless absolutely necessary. I certainly wouldn’t enjoy being on holiday
For a week without them.

2 entirely separate points.

Cheby · 04/07/2019 12:26

Something weird going on here. I’d give him one last opportunity to discuss, explain how taking 2 kids on holiday on your own won’t be relaxing and will actually be very stressful for you and baby to be separated. If he’s still insistent then his intentions aren’t good and I would make sure you take all 3 kids with you.

If you’re not married, do you share a surname? Just wondering about permission to take the children out of the country.

GrandmaSharksDentures · 04/07/2019 12:31

Another one here wondering why HE doesn't want to go. Could he be using this as an excuse to stay behind & do something he has already pre-planned?

Iliterallycantthinkofanythingq · 04/07/2019 12:44

I definitely wouldn't leave baby. I'd be absolutely furious with DP for just deciding not to go, and I'd also probably be very suspicious about it too. A holiday IS a week of peace. Is he meeting someone?

peachgreen · 04/07/2019 12:44

Very weird that he's so insistent about not going.

Yeahnahmum · 04/07/2019 12:45

So you've had a traumatic birth and his idea of helping you is to bail on a pre planned holiday, leave you with sole care of two children, and then 'give you a break' by separating you from your newborn so he can palm him off on his mum and have a week to himself.

^^this

That, or he has alterior motive to stay behind op Hmm. Why unearth would he opt out of a family weekend on such short notice??

BearRabbitPants · 04/07/2019 12:50

From your update it seems that it's not actually about the baby at all. He just doesn't want to go, id be asking why and crucifying him if he actually went through with not coming. Very bizarre behaviour if this has just come 'out of the blue' id be thinking all sorts!!

LadyRannaldini · 04/07/2019 16:00

So your leaving your child with his father, not on a park bench with a bag of crisps. He'll be fine, you may not be but that's your fault! Isn't a father, a good father you say, allowed any time on his own with his child?

MaudeLynne · 04/07/2019 21:13

The 'good father' doesn't want time alone with his child, he just doesn't want to go on holiday at all. That's why he won't take the older children, or travel as a family. He is staying home regardless of what the baby does. Personally I don't think that makes him a good father. Have you found his reasons yet OP?

Oly4 · 04/07/2019 21:19

No, I’d leave a 1yo but not a 3mo who will probably cry for his mum.
Your dp is being a dick, 3mo babies are high needs and cry a lot but they can still go on planes!

brainfrying · 04/07/2019 21:26

Have you told your DP that you are taking the baby yet? Hope he stops being a knob and goes with you.

Jengnr · 04/07/2019 21:30

I wouldn’t leave the baby for a week. A long weekend without my kids is about my limit.

I’d want to know why the fuck my husband was being such a knob though.

StripeySocks29 · 04/07/2019 21:43

No, I wouldn’t leave my baby, and my DH would never expect me to either.

Even with an older child I’d only leave them overnight if it was within easy travelling distance because if something were to happen and I couldn’t get back to them I’d never forgive myself.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 05/07/2019 05:43

@LadyRannaldini 'her fault'? That she doesn't want to be separated from her three month old infant?!

It is bloody bizarre to me that you find a mother's attachment to her newborn to be some kind of personal failing.

A tiny helpless baby is programmed to attach himself to his primary carer. He will be distressed if he is suddenly separated from her. He is a baby, not bloody tamagotchi that you can just hand over to someone else for an extended period of time without any feeling on the matter at all.

rwalker · 05/07/2019 06:00

I wouldn't want to take an unsettled baby that cries a lot . Would worry the whole time about him disturbing people who have come on holiday for a break and not to listen to my baby cry.
We went away once luckily the people were on there last few days of the holiday there baby was up crying 2/times a night and screaming early morning . Echoed round apartment block hardly got any sleep and ruined 2 days of our holiday. I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone else

If i were you i would go lovely opportunity to have some time with other kids on your own.

QueenofmyPrinces · 05/07/2019 06:17

Never in a million years would I be away from my 3 month old baby for a week. Not a chance.

I find your husband's behaviour very odd to be honest.....his concern about the baby being on holiday sounds a bit fishy to me.....

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2019 06:17

This stinks.

LynetteScavo · 05/07/2019 06:23

I wouldn't leave my 3 month old baby becaytbe anxiety it would give me would out shadow the pleasure of the holiday. I would go with the 3 D.C. and if possible take someone else instead of my DH.

Oysterbabe · 05/07/2019 06:23

I think it would be OK but I wouldn't do it because there is no need to in your situation, it's just because your husband is being an arse. Would he really let you take all 3 alone after spouting bullshit about wanting you to relax?

SoyDora · 05/07/2019 06:27

I think my only option may be to take the 3 of them myself. As I said, he’s adamant he isn’t going

So how are his intentions good if he’d be happy for you to take all three of them on your own?
His reason for not going obviously isn’t the baby, so why doesn’t he want to go?

Philmitchell · 05/07/2019 06:29

Are there other issues OP?

DontPanic42 · 05/07/2019 06:39

OP, I don't understand why your husband doesn't want to go, because he doesn't think the baby should go? It doesn't really make sense, there's something else going on here

User12879923378 · 05/07/2019 06:44

I spent one night away from my baby at that age (it was unavoidable) and I was in bits. Maybe not everyone would be but it you know you would be I wouldn't go.

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