A message on flowers for baby passing

[plasterboots]

Posting here for traffic.

A friends son and wife have very sadly lost their DS aged only five hours.

I want to send flowers , in a vase so nothing for them to do.

What message should I write?

I thought

"We are so sad that you couldn't hold XXXX for longer"

Any thoughts please?

Keep it simple. "Thinking of you at this time"

@Trafalger I feel I should acknowledge their son? Lots of people seem to think that's the best?

Don't go too emotive. I agree that "thinking of you at this sad time" is fine.

I would keep it simple (thinking of you etc) but put his name on there. I lost my daughter in January and things with her name on mean so much to me.

Keep it simple.

Our thoughts are with you
Sending our love.

I don’t know... this might just be me but when a bad thing happened in our family the endless flowers were just a reminder at every turn. It might be my thing, but I found it just awful so only send flowers for joyous occasions. This might just be me- it’s lovely that you want to support and recognise their situation.

Agreed with the above. Don’t mention your own feelings (“we are so sad...”), that’s not for them to think about right now. They know why you’ve sent the flowers, just say “thinking of you and sending our love”.

I had to send in similar circumstances.

I wouldn't write what you've put TBH

'Thinking of you all' would be fine.

*plaster you should acknowledge their son but personally I feel that should be done face to face when they are ready to see people. Your message is too emotive at the current time.

I personally would send a card that acknowledges the birth of their baby boy (without all the congrats messages) and their are ranges of cards that acknowledge these moments now. As time goes on talk about their son, talk about how beautiful he was, do not ever try and airbrush him out.

I don't think an emotive message would mean anymore to them than a simple we are so sorry you lost baby or thinking of you keep it simple and authentic.

‘Thinking of you all and honouring baby [baby’s name]’ ?

I didn't mean your message wasn't authentic

Please send flowers, whilst it is sad it means so much that you are not avoiding what has happened. Agree don't make it about your sadness but do use his name.

We appreciated flowers when dd passed although I have seen others say similar to gluestick. I would agree with everyone else though to keep the message simple. If you want to include the son's name then perhaps "Sorry for your loss of your son XXX, thinking of you" (or similar). Your message (although well meaning) makes it about you not them

I would be wary of sending flowers. Some people do appreciate them, but for me, and many others who have been where they are it's just something that will die and make the place more empty when they are binned.

I think something like a photo frame with his name on it, or some sort of keepsake with his name on it would be better, there's lots you can get quickly online.

I would simply write 'I'm so sorry that you have to miss XXXX I'm thinking of you' and I would mark the date in your calender and acknowledge their son, by name, every year in some small way, even just a text.

I know you have the best intentions, but I think someone in an emotional state may take what you have written quite badly. 'You couldn't hold xxx for longer' almost feels like she failed to hold on to him.

I think I would just send a card and keep it very simple, something like 'so sorry for your loss. We want you to know we're thinking of you and always here if you need us'.

My best friend experienced this - I wouldn't say 'so sad' intimating you are sad on their behalf, just say you're thinking of them. Then when you see them, when they're ready, then you can talk about the baby if it feels right.

Im so sorry to hear this. Why is life so cruel. When you have a baby your biggest terror is something like this happening. What they're going through just doesn't even bare thinking about. I'll be honest I'm crying myself writing this.
Sleep peacefully little one xx
I agree with pps just keep the message very simple something like. Thinking of you all. X

Please, please don't put that message. Just put 'we are thinking about you and send all out love'.

Are they the same culture as you? In some cultures you don’t keep any condolence gifts / cards after the funeral and you may find it all binned. Also, some flowers are considered more appropriate than others. For that reason I suggest you keep things simple - a card is just fine.

I wouldn't use the phrase "sorry you couldn't hold xxx for longer" as it unwittingly suggests blame - I know that is of course not how the sentiment is meant but that was my first response

And don't use any Phrases about god needing more angels - someone said that to me once and I said well which one of your children would you give to god then - soon shut them up

A simple thinking of you is more than enough

One of my closest friends has been through this. She found all the flowers overwhelming and upsetting when they had to be removed as the house then felt bare and empty and the last thing she wanted to see was dying flowers. She didn't want any "so sorry for your loss".

"Sending all our love" and/or "If you need anything, any time, just call" is probably best in these circumstances.

In my experience a card is best

5 hours, that’s so very sad. Nothing can help them right now, they will be struggling with grief for a while. Do they have other children? Could you offer to make a few meals or get shopping in so they don’t have to do anything.

thank goodness I asked. I hear what you're saying.

Thank you all.

Life is bloody tough sometimes, I wish no one had to write any of these words.

@Likethebattle they're overseas. No other children and this one took a long time to arrive. It's just so earth shatteringly sad.