To think it's because I'm black?

[notamumsymum]

Walked to co op this morning as OH has taken my car today. So me DD and DS went to pick up some fruit & veg for today.
I don't normally shop at co op I normally go to Asda or Tesco sometimes M&S.

Anyhow one of the staff in there followed me around the whole time then proceeded to wait for me at the door. I was so frustrated at this point I said I'm not stealing anything! She said well we have to be sure. Then I thought let me go back in and see if she is still waiting by the door and shock she was gone.

Aibu and just paranoid? Or am I allowed to be this angry!

All these people getting annoyed that some people are disputing the fact that it may not be race.. Are we just supposed to assume it’s race everytime and go backwards in closing the gap? Should security only follow white people because then it’s not racist? What if they have a legitimate reason for follow a person of colour? Is it still racist?

Even if it’s race 80% of the time, your still assuming something you know nothing about and accusing someone of being a racist which is unfair and goes backwards in getting rid of stigma.

It's difficult to say whether it was racist without being there. I am a white, middle aged mother and regularly get followed around shops. It generally happens when I've been on nights or a run of 12 hours shifts and am dressed in my comfy clothes (baggy leggings and shirt) with greasy, unbrushed hair and dark rings around my puffy eyes. When I have make-up on and styled hair I am rarely followed.

I was also invited to appear on that godawful UC poverty-porn docu filmed in Teesside after a run of night shifts.

Clearly, unless I am wearing make-up and have styled my hair I look like a crack head and a shop lifter

So it could have been your race, equally it could have been the way you were dressed, a vibe you gave off etc. If it happens again in the same shop then I would definitely follow it up with a call to head office. If it was a one-off I'd leave it.

Whats being done to ‘close the gap’ exactly? And how is doubting that it is based on race helping to ‘close the gap’?

YANBU. I never got followed round shops until I had dreadlocks... but only in Dorset and Somerset when I go to Bristol I’m practically invisible... I think, the security had it in for you because they’re racist.
I am so sorry this Happened to you. It must have felt awful. Xx

Blaming it on race when it’s not is making a mockery out the cases when it is.. look at what’s just happened with 2 race cases in the US which ended up being made up, everyone is going to think twice when it happens again.
I think with each generation the gap is closing. Well it is where I live.
I don’t doubt racism exists, I know it does and I also believe in white privilege, but I don’t think automatically assuming it’s racism when it might not be is helping. It’s blaming something that might not be the case.
I agree with another poster, don’t complain this time, if it happens again then say something.

This has happened to me quite a bit in our local Tesco to the point I've stopped shopping in there. He'll follow me around every single aisle.

It feels awful, like you're doing something wrong but you aren't. I know it's their job, it just doesn't feel great.

Your case could be racial, we have no idea. I'm white so that didn't cross my mind but whether it was racial or not you were made you feel upset and uncomfortable so you're quite right to complain. That shouldn't be happening.

Yanbu. I'm sorry, I'm not going to get involved in this but yes: It is because you are black.

Yes I think you are right. I'm white it's never happened to me but it has happened to my mixed race sister a good few times. I think you should put in a complaint.

I'm mixed race. I dress well, not scruffy. Live in a naice area. I get followed in shops all the time.
My favourite is when I'm in clothes shops browsing and the shop assistants pretend to be fixing the racks right next to me, everywhere I go. I always leave.

Just to add - I'm mixed race and if I had a penny for each time I've been treated with scrutiny or suspicion I'd be a billionaire. Don't let anyone - especially anyone who is white gas-light you about 'maybe it's not always about race'. 9/10 times it always is. ARGH!! I said I wouldn't get involved!!

I think you should step away from this thread for your own MH, OP. White people telling you about racism isn’t going to improve your day.

For what it’s worth, I think you’re reading of the situation is likely to be right, or at least entirely plausible.

Why does she need to step away? It’s a conversation.. isn’t it better the conversation happens and people are made of aware of others opinions and different points of views then it being swept under the rug? I don’t see anyone say it never happens, just doubting that it’s always 100% about race. I don’t understand why a white person can be followed because they are scruffy or because maybe they look like another suspicious person but a mixed race person can’t? These issues should be spoken about, what is blocking them out going to do?

And yes I am white, but I do not live in a white bubble.. I have one close white friend and my others are all different ethnicities. My unborn child is also mixed race, I’m proud of her heritage on both sides. I grew up with a lot of different cultures in school so when I was younger and worked in retail I really didn’t care about the colour of skin, it was more other things which stood out to me.

The OP will decide for herself, clearly, @Salty, but I get very tired of Mn threads which try to persuade me that anti-Irish prejudice isn’t still alarmingly widespread in England (because their Irish friends think it’s hilarious when people imitate their accents or assume they drink like fish and are feckless and aggressive), so no, I don’t think that these conversations are ‘informative’. I really doubt the OP needs Mn to realise that structural racism exists, but some white people do not see it.

YANBU

Security doesn't entail following customers around the store.

I've had this (also black) and sometimes stop and look at the guard square in the face and ask if I can help them. Then they walk away sheepishly.

One time I just dumped the basket of stuff on the floor and said I've had enough and walked out.

You never know for sure if it's because you're black...but I've been around long enough to know a lot of it is due to skin colour.

Oh it’s a ‘conversation’? At what point have you asked the op anything to at least try to understand why she feels she may have been racially profiled. Just be honest you want the ‘debate’ to be on your terms....thats MN for you, the topic of race always ends up being exhausting for the people trying to explain their experiences. Can’t think why......

Surely the only way to ascertain that is if there is a pattern rather the picking a reason and saying it's that.

If that security guard had followed 3 or 4 people and each were black then it's easier to say there is a chance that is the reason.

We can all say we think it's because you are black or we think it's not but ultimately we don't know.

This is infuriating in 2019!!! Or any other sodding year....

I actually experience this myself. Because of a medical condition, I cannot wear make up and I'm very fair haired so have white eyebrows & eyelashes. Sadly, despite all my efforts making my hair look nice, well presented clothes ya know - normal pride in my appearance - I still look rough without at least mascara on so I ALWAYS get followed by security guards. Especially in Waitrose and Boots. Really upsets me

How do I want the debate to be on my terms? I do think the debate has gotten off the topic of the OP’s experience and more into a general area.. but if you can’t handle having a conversation with me who lies somewhere in the middle, ie; I believe racism exists, I believe in white privilege and have a mixed race family then it sounds like your the one who wants the debate on your terms.. Do you think blaming it on race every single time is helping the situation? It becomes a bit like the boy who cried wolf scenario.

Of course racism exists, Is it fair? Of course not.. was the OP’s case racism? Well she would know better then anyone.. but is blaming racism everytime even when it’s not.. going to get us anywhere.. No!

This happened to me...turned out the security bloke fancied me.
Just to backup it could well be a number of reasons.

@HappyLoneParentDay bit of a tangent, but have you thought about having them tinted? I have an issue with make-up but, I have my eyelashes tinted and (touch wood) I’ve never had a problem. I do recommend a proper salon though, definitely not Superdrug.

@notamumsymum yes, it’s because you’re black and because he’s a cunt. I’m sorry you and your children experienced that

I'd be surprised if you said you were never followed around a shop. It's happened to me and DP both when we're apart, and together. Actually to most black people I know. It's a standard thingm

I temped at O2 Arena years back, something or other got stolen and a staff member blurted out 'were they black?!'. Then went bright red on realising she'd spoken her thoughts in front of black colleagues. I deadpanned that they likely were, as only black people ever steal of course

You'll never get rid of race-fuelled stereotyping and labelling. I mostly ignore, but if it's too much following around I'm vocal about it. I won't spend my money where I'm racially profiled. I don't need to, after all

DS is a security guard and blatant racism is a massive problem in the industry.

White people may get followed in stores. That's not the issue. The issue is that black people are disproportionately more likely to be followed and assumed to be criminals. I very much believe you were followed by someone who is racist and who addumes that black people are generally criminals and more likely to steal.

I never quite get the people who say,: I am white and I was stopped by the police too, or I am white and a similar thing happened to me. I'm puzzled by these comme because they seem unable to grasp the very evident fact that ethnic minorities have, on average, a different experience and outcomes than white people in Western countries. The amount of unconscious bias and microaggressions they face on a daily basis are things the average white person will never have to deal with. White privilege is not a myth.

Poorer outcomes and experiences of ethnic minorities because of centuries of racism and institutional bias will not be erased overnight. They are still there.

Sorry to hear of your experience OP.

No-one is denying that racism exists or that it is possible it was because of OP's skin colour but without knowing if there was a pattern it is impossible to decisively say it was because she is black. Unless OP continues to visit the shop and notices that only black people are followed or that black people are followed at a higher rate than white people she will never know for certain if it was racism or something else. And if she complains security is likely to reason it was because she had a pram/large bag/hooded coat/dark glasses/was under 25 etc and they always follow people who fit that description.

What if OP was wearing a hoodie and security had been told to keep an extra eye on people in hoodies? Should the security have not followed her because she is black and might see his actions as racist?

I get followed around shops on a regular basis. Mostly, as I said, when I have just finished a run of long shifts or a night shift. If I walk into the local bakery in my work uniform they make my sandwich, hand it to me and then ask for payment. If I go home and change into leggings and a shirt and go back they ask for payment upfront before they start cooking. Ditto when I'm in the local shop. If I'm shattered and scruffy the camera follows me everywhere. I can hear it whizzing around as I walk down the aisles. I'm not black I just live in a high-crime area with a serious drug problem and clearly fit the description of 'smack head' when I'm knackered and dressed down.

@Saltystraw what the fuck are you talking about? Stop acting like you understand racism because you have some ethnic friends. How the hell would you know if the gap is closing - given you're WHITE and never actually experienced racism yourself? You've got no idea.