To think it's because I'm black?

[notamumsymum]

Walked to co op this morning as OH has taken my car today. So me DD and DS went to pick up some fruit & veg for today.
I don't normally shop at co op I normally go to Asda or Tesco sometimes M&S.

Anyhow one of the staff in there followed me around the whole time then proceeded to wait for me at the door. I was so frustrated at this point I said I'm not stealing anything! She said well we have to be sure. Then I thought let me go back in and see if she is still waiting by the door and shock she was gone.

Aibu and just paranoid? Or am I allowed to be this angry!

*I see on here

I've had this a lot too. I'm white.

I don't think this is down to colour. More the pushchair.

You may have done something like put your hand in your bag to get something and she thought you were shoplifting.

I wouldn't assume it was down to skin colour but really, who knows?

I think it happens when people look different to the majority of people in the shop. At a time when we used to all wear suits to work we were doing something where I was in an old t shirt and cut off jeans. Went into boots, picked up my usual fairly expensive moisturiser, put it in my basket, the shop assistant took it out of my basket to keep behind the counter til I was ready to pay to save me carrying it round (all 50g of it). Never had an issue same shop and item when wearing a suit.

So it quite possibly was because you fitted in with whoever this persons idea of being a shop lifter was, why she drew this conclusion only she could say although very possibly it was the colour of your skin unfortunately. Sometimes you just need to think what a nob and try and forget about it (although not easy if you’ve experienced anything like this before or since)

These are the main reasons I've seen women with children followed around shops;

They have a buggy (because nappies and other expensive items have a habit of being hung or put on the hood and forgotten about at the till because it gets folded back over them).

They look poor.

They haven't been seen in the shop before.

You might fit all of those categories or just one and you end up being shadowed by security. Or they missed a theft recently, got into trouble for it and now make a point of being seen by camera and management.

Racism wouldn't surprise me with some people, but if you fit any of those other categories, it's likely to happen irrespective of your ethnic origin.

Sorry you're upset but small shops are a target for shoplifters as they don't have security guards. It could be that a recent thief fit your description. Mothers with children in tow will often pilfer goods due to bags and buggies etc. My 21 year old son gets followed and stared down every time he's in our Co-op and he's as honest as they come. The problem is that petty theft is out of control in this country and everyone of all ages, gender and race is at it so you will get stared at. The staff are on the defensive cos they are left to tackle thieves on their own.

YANBU, she was way out of line. I would write a letter of complaint in your shoes.

The same thing happened to me in Tesco Express the other week OP. So annoying! I wouldn't mind if they had the decency to at least try to hide the fact that they're suspicious of you, but he didn't and that's just rude, so I told him it was rude to stare and he did look suitably embarrassed to be fair. I'm white and the security guard was black by the way.

But pinning it on race or the way we look is just lazy.
What easy lives all these white folk have, they cope with being followed in shops once in a blue moon. They think everyone else should cope and that it's all making mountains out of molehills. Or we are lazy in our thiniking (quote put up for irony). In case you lot didn't realise, technically it's referred to as racism.

It’s not a race thing op
It’s because you looked dodgy

I have no idea why this asst followed you but to jump to the conclusion it is your race, isn't fair. Sometimes people who are not white immediately pull the 'race card' if anything happens to them which is actually quite insulting to white people because it implies we are racist.

There could be a number of reasons why you were followed, maybe a very simple one like the asst had been told she had to follow x number of customers that day and she was on CCTV.

Sometimes people who are not white immediately pull the 'race card' if anything happens to them which is actually quite insulting to white people because it implies we are racist.

Yes, poor white people are the real victims of racism, aren't they.

I hope to God I don't need to add a /s tag there.

Where are you OP?

Zebraaa maybe you should check your privilege!!

I'd hate to think it was race related but it possibly is.

When my DD was small I worked in the offices of a high end supermarket...the majority of five-finger discounting was done by old ladies with those shopping trolley bags.

I'm never followed when I'm alone but I am when I have the kids, DD in her buggy especially. You could be right but also could be because us mums are all thieving work dodgers

Maybe people who are not white have such lifelong experience of being judged/discriminated against because of their colour that it is simply the most likely explanation? I can't possibly know what this is like because it is not my lived experience. I wouldn't ever presume to tell another woman that something which has happened to her and all her family since birth simply doesn't happen because that would be staggeringly ignorant.

Maybe people who are not white have such lifelong experience of being judged/discriminated against because of their colour that it is simply the most likely explanation? I can't possibly know what this is like because it is not my lived experience. I wouldn't ever presume to tell another woman that something which has happened to her and all her family since birth simply doesn't happen because that would be staggeringly ignorant.

This.

The thing is - we don’t know why the Op was followed. It may be because she is black, it may be because she had a buggy, it may be because she was the 7th person through the door and they are doing random checks, it may be because the woman was trying to look busy to her boss.

We don’t know.

But it might be skin colour related. Where as for a white person to be followed it is not skin colour related. And that is a huge difference.

A friend (who is white but her husband and children are non white) said that prior to getting together with her husband she rarely thought about race. But now it impacts her family in some way every single day so she thinks about it every single day. That really shocked me - I also don’t think very often about race because I am white so don’t need to.

I'm white and I've been followed.
I don't dress in trackies or look like a druggie either.
However, I have worked in retail for many years until recently and we are told to keep tabs on customers randomly, and if we have had a high frequency of a certain group stealing, we were told to also up our watch of similar customers.
I always think, nothing to hide, nothing to worry about.

This happened to me and DP at the weekend in our local Waitrose (!!) DP is black and says it happens to him every time. It has never ever happened to me.

You'd think I wouldn't be surprised at this shit as it's happened to him so many times over the years.

Seems absolutely ridiculous but it does happen. Definitely report it otherwise it will never change.

Sad to say OP but YANBU. I bet it is because you are black.

If its any consolation, I think it tends to happen to anyone who doesn't fit in with the norm, whatever that is. I'm (very) white with long blond hair, and to a lot of security guards, customs officials, etc. that seems to act like a beacon going off. Its so annoying. I've had particular interest from non-white security guards for some reason. Just last week, I was stopped going out of a Nike store and my bag checked (by a black security guard). I hadn't noticed anyone else being checked, including lots of Asian women with pushchairs and children who were picking up clothes and discarding them all over the place. Me - smartly dressed - immediately pulled over. Boots and Superdrug are a nightmare for me, I will always have a security guard on my tail. I actually think I could find not-so-gainful employment as a diversion for people that do actually want to steal/smuggle stuff, as the security types are so damned intent on following me, they must miss so many other people actually with stuff.

Last two times I've caught a cross channel ferry, I've been pulled over especially on return to the UK to have my boot not only checked but full on pulling stuff out for them to check for hidden compartments. I'm always the one that gets extra scrutiny in airport security. I do suspect that I get pulled over so much so that other passengers can see that really blonde, pale people also get pulled over.

But the best one was the Asian pool attendant whose eyes immediately swivelled round to focus on me as I walked from the showers to the pool. He got off his tower-thingey, to come over and tell me specifically that I had to shower before getting in the pool. I'm like the palest person ever, and I had to point out to him that you simply couldn't see the water droplets from the shower on my skin because I was so pale. It was so embarrassing.

But I bet it is because you're black, and you're also young and female and on your own. Maybe you're quite good looking or dress slightly unusually or well. Anything like that sets the buggers off. You have my sympathies. I'm often told I don't look British, so perhaps its that. Not typically British enough looking, easy to follow one single female with no-one to stand up for her.

It's annoying my partner is black and sometimes people will come up and ask him 3 times if he needs help looking for something like he might steal it, if we go together they don't ask and if they do it's just the once! However I'm white and I get followed around Sainsbury's when I take the buggy and kids in by an Indian man every time I see him I say hi still not stealing and smile. It really winds me up

This happened to a black friend of mine. She decided that, in all the circumstances, she wouldn’t bother to point out the woman legging it towards the doors whom she had just seen stuffing designer jumpers into her shopping bags.

I've had this when heavily pregnant. Apparently it's a known con to fake a bump and steal things. Really made me uncomfortable.