To expect a nanny/babysitter

[PinkGlitter123]

To entertain an 8 yr old boy and not just let him listen to music, read and play Lego by himself the whole time? This is all after school.

Can you explain, really slowly for the hard of understanding (me), what the problem is from your perspective?

Because this is the scenario as I see it:

You need a babysitter because your eight year old can't be left alone - fine, agreed.
Your babysitter makes snacks for your child, takes them to the park if they want, plays with them if they want, generally fulfils the role of the babysitter by making sure that the child is safe and looked after - not playing in traffic or with the sharp knives.
Your child enjoys reading, listening to music or playing with Lego as down-time when he gets home from school so sometimes doesn't require the babysitter to actually interact with him. This is a choice the CHILD has made; it's not a case of the babysitter refusing to interact with him even though he is desperate for her to.

So - as I said, can you take me through what your actual problem is?

Kids really don’t need to be entertained one on one 24 hours. She’s there for company, reassurance etc, I’d probably try and engage and do something with him for a bit but if he gave off signals he wanted to do his own thing I’d leave him be.

So if you were there instead of the babysitter what would you be doing differently?

You could ask if the babysitter fancies doing some odd jobs for a bit extra pay but honestly it doesn’t sound like she is doing anything wrong.

Maybe you could ask her to do an hour reading with him? Or an hour together with an educational computer game each evening?

A nanny i would expect more structure but a babysitter i wouldnt expect them to entertain ..as long as they are supervising properly

I don't think entertaining an 8 year old straight out of a highly structured school day, is in their best interest.

OP imagine if you got home from a long day at work and there was some older lady in your dining room waving a tube of pritt stick, finger paints and a board game at you. every day.
If I thought you could get a babysitter to do this I'd hire one to babysit me! I'd love to have an older lady come round and play a game with me and encourage me to finger paint. A bit of Lego encouragement. There's a market for this service, if a little small

Nanny, yes. Baby sitter, no.
The difference is, a nanny is trained in child care. A baby sitter is an older person (usually a teenager) who is there so that your child is not 'home alone'.
The difference is usually reflected in the pay. And I say this as someone who did a lot of babysitting as a teenager.

A babysitter is just that - they mind the baby/child.

qualified nanny should be doing the things you state like homework etc.

This is the maddest thing I have read for quite sometime. The babysitter picks him up, feeds him, supervises homework, takes him to the park and plays with him when required and supervises his safety when he is happily playing on his own and that’s not enough for you?

You are very lucky to have childcare in your own home that you can afford and that your child enjoys. Don’t try and insist that the poor thing just sits and gazes at your DC while he plays so you can get maximum bang for your buck.

trackingmedown - makes me laugh that OP wrote "nanny/babysitter" in her OP - I bet her nanny if she has one would LOVE (not) to see her nanny described as both - especially if properly certified etc.

Babysitter if it is one probably isn't bothered either way!

Even when I childminded/au-paired a toddler and one year old when I was 17 (yes I know, it was mostly half days when mum was at work), I took them out and about, to Gymboree etc but no way did I entertain them etc - it was a casual arrangement to ensure the mum could help her DH who had a record shop where he went to USA for work.

As the employer you need to spell out to the babysitter exactly what is expected of them. If they do not meet your expectations, get another babysitter.

IME the best babysitters for 8 year old boys are young men who take them out to play football , ride bikes etc.

Could you ask her to meal prep or maybe clean a bit, if she really has nothing to do?

I hope this is a joke. She's a babysitter, not a domestic servant for fucks sake.

She's doing nothing wrong. You are paying her to ensure your child is safe and secure - that's all you're paying for.

why can't he go to after school club or a childminder's where there are other kids?

I have to say, though, it sounds like a nice chill out time for him.

why can't he go to after school club or a childminder's where there are other kids?

Because then the OP cannot bitch about the minder not doing 'a bit' of cleaning or 'meal prep' or a spot of ironing since she's being paid the mega bucks and the OP will have the added hassle of collecting her own child from the minder or club.

Agreed with SilverySurfer - if I was a babysitter I'd be beyond pissed off if I was asked to meal prep.

Babysitting duties used to involve:-

making sure kids brushed their teeth (if not in bed)
making them cocoa/hot drink if they wanted this
soothing them if they woke up unexpectedly
first aid if they cut themselves (don't ask!)
reading stories
the occasional light chit chat/game before bed if they were still up

One family we did have a drama whereby there was a power cut not long after I got there but parents had left - kids who were under 10 but over 5 were reading in bed. Had to find candles, check on power cut - which continued overnight so rang parents who said not to panic.

Parents were back just before 1am and surprisingly the kids after getting over the drama had had stories read to me - by candlelight which i then took off them when they went to bed and then kids went to sleep!

One babysitter/friend of the family with me and DB (female young woman approx 20's) took us to the nearest park which was a 5 minute walk away and moonlight - in summer and we ran around it for ages! We were about 8 and 10 then.

CassianAndor - the amount of time kids are expected to do homework etc after school provided this is 1 night a week or so then this is a welcome break for OP's DS.

Agreed with SilverySurfer - if I was a babysitter I'd be beyond pissed off if I was asked to meal prep.

My teen daughter got asked to clean, iron and 'meal prep' at a night babysitting job. She said 'NO', rang her dad to come pick her up and left. She's a very popular babysitter (she has first aid certification and plenty of references) but she's just that, not a maid, a cleaner or a cook.

YABU! How bizarre! Why would they try to force and 8 year old to do activities with them when the 8 year old wants to do the things you listed? You're being even more unreasonable if it's a babysitter and not a nanny. Imo a babysitters only real duty is to watch the child and make sure they're safe and happy, which is sounds like yours is.

I’ll baby sit and meal prep/ clean for you.

It’s going to cost you far more than £10 an hour though. I charge £14 just for cleaning

@Iliterallycantthinkofanythingq I suspect the issue is that the OP didn't think she was getting her money's worth for £10 an hour. Probably wanted the girl to do some cleaning or something so she wasn't sat idle earning her £30.

This then leaves sitter with nothing to do

Erm... OK then. Apart from ensuring your 8 year old is safe.

Exactly, Bishop. So go for kids club or childminder (and good luck finding the latter who will pick your kid up from school).

When we have a babysitter I expect them respond to my children, the interact as appropriate, but not to provide entertainment per se. Our babysitter is great and will get down the floor, do a bit of Lego or read a story, but equally she’ll read etc if the boys are settled and happy.

Actually, when my six year old goes to his childminder, he is very often left to his own devices. She provides Lego, garden toys etc, and he and the other minders tend to get on with it. She occasionally joins in, but is often busy preparing their tea etc, just like I am if he comes straight home from school.

What was the agreement when you employed her? I'm guessing you've had the same lady for a few years and your son's needs have changed ie he used to require more involvement. If you'd like her to do more now he's able to entertain himself have a chat and agree upon what is fair. If you need to increase her pay then do that. I really don't see why someone employed as a babysitter/nanny shouldn't be helping with some light housework if she's not busy with the child. Especially as it's likely to be cash in hand so she's most likely not paying tax. I have a Nanny 4 days a week for similar ages Children who often go and play with a neighbour etc and I ask her to change the kids bedding, hang out washing and get dinner on when she's not busy helping them with homework and taking them to after school activities. This was agreed upon when I hired her.