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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect a nanny/babysitter

133 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 03/07/2019 21:31

To entertain an 8 yr old boy and not just let him listen to music, read and play Lego by himself the whole time? This is all after school.

OP posts:
BishopofBathandWells · 03/07/2019 22:35

Are you annoyed because your DS is left to entertain himself whilst the babysitter reads? Is it her behaviour prompting his, or vice versa? Is she only sitting down to read because he's off doing his own thing?

I don't really see what the poor bugger's done wrong. You pay her a tenner an hour, you don't get the moon on a stick for that.

CoconutMango · 03/07/2019 22:35

Rtm you cannot expect a babysitter, paid 10£ to clean or cook!!!!

Ginger1982 · 03/07/2019 22:37

I've always assumed a babysitter just hung out in the living room while the kids were in bed! 👍🏻

LoafofSellotape · 03/07/2019 22:37

All child wants to do is the above which I mentioned. This then leaves sitter with nothing to do what do you want her to do?

PinkGlitter123 · 03/07/2019 22:39

Now DS is older he needs her attention less. He used to want her to play Lego battle games and football, now he wants to do his own thing. It just leaves her with little to do but from reading the replies I know she just needs to let him be and I also need to accept she can't just sit there staring into space so should be allowed to read or play on her phone in the times when she isn't needed by him.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 03/07/2019 22:45

Rather than asking a babysitter/nanny to do light jobs, I think there's a big market for a job the other way round iyswim, once the children are of an age where they don't need entertaining.
So, you hire a cleaner to clean your house, but your independent 8+ child is in the house at the same time. The cleaner doesn't have to interact with them at all, just be there for an emergency.

saraclara · 03/07/2019 22:46

Presumably you want your child to do what they'd do if you were home?
My kids (at 8), when they got home from school would chill out in front of the TV for a while to decompress, then they'd play while I made their meal, eat, play some more or read/draw. I didn't need to do much at all. I'd just do jobs around that house and chat with them in passing. They didn't need me entertaining them.

Your low paid babysitter is there to be the responsible adult who keeps them safe in your absence. Not their teacher, their play leader or their life coach.

PinkGlitter123 · 03/07/2019 22:46

The problem with that is a cleaner wouldn't do pick up from school, park trips or stay the three hours I need each time

OP posts:
nannynick · 03/07/2019 22:50

After school children tend not to want to do very much. They may well want time alone, away from noise and over stimulation. Some children like to go to the park after school, others may have organised lessons/clubs to go to but on days with no planned activity they want to chill out.

You can't force a 5-6 year old to play games, yet alone an 8 year old. Sometimes they will, sometimes they won't. Sometimes they want to discuss what has happened during the day, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they will release built up anger, sometimes they won't. Every day is different and whomever cares for them needs to adjust to their needs that particular day. Forcing them to do things is not a good idea as they may have been forced to do things all day at school, so there can be resistance to doing structured activities after school.

Does your son want to interact with your sitter/nanny? If he wants to play a board game, or to go out somewhere, then he needs to say so.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/07/2019 22:50

See, I reckon someone should set up a business doing exactly that op.
School pick up, cleaning, there for emergencies only, 8+ independent play only!
I'm not sure how it would work if someone said their 8yo would just play, and the 8yo then expected entertaining though!

kw1091 · 03/07/2019 22:50

You sound like you resent paying her if she’s reading her book? This is such a bizarre post. The poor girl it sounds like she can’t do anything right. I think you’re very lucky sounds like you’ve got a brilliant 8 year old and found and great babysitter.

anothernotherone · 03/07/2019 22:53

If you think the babysitter has nothing to do then don't hire a sitter - just leave him home alone.

If you don't feel comfortable leaving him home alone, the babysitter is worth paying for.

If you want him entertained hire a clown.

Children who are constantly entertained by adults and always provided with adult led structure tend to be that unfortunate combination of very demanding, over tired/ overstimulated, easily bored and utterly lacking in inner resources and independence skills.

It's great that your 8 year old has the resources to entertain himself and unwind after school without needing an adult to entertain him. It would be perverse to take that away because you're bitter that your babysitter has an easy job.

PinkGlitter123 · 03/07/2019 22:58

I can't leave him home alone. He is 8.

OP posts:
anothernotherone · 03/07/2019 23:01

PinkGlitter123 that was my point. That's what you pay your babysitter for. To be there because you can't leave him home alone. Not to entertain him. Babysitters are not children's entertainers.

PinkGlitter123 · 03/07/2019 23:06

NannyNick. He does ask her to play Lego battle games and fighting games here and there. I get the gist that she does that for a while but tires of it easily.
Other then that he is content to read or listen to music and says he likes being alone

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 03/07/2019 23:10

I see what you're saying op. £10 per hour is a lot of money to pay someone who (hopefully!) doesn't ever actually have to do anything. When you consider some of the really hard jobs that get paid less than that, carers, call centre workers etc.

MeltedCrayons · 03/07/2019 23:11

yeah tbh, I can't see the problem with what she is doing? Child is supervised, safe, fed and playing properly, not on screens, goes to the park and has friends over. Sounds good to me!

batvixen123 · 03/07/2019 23:14

Where are you? £10 per hour is over the national living wage, under the London living wage. Which is to say, it isn't a huge amount.

I agree with everyone else. She's a babysitter not a nanny, and by the age of 8 unstructured chill out time post school is good.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 03/07/2019 23:31

The clue is in the name: baby + sit. My teen daughter babysits, she's not a cleaner, or an ironer or a cook. FFS.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 03/07/2019 23:37

I used to do a lot of babysitting when I was a student, regular after school days, and ad-hoc weekend evenings. On the school days I would give the DC a snack, sometimes do their reading with them, and generally keep them company watching TV or whatever until the mum or dad got in. On nice days they often played in the garden, and I would sit out with them, and very occasionally we would take a walk to the supermarket, then have a drink in the cafe there if the mum asked me to pick up something for her.

On weekends it was more of a “fun” thing, so we might do simple baking, dress up, play Barbies, then a story, then bed. I always had snacks left for me, and I would have a few hours to do my own thing (TV, reading, uni work) when the children were asleep.

Cleaning/cooking was not part of my job, although I would have happily stuck some fish fingers on if the parents were held up, and always helped put toys away, washed up what we used etc. On the evenings they were largely paying just to have someone in the house once the children were in bed - and they paid me double after midnight!

Teddybear45 · 03/07/2019 23:40

You get what you pay for. You paid for a babysitter not a nanny

jennymanara · 03/07/2019 23:54

I would expect an 8 year old who had been at school all day to need unstructured down time to relax. Reading, listening to music and playing lego sound perfect to me. They had had a full day at school that is very structured, they need a break from that.

Vibiano · 03/07/2019 23:54

If he is happy I don't see what the problem is.
When I am home with my kids after school I don't entertain them. I would play with them if they asked me to but they don't want me to.

HappyNOTdriving · 03/07/2019 23:56

As long as he is happy playing on his own then that's what matters isn't it?

She's there because he can't be left alone and if he doesn't want to play with her then that is the part of the job she is doing.

She is there to keep him safe and he is.

LoafofSellotape · 03/07/2019 23:59

You get what you pay for. You paid for a babysitter not a nanny

A nanny wouldn't interfere with a child happily playing. When an adult joins in the play changes.

The kid has been at school all day,let him play!

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