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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a nanny/babysitter

133 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 03/07/2019 21:31

To entertain an 8 yr old boy and not just let him listen to music, read and play Lego by himself the whole time? This is all after school.

OP posts:

PCohle · 04/07/2019 00:03

Those sound like pretty decent activities for an 8 year old. Self guided play and all that. Kids learning to entertain themselves is a good thing.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/07/2019 00:03

I’m not sure what else she is supposed to do? She can’t force him to play constantly for 3 hours. Children need some downtime after school to shake off all the noise and frustrations of being around 30 other kids all day long. They benefit from being allowed to unwind in their own way sometimes alone in their room, reading, listening to music etc. You can’t seriously expect a babysitter to force him to be playing games all the time!

BackforGood · 04/07/2019 00:51

Another who can't see what the problem is except the amount you are paying out every day

I mean 3hrs x £10 seems a lot to me - have you tried looking into out of school club, or a Childminder ? I bet it would work out a lot more economical for you.

edgeofheaven · 04/07/2019 00:54

Sounds like your issue is that the babysitter is relaxing doing her own thing while you pay her. But you’re paying her to supervise your child, not to be a party entertainer. At 8 he doesn’t need her constant stimulation. If you were home with him no doubt you’d be reading a book or on your phone while he played Legos as well.

Ihatehashtags · 04/07/2019 06:24

At his age he’s probably tired from school. He’s being supervised while being allowed to chill out. I think it’s the perfect arrangement. What’s your issue?

herculepoirot2 · 04/07/2019 06:33

I also need to accept she can't just sit there staring into space so should be allowed to read or play on her phone in the times when she isn't needed by him.

As opposed to what? What else would she be doing? So confused.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 04/07/2019 06:39

You’ve hired her to ensure your child’s safety, and pick collect from school etc...

She’s not there to entertain your child, she’s their to ensure his safety, it’s your child’s choose to not include her in listening to music, read and play Lego etc... he has independently chosen to do this alone.

finn1020 · 04/07/2019 06:44

If that’s what he’s doing after school, that sounds great. He’s old enough to be able to entertain himself and if he’s micro managed every single day after school and has to be entertained constantly by an adult, he’s going to end up being high maintenance. It’s really important that kids learn how to entertain themselves and not whinge about “being bored” when they’re not being managed. He’s also been with other people all day at school, and been directed constantly what he has to do and when - so if he’s happy to chill, read and relax by playing LEGO I can’t see the big deal.

AlexaAmbidextra · 04/07/2019 06:50

To entertain an 8 yr old boy and not just let him listen to music, read and play Lego by himself the whole time?

Why on earth do children need ‘entertaining’ all the time? He’s been at school all day so needs time to relax and wind down. You’re paying her to be with him and keep him safe as at eight, he’s too young to be home alone. She doesn’t need to do a song and dance routine to entertain him. Do you entertain him constantly? YAB completely U and ridiculous.

ProteinshakesandAntonsAss · 04/07/2019 06:59

Hang on 'allowed to read a book or go on her phone'.

So did this try and ban this.

She shouldnt be meal prepping or doing any other jobs. She takes him to park and has friends round. She isnt a nanny or a house keeper.

The cleaner is also not a baby sitter. You employ people to do certain jobs then expect them to want to do, things outside their job role and seem surprised they dont.

Sounds to me like you would be better off with someone who runs the house hold. Like a proper housekeeper. Who does some cleaning, looks after the kids and does the cooking. Not cheap. But you can get them.

waterrat · 04/07/2019 07:05

I think it's lovely that your 8 yr old will play independently in that Way. My 7 yr old is not so good at just getting on and reading and playing. You are paying that rate in order for your son to chill at home rather than go off to after school club and presumably you want him to get that time at home ?

LolaSmiles · 04/07/2019 07:07

That's fairly standard for babysitting.

I wouldn't expect a babysitter to entertain the kids all the time, especially if they're happy to play independently.

You pay a baby sitter to keep an eye on the children, check they're safe, act in an emergency. If you can't leave the child alone you're paying for another adult to be present.

Gamble66 · 04/07/2019 07:14

Independent play is vital at this age - most kids need less structure not more it - self directed activities develop so many executive functions and internal motivation.
She sounds great and £10 sounds reasonable - I think a much better choice than most after-school clubs etc.

mathanxiety · 04/07/2019 07:20

I also need to accept she can't just sit there staring into space so should be allowed to read or play on her phone in the times when she isn't needed by him.

Sweet heavens above, did you really expect her to sit there doing nothing while he listened to music? Were you considering forbidding her from reading or playing on her phone?

Or did you already forbid reading or using her phone and tell her she had to sit there waiting for his summons?

transformandriseup · 04/07/2019 07:22

£10 per hour is not far off minimum wage now so I think you are expecting too much, sorry, especially if she takes him to the park on sunny days so he’s not sat at home all the time.

LL83 · 04/07/2019 07:23

I would "tire easily" of Lego battle games too. If she joins in for a bit that's good. Also hard to know how long she has played if I played for 10 mins or 2 hours with my son he still may not be ready to finish.

What do you do at the weekend? I don't entertain my 8 year old much. We chat and I feed her but generally she is out playing, drawing or watching TV if we are not out and about. So park and friends in seems fair enough.

Silverblues · 04/07/2019 07:24

No, babysitters are not nannies or childminders who are qualified childcare professionals. Babysitters are essentially just there to ensure the child is safe, so YABU.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 04/07/2019 07:26

Yabu.

She is a babysitter. Not your au pair.

CarolDanvers · 04/07/2019 07:28

I see what you're saying op. £10 per hour is a lot of money to pay someone who (hopefully!) doesn't ever actually have to do anything

But she is doing something. She's there supervising, being on call and in charge. If she wasn't doing anything she wouldn't be there. She'd be in her own home doing her own thing. I don't get this thread

Quartz2208 · 04/07/2019 07:33

Both my two want downtime and alone time after school playing quietly by themselves without having to share or explain. Some tv watching etc
What they do need is snacks and drinks
What were you expecting though for £30 they collect and bring home presumably give him snacks etc

fascinated · 04/07/2019 07:37

You want her to do a spot of ironing, don’t you?!

summerofresistance · 04/07/2019 07:38

I think the question you need to answer is why you think adult supervised play is better than your child having free time?

Free time to play independently is a good thing, especially after a day of structured activity at school.

qazxc · 04/07/2019 07:40

Yabu. She isn't sitting there doing nothing she is minding your child.
She brings him to park and plays with him as well so isn't always with "nothing to do".
She sounds like a decent babysitter to be honest. I'd leave things as they are.

Riceandthings · 04/07/2019 07:49

Reverse?

ProteinshakesandAntonsAss · 04/07/2019 08:13

@Riceandthings I am thinking that too.

No one would admit they tried to their cleaner to also provide childcare or tried to ban a babysitter using her phone or reading a book.

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