To not want health visitor in my bedroom

[Babybrainfail]

So my health visitor did a antenatal visor today, she seems very nice and it was a flying visit as I work in a similar role so I am up to date on latest guidelines and advice and it’s also not my first baby, but she mentioned that they like to view where baby sleeps to make recommendations, I said it wasn’t actually set up yet when she first mentioned it but Aibu to think that it’s intrusive to be wandering into my bedroom when my baby is a few weeks old?

Some people don't know, or don't know hoq to comply with the sqfe sleeping guidance. Wouldn't you rather someone who does know has a quick glance at where your newborn will be sleeping?

Both times I was happy for the hv to come into my bedroom as I had 2 sections and spent a lot of time in there anyway. I would always let them know if the room was in a bit of a state but otherwise I felt ok to have a midwife or hv to visit. I prefer relatives not to enter my bedroom though as I don't see why they need to.

My HV was wonderful. I was struggling with breastfeeding and I remember sitting on the bed with her showing me how to hold baby and what to do. For several days she would pop in on her way to work and during the day when she was local. Some days I would see her 3 or 4 times a day. When I got the hang of it all I had so much milk I was donating to the milk bank at the local hospital. They called to collect milk every other day. I'd never have managed to feed my own let alone donate several pints of milk a week for months without her.

I don't think most people would feel they need advice on setting up baby's sleeping area. I certainly didn't.

I totally agree with that theunrivalled which was why I also clearly said:
But if you don't think they can add anything you want to know you don't have to let them. I didn't even let mine into the house.

According to the OP the HV said she wanted to see it "to make recommendations" so it seems pretty obvious to me that if you aren't interested in their recommendations you can just say "Oh, that's alright. I don't need recommendations for that."

Is this a new thing or are there reasons for the health visitor to visit, I never even got offered an appointment at the clinic to see one, when I queried it they asked if I had problems (no) and said to contact my gp if I had concerns.

I have a toddler and newborn and the HV's have never asked to see the bedroom space. They went over the safe sleeping guidelines and that's about it.

It's a shame that they have a bad reputation as the only ones I've ever come across have been lovely. The lady who visited me 3 weeks ago for DD's 6 week visit was wonderful, we sat chatting for almost an hour as she was open about her DC having the same condition as our toddler. It was great to talk to somebody so knowledgeable who actually 'got it'

That being said I think I'd feel a bit uncomfortable if they wanted to see the bedroom, partly because of my shameful floordrobe in one corner of the room but mainly because I'm one of those people who see my bedroom as a personal space.

The antenatal visit has been part of the schedule since 2008 I think. Probably before.

You don't have to allow her but it is her job. I think it's a good thing with the increase in SIDS in the last year if a baby can be saved because someone didn't realise cot bumpers were dangerous or something else in the cot then brilliant. For you I understand you know what your doing but I think it's great they are checking cot safety.

Both of mine HV's were awful, accusing and when I read the notes years later, I'd said nothing of the sort!

If I had a new baby I’d bloody love a health visitor to take a look and give another professional perspective on the set up from and health/safety point of view. I’d also be reluctant at first (meddling type feelings) before I got to the stage of ‘bloody loving it’.
Good luck op b

They sbould never show up without a mutually convenient appointment.

Mine showed up on spec at 9am. Filled out a few forms told me how important bf was. Showed no interest whatsoever in the baby. Couldn't answer any questions. I was recovering from mastitis. She only knew what was in the leaflet.

She made an apt for the following week. Still unable to answer any questions but instructed me to attend the baby clinic but couldn't explain why or offer an apt for it. Re-emphasised importance of bf again and said "bottle feeding mother put themselves first breast feeding mothers put their baby first".

Second bout of mastitis and feeding was hell so I phone for help. Her response "well I'm not an expert so don't phone me, phone the nct.

I spoke to her boss to establish her role and was told the role of an hv is to make sure mummies talk to their babies enough for them to develop speech. I said and she agreed that I was not obliged to see a health visitor then she got anotger one to start phoning me up.

I made a formal complaint and the trust ceo confirmed in writing that it's a universal service that has to be offered to all new parents but it doesn't have to be accepted. They also apologised for the hv not making proper apts and funded a bf counsellor thereafter.

I never saw an hv again. If people want to push advice at me I expect them to know about the evidence based research behind it and to be able to have an intellectual conversation. Further if I had concerns about my babies health I took them to a GP, I certainly didn't need their development monitored by nurses who hadn't proved to me that they were vaguely competent.

The one good thing that came of it was after the communication comment I read ds the Odyssey and the Iliad. He went on to take first in Classics!

Total waste of time imo.

They are clearly asking to help prevent cot death in babies.

My HV is a wonderful, kind, patient and dedicated professional who saved my life both literally and figuratively. These threads are always full of people complaining about their HV and sometimes with good reason, but I don't want expectant mums - who need all the support they can get - reading these threads and thinking that's the universal experience. I was so reluctant to see mine for that reason, and very skeptical, but without her I would be dead so I'm so glad I decided to go ahead with those early visits. Quite aside from that, she has only ever given me good, sensible, useful advice in a non-judgemental way.

We aren’t interested in your bathrooms. We are interested in your mental Health and if you know how to care for your baby. This is supportive not punitive. Everyone is entitled to the mandated contacts. If you don’t understand our role is that’s fine but please don’t slag us off. There are too many neglected children out there.

I'm another one where health visitors have always made me nervous and I'd blitz the house cleaning a few days post partum, but to be honest, I was probably being OTT.

With my first when I moved in to a new flat after a few months the health visitor literally walked through the door and did a circle walking around the flat going "oh this is nice, oh I've gone the wrong way, is this where I go". I knew what she was up to, but we did move from a studio flat to a 2 bed and I had cited myself that I thought accommodation was an issue.

Other than this, they have been fine. I have just said to them that I'm cosleeping and have read the guidelines, and if I don't nurse in a bed, I'll nurse elsewhere and fall asleep, which is dangerous. They should just give you a leaflet for cosleeping and leave it at that.

I think some people expect HV to be like a GP on tap, but they are just there to offer advice and monitor both the mother and child's well being. You can refuse their input at any time.

The whole thing is intrusive. They are only there to snoop on behalf of social services

I have to disagree, I really liked the HV visits. I felt they were the only professionals who actually have time for you and mine seemed genuinely interested in how both me and baby were doing. I felt that if I needed some support the HV would arrange it for me and I’d still contact them now if I felt I needed it.

The Health Visitor for my first baby was great. She identified an infection which seveal midwives and doctors had dismissed, I'd literally just come out of hospital after a week and they said I was fine. She cried with us when we explained how hard DC1's birth had been and listened without dismissing our feelings.
I think I spoke to her on the phone recently, but she didn't give her full name so it felt awkward to ask but I really hoped to have her again the second time.

Yanbu, it is invasive. Mine did this, even went up on her own because I was feeding the baby at the time and the room was a right state. Mortifying.

They do snoop but I think that's fine. Mines asked to wash her hands but on subsequent visits she used hand gel. I don't think its really a bad thing. They might pick up on something like a poor sleeping set up and offer advice.

My HV didn't go anywhere other than the living room. I remember being pissed that I'd made the bed and cleaned the kitchen for nothing she was lovely though and not intrusive at all. Neither of her visits were longer than about 20 minutes and I've not heard from her since.

Mine were in a Moses basket in the living room when they came round so no sleeping arrangements to see upstairs

The HV has just picked up hip Dysplasia and club foot in my grandson that the hospital staff somehow missed when he was born

You can refuse their input at any time
I was told that I could refuse but that would be a red flag. The HV monitors your child until they go to school. She wants to put a tick in the safeguarding box and move on. If you refuse access then nobody knows if your child is safe or not and it raises concerns.

I don't see an issue with this.

I'm Inna DIY FB group and the amount of fuckwittery I see on there is unreal. As in fairy lights draped round cots, bunting threaded through the bars, fecking beaded dummy clips and huge cover. All so the room can look stylised. You might know what you're doing but unfortunately there are some really dim people out there.

If I have family decline the HV service, it's absolutely fine but I always call social services just to check the family aren't open to them and there are no concerns. I then document it in the notes. If I didn't do this, and god forbid something happens I'd be strung up. We aren't a statutory service, correct but we are here to help and the majority of us aren't nosy, pearl-clutching busy bodies. I love my job and get on really well with my families.

My experience of health visitors has been nothing but positive

Mine was nothing but negative, until the 2 year check when I got a lovely one who was so unjudgemental and supportive. The one who did our new baby visit made some ridiculous and completely inaccurate accusations. I made a complaint about her.