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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want health visitor in my bedroom

132 replies

Babybrainfail · 03/07/2019 20:58

So my health visitor did a antenatal visor today, she seems very nice and it was a flying visit as I work in a similar role so I am up to date on latest guidelines and advice and it’s also not my first baby, but she mentioned that they like to view where baby sleeps to make recommendations, I said it wasn’t actually set up yet when she first mentioned it but Aibu to think that it’s intrusive to be wandering into my bedroom when my baby is a few weeks old?

OP posts:
codenameduchess · 03/07/2019 21:20

The whole thing is intrusive. They are only there to snoop on behalf of social services

Absolutely untrue, they are there to support new parents and help to make sure babies are safe and healthy. There is no conspiracy, and social services don't want to steal babies.

OP, I was never even asked where baby slept when the HVs and midwives visited us. I didn't get far enough for the pre birth MW home visit as dd was born early but was surprised no one asked where or how the baby slept given she was our first. I don't think I'd have had a problem with it if they'd asked to see but as PPs have said you can decline, I don't think they're that bothered as long as there are no other concerns.

echt · 03/07/2019 21:23

Yes, this is about social services.This is the soft end of seeing a baby is provided for; that's why she'll ask to wash her hands to see your bathroom, is it basically clean. She'll ask you to undress your baby to see how you handle the child.

The pointy end of this is neglected children.

Please don't start with a clean home can be an abusive one, the HV has to start somewhere.

tashac89 · 03/07/2019 21:25

I've not actually heard that one around here and I do a lot of work with families in need. How strange. You have a right to privacy, it's completely up to you. People have different levels of comfort so no I wouldn't say YABU.

Bluerussian · 03/07/2019 21:28

Agree with op. What is good is that HVs don't visit very often.

Jackyjill6 · 03/07/2019 21:28

In the red book there is a page on Safe Sleep, which refers to where the baby sleeps, are there any pillows etc.

Celebelly · 03/07/2019 21:29

Ours didn't talk about safe sleeping or ask to see anything in the house. The student with her undressed and re-dressed baby too. I just lounged on the sofa Grin We had hardly any HV visits though - combo of having no issues and a staff shortage I think. We won't have seen one from about six weeks to eight months.

EAIOU · 03/07/2019 21:31

Had health visitor and midwives regularly to house when little one was born and not one asked to see about the house or where baby was sleeping!

Checked my stitches in bedroom but never made comment or asked anything.

gabsdot · 03/07/2019 21:31

Count yourself lucky. When we had our adoption assessment the SW went in to every room in the house.

TapasForTwo · 03/07/2019 21:32

“They are only there to snoop on behalf of social services.”

No they aren’t Hmm
Only the paranoid would think that.

Winebottle · 03/07/2019 21:34

codenameduchess

If you are an elder person who is seriously true have you got any chance of getting a nurse out to see you? Nope. What about if you are having a mental health crisis, are the NHS going to send someone to check you are OK?

Yet they have time for people do drop by when there is absolutely nothing wrong just to repeat what they already told you at the antenatal appointments.

I'm not saying they shouldn't do them because I am sure they help identify children at risk but they are there to look for children at risk, it isn't really about health.

DoAsSayNotAsDo · 03/07/2019 21:34

@pinkymalinky - AN visits have been one of the key HV contacts for over 5yrs, but are often only done with vulnerable families/first time parents - it's an ongoing battle to get them established due to poor funding/staffing levels, plus a lack of info about HV role/how antenatal/postnatal care proceeds (it's disappointing how many MW's seem to have no idea what HV's do 😏)

notangelinajolie · 03/07/2019 21:38

3 DC's but health visitor only came for first one. The first call was a knock on the door unannounced. I had just got baby off to sleep and was literally about to get in the bath so she didn't come in and arranged to come back on a different day. That was it really - she didn't ask to see where the baby slept or anything like that. I got the impression it was just a box ticking exercise. She didn't stay long, I made her a cup of tea and she was off on her way and I never heard anything again.
I think she gave me details of the baby weighing clinic at the doctors surgery and a book with dates baby should have injections etc.
She didn't visit for the other 2 and I didn't bother going to any of the baby clinics as I knew what I was doing and didn't feel that I needed to.

Spacie · 03/07/2019 21:38

she'll ask to wash her hands to see your bathroom

Really? My HV refused a drink on the grounds that it meant she'd need the loo at her next stop and "the poor woman will think I''m inspecting her bathroom"

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 03/07/2019 21:39

I got a bit of a post-natal hormoney crush on my health visitor - she was really lovely - I bought her some Baileys miniatures for Christmas Smile

TapasForTwo · 03/07/2019 21:41

I find it depressing that whenever I see a thread about health visitors on MN that they are generally viewed as nosy busybodies.

My experience of health visitors has been nothing but positive. DD had some serious medical issues when she was little, and I couldn't take her to the clinic, so the HV came to see me. She was massively supportive, especially as she had previously been an intensive care nurse and had experience in dealing with DD's medical needs. She was also very helpful when DD just wouldn't eat.

Hecateh · 03/07/2019 21:48

If it is 'offered to everyone then the young mums who would welcome a bit of reassurance but won't ask for fear of being judged are checked without the HV making a judgement.

For most people it will be relatively easy to have a quick glance or answer a few questions but if it is seen as only being offered to people suspected of being incompetent then there is an issue.

Also, should there be an unfortunate incident, and the mum says 'but the MW or HV didn't check' then that would be more of an issue.

nicecuppaforme · 03/07/2019 21:49

I liked DS health visitor too. She made me feel great as a new mum, was very approving of everything I did and said we had a lovely bond. She seemed so taken with DS too which made me feel really proud.
I was gutted when she left. I've only met our new one once and she seemed like a sensible, kind sort too.

Just in case this thread is upsetting for any HV's - some people appreciate you.

dreichuplands · 03/07/2019 21:49

There is is another thread currently asking about cot bumpers, checking the cot could help provide asignificant safety risk information if someone like the OP on the other thread had bought one.

nicecuppaforme · 03/07/2019 21:51

They are only there to snoop on behalf of social services.

And if they are? So what? I'm glad they're working towards keeping babies safe:

dreichuplands · 03/07/2019 21:52

My HV collected a perscription for antibiotics for me and dropped them in as she didn't want me trying to get to the clinic with my twins following a Cesarean.

PinguForPresident · 03/07/2019 21:53

that's why she'll ask to wash her hands to see your bathroom, is it basically clean

Errr, no! I'm a midwife rather than a health visitor, but we wash our hands for infection control reasons rather than to snoop on people's bathrooms. It's also a courtesy to the new parents to show that we are considerate of thier baby and will only touch them when they can see our hands are clean.It's nothing to do with "snooping"

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 03/07/2019 21:53

Joining the off tangent - I really appreciated my HV’s support but I did have one who I refused to see again as she judged me without any background and loudly pronounced her opinion in a weight clinic (“starving” was used) ignoring all the detailed information freely available in front of her. But like most professionals, the one bad experience shouldn’t tarr the rest and I continue to get support for my baby’s medical issues from the team. They have regularly offered to come to me since the clinic experience too.

codenameduchess · 03/07/2019 21:57

@Winebottle there is funding and an established system with trained professionals to deliver the HV service, not the case with home nurses or MH care unfortunately but that's a totally different issue that won't be solved anytime soon. I'm not saying it's right, but the fundamental changes needed to correct this just won't be made quickly.

HVs are not there to look for at risk children. They are a point that can identify them but it's not their sole purpose. It's a valuable service to people to want or need it, if you would rather not engage or want to believe batshit conspiracy theories then feel free to decline it but don't spout lies.

hatgirl · 03/07/2019 22:03

winebottle health visitors are funded by the NHS not social services. The health visiting service is mandated by the government at a national level and implemented by local NHS groups. This came about after various child deaths over the last 30-40 years. That is why it is still provided when other services are cut.

However, if an adult at home requires nursing input they are visited by the district nurses. If an adult in a residential home or a nursing home needs nursing support they will be visited by district nurses or be in receipt of the funded nursing contribution to fund nurses at the care home.

If you have a mental health crisis then the NHS is shit, but it will eventually offer you some kind of service.

Its all too easy for small children to drop off the radar and unlike adults they have no choice around this, so whilst the primary remit of HVs is child health, a strong secondary remit is frontline child safeguarding.

gandalf456 · 03/07/2019 22:06

This must be a new thing. My youngest is 10 and we never had this. I wouldn't like it either. Yanbu